Shimmering Glances, Reserved for one Regulus Black <3

[Regulus Black]

<sub>Regulus took a deep breath, just liking being this close to her. He felt the pain realizing that this was the last time he would ever be this close to her. So he was going to enjoy this. It made him upset, but he just closed his eyes and held her close. He knew he was going to hurt her. He didn't want to, but it would be better this way. His heart was beating quickly, knowing that he knew it was better to tell her now and give her the choice rather than putting it off until it was physically painful to break it off.

He stood like that for what felt like forever, just breathing her in, his arms around her in perfect silence. It might have been a little tense, but he figured that was just on his part because he knew what was coming.

Finally, he spoke. "Ser," he said slowly as he let go, looking at her... fear and sadness mixed in his dark eyes as he locked them with her pretty light blue ones he was so in love with.

"I... I need to tell you something..." he whispered. He didn't want to, but he kept reminding himself that it was better for her to know. Know rather than live this lie, believing that they were going to be together, when that wasn't the case.</sub>

[Serenity Sangaea]

Serenity blinked, caught slightly off guard when Regulus gently untangled himself, taking a slight step back away from her. When those dark eyes locked with her blue ones, her breath caught in her throat, because she had never seen him look so fearful and sad. Without a second thought, she wrapped her arms around herself, suddenly mindful of the freezing wind that was whipping around her skin. Serenity could find her own heart beating fast in it's anxiety, the earlier nervousness coming back to her in an instant. Those words...

I need to tell you something...

...Nothing good could ever come from those words; she knew from past experience, and that tingle of fear wrapped around her spine even tighter.

"I... what is it Reg?"

Serenity was scared now too.

This post has been edited by Serenity Sangaea on Apr 14 2008, 03:00 PM

[Regulus Black]

<sub>Reg slowly wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her closer as they sat down on the one bench. He didn't know what the best way to go about doing this would be, so he started at the beginning and just told her everything. It was obvious how much it hurt him, and how much he didn't want to do it.

"You know how the Black family is known for arranging marriages? Like with Bella and Rod, Cissy and Lucy... well... I've... I've been promised to Kiana Burke," he explained softly. "There's nothing I can do about it Serrie... because Sirius got blasted off the tree.... I'm to marry her... and I can't get out of it." See, that wasn't that hard.

He bit his lip for a second, still holding her close. 'I don't want to Serenity," he said the same soft tone coming out of him. "Believe me I want nothing more than to be with you until the day I die. But.... that's not going to happen." The words hurt him more than he let on. Serenity probably didn't even realize how much Regulus depended on her in ways he never said... how she kept him from turning completely vile and evil. Something about her kept him afloat instead of sinking deep into the sea of darkness he was swimming in and getting caught in the current.

She kept him afloat.

"And you deserve to know that Serenity. That no matter how much I love you, and how much I hate her... there's no way to get out of this situation." He took a deep breath, his eyes moving out to the water. "So... I'll leave it up to you. Do you want to keep dating until the time comes that I have to get married.... or do you want to break if off now and save ourselves from more pain later on down the road."

He wanted to be with Serenity. That was obvious in the way he still had his arm around her, leaning slightly on her... almost treating her like the support she was in his life.</sub>

[Serenity Sangaea]

"You know how the Black family is known for arranging marriages? Like with Bella and Rod, Cissy and Lucy... well... I've... I've been promised to Kiana Burke," he explained softly. "There's nothing I can do about it Serrie... because Sirius got blasted off the tree.... I'm to marry her... and I can't get out of it."

'You can't or you won't?' A traitorous thread of thought that slipped through his words.

"I don't want to Serenity," he said the same soft tone coming out of him. "Believe me I want nothing more than to be with you until the day I die. But.... that's not going to happen."

'Of course not. But that's okay, I'm used to being hurt by now.'

'Why did I think you'd be any different? Everyone else has hurt me... It only makes sense that you would too.'

"And you deserve to know that Serenity. That no matter how much I love you, and how much I hate her... there's no way to get out of this situation." He took a deep breath, his eyes moving out to the water. "So... I'll leave it up to you. Do you want to keep dating until the time comes that I have to get married.... or do you want to break if off now and save ourselves from more pain later on down the road."

If anything, what she felt was numb. Disappointment. Empty. Serenity scooted back from his embrace, ignoring the fact that he had been leaning on her, and looked out to the lake. Suddenly, the cold didn't seem so bad compared to the burning claw of hurt that was placing the numbness, working its way from her stomach ascending to her hurt. Serenity could feel its sharp claws squeeze her heart to the point where she had wished she would just die already. She didn't say a word as she gazed out the lake, thoughts racing a billion directions at once.

'I'll never be worth it, will I? Othello always told me that, that no one could ever, would ever choose me over someone else. Whether it be their family, or whatever...

A part of her wanted to rage, wanted to scream at the boy who was sitting across from her who she'd hadn't yet addressed.

'And this proves it. Regulus made his choice; he chose his family over me.'

Serenity had suffered over a week of no contact with her father for this boy. She had gone through constant hell to get Alastor to shut up about the two of them, though admittedly, he still did give Reg... (no, Regulus) dirty looks. But the point was that she defied her Dad's advice not to get involved with him, something that Regulus was unable to do.

He'll only break your heart in the end, Serenity...

She had yelled at him, screamed that he was wrong.

...But he was right.

They had all been right.

Serenity covered her eyes with her hand, willing the tears that were going to fall back, willing those pathetic sobs that wanted to escape her lips back. Because as much as she wanted to scream and sob her frustration and hurt out on Regulus, she knew that deep down, he had done the right thing in telling her like this. Because deep down, she understood, she really did, but equally, there was a part of her that wanted to be selfish and demand that he keep the hell away from her.

But there was also a part of her that still wanted to be with him even now. Serenity still loved him...

'Even though I'll never be worth anything. He's made that quite clear.'

And then some more of her father's words came back to her:

You deserve better...

Did she? Did she really?

...Maybe, just maybe, this once, she'd try to believe that.

And she made her choice.

Serenity spoke, hand still covering her eyes, willing her voice to come out strong, but it just sounded so incredibly heartbroken, sad, but wise beyond her years at the same time.

"I understand, really I do; and I know how hard this must be for you. But it's hard for me too."

"I... I think I deserve better, I think you deserve better too, than someone who we both can never be with, and in the end, we'll just both be hurt even more than we are now."

'Deserving? That's always what it comes down to, isn't it?

Maybe I deserve being hurt like this; that's why it always happens.'

"So... I t-think we should end it here."

Serenity still couldn't look him in the face; she was far too weak, and she knew that if she did, she'd start crying.

"...Can we still be.. friends?"

'I don't want to be just friends.'

'I love you.'

But Regulus had made his choice...

And she had made hers.

[Regulus Black]

<sub>Regulus nodded slowly in understanding. He wanted nothing more than to pull her into a hug and tell her everything would be okay. That maybe this was for the better. But he wasn't going to do that because he knew how much it hurt her. He knew how much it hurt him. He felt this pain in his chest that he couldn't explain. It hurt almost as bad as he hurt when Sirius left his family. He wished he could have the courage to do that. He wished that he could be so willing to give up everything for what he believed in.

But he was in too deep to do that. He could have left when Sirius did and everything would be fine. He would still be able to be with Serenity, he wouldn't have to worry about the Dark Lord, or disappointing his mother. He wished he could have gone with him when he asked instead of waiting until later when Sirius had already seemingly shut him out. Then things would be so much better. He wouldn't have had to just do that and break both their hearts in the process.

He couldn't stand to see Serenity like this. He wanted to bring her close and rub her back, wipe away the tears that wanted to fall from her eyes and tell her it was for the better. That she deserved better than Death Eater scum like him. That was all he was anymore, even in his own eyes. He was a murderer, he was a cold-hearted murderer. And without Serenity there to save him, he knew it would only get worse.

He sat in silence for a while, still fighting the urge to pull her close and hug her problems away, but that would just make things worse. She moved away from him in the first place... but then the urge over came and he pulled Serenity close, part to comfort her, another part to keep her from seeing the tears in his own eyes. He loved her, more than even he realized.

His embrace was warm and caring, like his always were. It almost made those tears fall... but Regulus Black did NOT cry. "We'll always be friends Serenity," he whispered. He didn't want to let her go. He wanted to run away with her, but that would be a death sentence for them both. He could get out of it, but that would mean betraying his family (which part of him would be fine with), but also betraying the Dark Lord... and he wouldn't have Serenity killed because of this. Being with her for a few months wasn't worth her life.

"You... you deserve better than me," he whispered, knowing that he would never ever find anyone like Serenity as long as he lived. He would never find anyone that made him feel the way that Serenity did. He could already feel his head sinking below the waters of darkness... something pulling him under already now that his heart was full of pain.

"I never deserved you..."</sub>

[Serenity Sangaea]

And then she was sobbing uncontrollably in the crook of his shoulder, crying the way she always did, silently and painfully. Serenity didn't do the loud, attention seeking sobs other girls tended to let loose, mainly because when she was younger, she had never wanted anyone to know that she was crying. It was a habit that had carried over through the years, something she very much doubted she'd ever get rid of. Serenity could feel her tears soaking Regulus' shoulder, getting her own face even more wet than before, her arms wrapping themselves desperately close to the boy who had unintentionally stolen her heart the day they first met. He was her lifeline, and she didn't want to plunge in the water that was her life without him there. ...But she would sooner or later have to; she'd have to stand up, let him go, and dive deep down into those unknown waters.

And he wouldn't be there beside her.

"Regulus..." she said, voice shaking from the onslaught of tears, "Please don't... okay? Just... don't."

"Don't talk about you not deserving me, or me not deserving you... Because this isn't.. this isn't about deserving..."

Serenity gripped him tightly, wanting to remember how being held by the one she loved felt for the last time.

"I love you."

She never wanted to let go.

[Regulus Black]

<sub>Regulus did his best to make her feel better, rubbing her back slowly and gently as she cried. Her tears only made the guilt he felt increase exponentially. He couldn't hear her crying, but he could feel it as he held her in his arms. He let his eyes close as he held her, taking deep breaths when all he wanted to do was break down as well. But maybe if he took deep breaths along with Serenity he could get her to calm down a bit faster. He loathed seeing her like this, and wish there was something he could do to make her feel better. But how in the world could he make her feel better when he was the one that made her feel this way in the first place.

He wasn't going to let her go this time. He was going to hold her until she wanted him to let go. And then he wouldn't let her go for another few seconds. He didn't want to ever lose her, and that was what he was doing right now. He was going to lose her, and it was all his fault.

Kissing the top of her head gently, he fell into silence, just holding her, rubbing her back gently.

"I love you too Renity," he whispered in her ear. "And you know I always will." It sounded like some sappy line from some horrible romance film, but that was how Reg felt at the moment. He knew for a fact that he would never be able to feel this way about Kiana, and that was who he was stuck with for the rest of forever... and how could he ever not love Serenity?

She meant so much to him, which was why he had to let her go.</sub>

[Serenity Sangaea]

"I know..."

She whispered quietly, brokenly.

Serenity was holding him desperately, never wanting to let him go, her face out of his shoulder, still crying freely as she gazed up at his closed orbs with her now murky blue eyes. Maybe she was selfish, but she knew she didn't want this to happen. Regulus was hers... However that thought broke her heart even more; was hers... Not hers anymore. He belonged to another now. "Can I..." she swallowed through her suddenly too dry throat, forcing the words that somehow got lodged there, out, "Can I kiss you one last time?"

She hated having to ask; just another reminder of how she wasn't his anymore, and he wasn't hers.

Serenity hated this whole thing, hated that she couldn't be with the one she had given her heart to, hated that there were so many against them being together, and hated that this would be the last time they could hold each other like this. Hated it with every fibre of her being, and she had never felt so much hatred for anything before.

It scared her.

Not being with Regulus Black scared her, truly and completely scared her.

What would she do without him?

[Regulus Black]

<sub>He just held her, not wanting to open his eyes and allow those horribly pesky tears to fall. Regulus Black did not cry. Okay, so yeah, he did. But never in front of other people... and he knew that Serenity was so upset right now and he wanted to be strong for her. He knew how hard this must be on her and he didn't want to hurt her anymore than she was already hurt. He knew that he had just ripped out her heart and practically trampled on it, all while telling her that he still loved her. What bullshit.

If he really did love her he wouldn't have done this to her. He would have stood up for himself and refused to marry Kiana and decide his own fate rather than allowing others to decide it for him. Alas, he didn't. He wanted to, but he was in so deep right now that only ending his relationship with Serenity would work. That was the only way he could do his part to keep her from getting hurt... he had to distance himself from her.

As much as it hurt her, and as much as it hurt him. It would all be worth it in the end. Serenity would be fine, she would make it through this all stronger and better off. It made him think of a Shakespeare quote that his father was very very fond of. "I must be cruel to be kind, thus bad begins, and worse remains behind." He never (and still doesn't) understand his father's love for the muggle playwright, but his words really did seem to fit so many situations.

He bit his lip and took a deep breath through his nose when she asked to kiss him one last time. He didn't want to, knowing that it would just make everything so much worse when they finally had to part ways, but he couldn't stop himself from nodding. He lifted her chin gently and his teary dark orbs looked down into her light blue ones, and he just stopped.

How was it that even after dating for as long as they had that this girl in front of him... that Serenity could still give him shivers just by looking at him... give him butterflies in his stomach with just a simple look. He knew that he would never have that feeling again.

And it just... it stopped him. He was just staring at her. Willing the tears not to fall as he looked at her in complete and utter silence. Serenity meant the world to him. She was the one that kept him afloat, the one that held his hand to keep him from falling even deeper into the hole he found himself in, even as the ground below him continued going lower. She kept his hand in hers, trying to pull him out of it, even though it would never work. But now their hands were slipping from each other. Without her, Regulus Black would have no reason to keep from being exactly what his parents want him to be. Nothing to keep him from turning into the little Death Eater they always wanted him to be.

Serenity was his world. It was as simple as that.

And it was obvious just in the way he was staring at her right now.</sub>

[Serenity Sangaea]

Well, Serenity wanted to kiss him.

Maybe it was selfish, but it'd help her come to grips with everything that had happened, even though she never wanted to let him go. Kissing him would increase that desire, but she didn't want her last memory of their relationship to be her crying pathetically on his shoulder. She wanted to think back on it and remember herself being held, being loved; she didn't want the sadness to overwhelm everything, and that's what would happen if she didn't kiss him.

She had always been selfish, it was really quite sickening.

Serenity watched Regulus observe her, just staring, as if she was the only thing that existed in his world... She should have felt awkward, felt embarassed that someone was staring at her like she usually did, but all she could feel was a love so overwhelming that it radiated off of her. Just as she was his world, he was hers.

She had heard that she was too good for him before, and she had come close to losing it. Why couldn't anyone see that it wasn't her that was better? He was. Regulus was smart, funny, had a wit and an aura around him that was positively charming. But she also knew his dark side; a side to him that probably even Reg didn't know she knew about. Serenity had overheard him one day in the corridor, picking on a little first year muggleborn.

And that loathsome word...

'Mudblood'

Instead of the anger most would feel, all she had felt was a sense of deep horror. And when she had encountered him later, he was acting fine. Serenity had never said anything, though she had been alittle distant that night. She knew everyone had thought her ignorant to his nature, knew that everyone thought she was blind...

But she wasn't.

Serenity was selfish.

Serenity was a hypocrite.

She claimed she disliked bullies, and yet the one she loved was as big of a bully as it got.

People said love was blind.

Serenity said people were wrong.

Her eyes were wide open to Regulus' every (maybe not every -cough-DE-cough-) fault, but she loved him anyways. Merlin, she truly loved him.

And here he was being taken from her.

It wasn't fair.

"I love you." she whispered finally, eyes intently studying his every feature, trying to memorize every feature of his face, her tears steadily stopping until there was nothing left but tracks. Serenity reached up, stroking his cheek softly, trying to burn how his skin felt under her hand in her memory as well. Her tone let on that she knew a lot more than even he knew, "Every part of you, and I always will."

The good and the bad.

"It's okay to cry you know... You don't have to be strong for me."

She had had enough of people trying to be strong for her when she was the weak one.

[Regulus Black]

<sub>Reg continued to look down at her, all the love in the world in his eyes as if he was apologizing for things he never did... maybe an advance apology for things he would do in the future. An apology for hurting her now. He never meant to hurt her. Hell if Regulus back had any sort of backbone he would have been moved into the Potters and living happily with not a care in the world except whether or not he could be an unspeakable when he grew up. But no. Regulus Black had to be born without a proper spine, just like his father.

He was doomed to live a miserable life... just like his father. Orion didn't think that his children saw it, but Regulus did. Regulus was good at seeing things that most people didn't notice. And he knew exactly how miserable his father was. And Regulus was given the option the previous year... to go with Sirius and live a life where he made his own decisions and didn't have to worry about making his parents proud... or staying in this situation where he would be miserable for the rest of his life.

And of course, he didn't have it in him to stand up to his mother, or break his father's heart any further. So he stayed, he didn't go with Sirius. He picked this fate, and that was why he wasn't complaining about it. He was given the chance to change things, and he didn't.

It was his own damn fault and Regulus knew that.

"I love you too Serenity," he finally whispered, his voice soft and upset. "And nothing will ever change that. Never ever." He wanted to cry, and he knew that it would be okay... but he wasn't going to.

He was a Death Eater for Merlin's sake! Death Eaters don't cry! The Dark Lord would make an example of a crying Death Eater. The end. Crying was a weakness, and Regulus Black might be spinless, but he wasn't weak.

He moved his head down and finally captured her lips in his, stopping whatever was about to come out of her mouth. He didn't want to leave, he didn't want to stop. He could die right now and he would be happy because he never had to live without Serenity. Color him selfish, but it was true. He didn't think he could live without her.

Not the way he wanted to anyways. He would most definitely survive, but he knew that he would turn into something he didn't want to be. He would just get sucked in...


He kissed her like he was told he would die in the next few moments and that this would be his last moment with Serenity. In a lot of ways, this would be his last time with her. He would never be able to do this again, might as well make the best. It was so full of love and passion that words couldn't properly describe it. The tears that had been welling in his eyes finally fell down his cheeks as he pulled Serenity even closer. One hand was cupping her cheek, the other wrapped around her, holding her close to him.

Since the invention of the kiss there have been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind.</sub>

[Serenity Sangaea]

She could feel his tears mixing with hers as they kissed for what seemed like eternity, their lips pressing against each other's desperately, lovingly... So achingly sad. Serenity clutched his back, never wanting to let go, selfishly clinging to the very boy she cared for the most in her life. She didn't care that her body was begging for air, didn't care that she almost felt like she was going to pass out as their lips caught each other hungrily, as if they each were starving for the other... She just didn't care. She wanted to stay like this forever, her fingers gripping Regulus' back like it was her lifeline.

But it wasn't meant to be, apparently, as she found herself pulling away, breathing hard, their combined tears on each of the others faces. Serenity was wrong about her earlier thoughts of closure... One last final kiss? It was enough to never let him go again. How she wanted to be selfish, wanted to keep him locked in this embrace forever... But she knew she couldn't. He belonged to another now, no matter how hard she wanted to deny it.

It was truth now; Regulus Arcturus Black belonged to another girl.

She couldn't stop herself from kissing him again, passionately and lovingly, moments before crashing their lips together uttering, "I'm sorry.."

They both needed this.

[Regulus Black]

<sub>Reg never wanted the kiss to end. Sure his lungs were burning with their need for oxygen. But Reg never wanted to stop. He wanted to hold her in his arms. Hold her and kiss her forever. He never wanted to lose her, but he had no other choice.

He belonged to another. He didn't have a choice. He was too spineless to have a say in his own future. He would be a puppet, a pawn in their little game. And Reg was far too deep in to turn around. He wanted to run away with Serenity and be happy. He knew that if he did that, he could be happy. If he stood up for himself, if he got disowned from his family, but he could be happy.

But he was far too scared of his mother and the Dark Lord to do anything besides listen to them and follow them blindly into whatever they led him into.

"Don't apologize Serrie," he whispered, kissing her passionately again. He loved his Serenity. He knew that he always would, and that his heart would always belong to her. But he couldn't be... it wasn't supposed to be. Fate was a cruel bitch. And if they weren't supposed to be together, they weren't supposed to be together. The end.

It was just... depressing.

When they parted again, he reached up and gently wiped her tears away. "Please don't."</sub>