Worst. Threesome. Ever., Iceman, Darkstar & Deadpool

[~*Darkstar*~]

Deadpool seemed almost mortified by the notion of mimicking Cyclops in behavior, looking at Bobby with wide...white eyes? She knew that that was where his eyes were, behind that mask - or were they? - but it was still strange to look at. Were his eyes in fact white? She had no clue. If she asked, would he tell her? It'd be a weird question. Though, to be honest, she had thought he was a hallucination. A figment of her, at the time, inebriated imagination. Would asking what his eye color was really be out of the question?

They were seated when the crash occurred, Bobby going to investigate first. Darkstar hadn't been terribly concerned at first, and neither was Wade. He suggested that perhaps they'd dropped some plates. The crashing sounded a little louder than that, but it sounded reasonable to her. Still he went, telling the pair - not that they'd moved - to stay put. "It's like X-Men had these little radars-- no, no, no. Their X-Senses tingle! Yes." Laynia didn't quite manage to smother her giggling then. Their X-Senses tingle? Well, they did have the remarkable ability to be present when random disaster struck. They even sought it out on purpose sometimes. As a government-grown spy, she was used to being sent out to handle things before they hit the fan. Pre-empting, they'd called it. Maybe that's what these X-Senses were in reality. A sort of attempt to pre-empt. Except for, that is, the present scenario. They really had come here for food... Or she had. Maybe Bobby was the one with the tingling senses?

Bobby took a tad too long for her comfort and she decided to go check things out. Deadpool blinked as his only remaining companion decided to go be nosy, standing as she wandered away. When this was over, perhaps they'd wish that they listened to the mouthy mercenary.

She asked Deadpool to clear the restaurant as the problem seemed to be more than falling plates or brawling employees. Or maybe it had been a fight and somebody or something back there had won. Whatever had happened, something went wrong and now Bobby was staggering around /melting/ and completely out of it. Nothing she said appeared to be getting through to him. Wade said something about a freezer and she actually considered trying to box whatever was back there in a freezer. They had a restaurant; surely there was a freezer back there? A really big one. Are you serious?

She was still trying to get Iceman to focus, but watching him stumble into a table and fall wasn't providing great encouragement. The fact that he could only try to push himself up with one hand because the other one was /melting away/ was also not a mark in their favor. Oh, and the profuse 'sweating' that made her worry that he'd soon be a puddle on the floor? Yeah, /not/ great either. "Why does he look like he's high?" Better question - Why does she know that idiom and what it may or may not look like?

The crowd, hypnotized by that strange phenomenon that caused people to stand around staring at a forming disaster instead of fleeing, was freed by an expressive Wade. He was so expressive, he even brought out props - real ones, don't try this at home..or in a restaurant. You know, what he had in his hand looked remarkably like a gun. The crowd thought so too and it was hard to say if the crowd was fleeing from the danger in the back or the danger that was Deadpool waving his gun around.

The restaurant was cleared just in time for Bobby to lose his balance and fall again. Darkstar never thought she'd be so worried to hear the sound of splashing. The Russian felt she must be wasting her breath, but then, finally, he spoke. Or mumbled rather. [i]”pretty… so pretty”[/b]

"What?" It kept repeating it, like a looped tape. What was he talking about. "Bobby? What's pretty; what are you talking about?" It was impossible to track what he was looking at. For all she knew, he was seeing things that no one else could. Keeping her power firm against the door, the worried Russian ventured closer to the fallen man. "Bobby? Talk to me, /please/." And he did..just not how she wanted.

”Beautiful.”

She'd assume that he meant her, but...what prompted him to say that? Coughing lightly, the woman fought down a slight blush - unsuccessfully. Damn it, he always made her feel like a school girl. That was the correct metaphor right? She'd never been a school girl, but she was sure that was the correct sentiment. Further attempts to get the man to focus were nixed by him promptly passing out after the little declaration. Deadpool dropped this little gem right around the time she noticed that the pounding from the kitchen had stopped.

"Great! Now... don't kitchens usually have two ways out?"

Her head snapped up and she stared at Deadpool with wide eyes. What?! "Please tell me that is a joke." A funny quip, sarcasm, /anything/. But it /was/ quiet now, the persistent attempts to get out now replaced by an eerie pretense of surrender. "I don't want to just leave him here.." What if Bobby woke up and was still..not himself? He'd go stumbling around and-- Laynia stared down. "Is he /still/ melting?" She couldn't tell. Maybe it had stopped; he'd passed out after all. If this was his powers acting up, then shouldn't it stop?

"Where do you think the other way out leads to?" They still didn't know what they were dealing with and she couldn't just leave the native residents to fend for themselves. ...couldn't I? Laynia's mental strategic process ground to a halt. Time out! "There..are no humans here." No helpless and powerless humans that needed protecting. That was what the X-Men did right? Protect humans from pissed off, albeit usually somewhat justified, mutants and such until mutual peace could be obtained for all. Or so she understood it. "/Should/ we do something about this?" This was either a testament to how far she'd fallen or a rare opportunity for her true flags to rise into the air.

"We're on an island full of enhanced mutants. Everyone here has abilities like we do." /Magneto's/ island. Say what you want, but let's be honest. Everyone, on some level, in some part of their mind or subconscious, had marked this as Magneto's territory. Maybe she was really just looking for an excuse to not leave Bobby's side. Admittedly, she fretted that she'd leave to deal with this and return to find little more than a human puddle on the floor. She couldn't recall ever seeing Bobby do this and so she was a little panicked.

Alright, more than a little. Maybe she was being unreasonable? But these people had powers too. They weren't powerless, weren't humans. Did that mean they weren't their responsibility? The X-Men defended mutants too.. If they hurt that Genoshan, would the natives - despite everything - get angry? They could start something quite unfortunate, interfering in the affairs here. Perhaps they'd want to police this internally rather than have a bunch of outsiders pop up and forcibly handle it for them, possibly in a way that they disliked.

And then something that sounded suspiciously like shouting started up outside. "So much for internal policing," she mumbled to herself as she stood. "He'll be okay here right?" She clearly meant to go outside, but loathed to leave Iceman here. Reassurance time? Guilt wouldn't cover how miserable she'd be if something happened to him while she was away. Worse, he might even think she'd willingly left his side again. Though, let it be noted, Darkstar had never left the man's side of her own accord or will. There was always something else, someone else, forcing her hand on that front. Unfortunately, it looked like what it looked like. And it looked like she kept leaving him.

It was..quiet again..

[Mystic Frost]

"Please tell me that is a joke."

"Joke? A story with a humorous climax." Deadpool quoted as he looked over at Darkstar. "Yeah, not so much. Home kitchens can have one door. Business tend to have two. You don't haul supplies in through your foyer." Wade was just being astute here. They were in a restaurant. Not like they barged in on someone's private house and invited themselves to dinner because 'hell, why not?' He'd done that before as he recalled. Ended up killing the host of the place. Yeah, well, he was an asshole and had it coming.

"Is he /still/ melting?"

"Sorry, if you want a Global Warming expert I could call up Al Gore, but from what I remember in High School Science class... he's probably still melting. Also, I think he's high. Hey, Iceboy," Deadpool's voice grew louder as he moved closer to stand over the melting man, "didn't you pay attention in school? Just say no." Right, doubt the man had time to light one up, or get high, moving through a door after they'd just seen him. Then there was the loud noise and all the commotion behind said door. Then Darkstar kept someone or something from following after Iceman. So... mutant or magic? Yep. Figures.

"Where do you think the other way out leads to?"

Darkstar, just for a moment, seemed to focus on the situation. "Probably into an alleyway or loading area. Outside. Because when I want someone with the ability to make people high out in the open is exactly where I want them to be." If, you know, you were sarcastic. If you were serious then you were either an ass or stupid. Wade didn't want them outside. At least not without them inviting him to the party. Seriously what the hell was up with not invit-- Oh, right, Laynia's barrier of Ultimate Joy.

And wouldn't you know it? Just that fast Laynia turned back to "Bobby, oh Bobby!" Ah well, guess there was only room for one distant, unconcerned, uninvolved, armed man looking for some excitement. Plus Laynia was a girl. Kinda awkward if she tried filling the role (the whole 'man' bit). "Yeah, sure," Wade shrugged, "probably just melt into a giant puddle, seep through some crack in the floor, and slowly pull himself together ten feet underground after being absorbed as ground water only to fight his way to the surface and through the concrete foundation he slithered through as a liquid. Or the basement. Bobby's probably familiar with basements having lived in one at his Mother's for so long."

What?

"I'll deal with our friend. You do something with Popsicle Man. I'd say make Sno-Cones, but... bad imagery." The gun slipped out of the holster before the Merc turned toward the front door. "Oh, and if you hear something like a giant party outside... Nevermind. Probably be a blast either way." He reached out to pull the door open and 'handle' the situation.

[~*Darkstar*~]

"Joke? A story with a humorous climax." Sure, on the occasion that he is /asked/ to be joking, Deadpool decides to be serious. Or his version of serious? She guessed this could be called his brand of seriousness. The man was such a..unique character. Surely he had his own brand of everything - seriousness, humor, sarcasm, moroseness, etc. Though, really, she had a hard time picturing the 'morose' one. Granted, trying to picture her emotions of depression or general bleakness projected onto him wasn't likely the most effective method. Her dreary feelings were based on what had happened to her. It was like trying to suppose how Deadpool would react to the same situation and, to be honest, she had no idea. The Russian wanted to say it would never happen or that he'd not be affected at all. But what did she know? Maybe he'd have snapped too.

Not that she'd ask him, or anyone else for that matter. Laynia didn't want to know how others would have felt, how they would have reacted, or what they would have done. She didn't want to hear them say that it would never have happened. She didn't want to hear them say that they would have been stronger, smarter, better. They would have gotten help and beaten that side of them. They wouldn't have let it go so far, so bad, so...deep. It was something she couldn't bear to think of right now, couldn't bear to hear. Maybe she'd always feel that way; maybe she'd never want to hear that input from anyone.

But that wasn't the point right now, not her top priority. Her top priority was out cold in front of her, slowing melting into a puddle. She didn't know what to do for him. Wouldn't passing out stop or slow this? What effect was the amplification field having? If she tried to rouse him from unconsciousness, via whatever means [however painful they could be], would he be in the same state? He might come around high and confused again and just pass right back out. He might come around and not remember a thing. He might come around and now be able to do anything but lay there and watch himself melt away. ...such a disturbing thought. Watching your body melt, however slowly, away and be able to do nothing about it. Would he be able to, ah, reform? How would that work anyway? Maybe he re-froze his body and then the ice revealed flesh and blood. Or he could reform straight from the puddle state.

"Sorry, if you want a Global Warming expert I could call up Al Gore, but from what I remember in High School Science class... he's probably still melting. Also, I think he's high. [..]" She almost asked what high school he went to, but was distracted by him confirming that Iceman had seemed high as a kite before. Great, just great. Maybe that was what was messing with his powers, but she didn't know how to fix him being high. Injured, unconscious - she could work around that. But high? Her powers couldn't make him sober up. Hell, she was still working on sobriety herself. The blonde wished that she could convince herself that this wasn't real either. One giant false scene generated by her messed up mind. She even had her favorite hallucination here right?

"Probably into an alleyway or loading area. Outside. Because when I want someone with the ability to make people high out in the open is exactly where I want them to be."

Laynia made a face. Yes, it was bad, but she hadn't thought of that earlier. She just wanted to keep whatever had harmed Bobby from getting out there with everyone else. It was a horrid thought, she guessed, but she did prefer it out there to being in here. No, no wait. She'd rather it be trapped in the kitchen - neither outside nor inside. But there was nothing she could do about that now. It/he/she was outside now.

"Yeah, sure," -- "probably just melt into a giant puddle, seep through some crack in the floor, and slowly pull himself together ten feet underground after being absorbed as ground water only to fight his way to the surface and through the concrete foundation he slithered through as a liquid. Or the basement. Bobby's probably familiar with basements having lived in one at his Mother's for so long."

What? Laynia's wide brown eyes staring at him, unsure if she should be horrified at the prospect of Bobby seeping in the the ground and reforming underground or relieved that Deadpool sounded so...calm about it. Like he was pointing out weather patterns. "I can use my powers to keep him from seeping into the ground." As she said so, Laynia carefully summoned energy to form underneath the man. No reforming only to suffocate within the ground that he'd seeped into.

"I'll deal with our friend. You do something with Popsicle Man. I'd say make Sno-Cones, but... bad imagery." Darkstar looked at him in alarm. "But you don't know how its powers work; you could end up the same way!" Not that he seemed concerned. What was she supposed to do if he was hit too? Well, he wouldn't melt. His powers were similar to Wolverine's right? Only more 'awesome' and she wasn't sure what that meant. It could be humor or maybe he meant that he had a couple extra abilities up his sleeve or just that he was more powerful in general. Laynia took a moment to imagine Deadpool..only high.

...^$%$

"Oh, and if you hear something like a giant party outside... Nevermind. Probably be a blast either way." He said 'blast' and her mind said 'explosives'. Deadpool..high...with explosives. Explosives and whatever else he had on him in addition to the visible gun he'd had in his hand. Laynia paled and got up. She was halfway to the door, intending to yell for Deadpool to wait, and then stopped. The Russian wouldn't, almost physically couldn't, leave the man behind. She was too worried about all that could go wrong, up to and including him waking up and immediately noting how she - once again - had gone away. Oh, simple. She'd take him with her. Laynia didn't know how Bobby would feel about being stuck in a rectangular prism - she worried that a bubble might interfere with his reforming - but it didn't matter right now. The woman wouldn't leave Deadpool to tackle this alone and she couldn't leave Bobby alone either.

Still, she kneeled by the box and pressed a kiss to the man's forehead before letting it close. "Sorry!" she offered briefly. Then she dragged them both outside. "Deadpool wait, wait for me!"

[Mystic Frost]

Wade stepped out onto the street whistling the Andy Griffith theme as his gun rapidly spun about his left index finger. Swaying back in forth with fluid jerks, side to side, he kept beat with the groovy tunes. He even paused a step when it got to the really good stuff. Don't knock the Andy Griffith now. Not everything had to be ImmarageholiclookingforsomeheavyloudSCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEAMS when it came to a fight. Though, a heavy bass did usually fit the mood better; you know, which guns going off and explosions, and the Earth shaking as some giant alien from outer space tries swallowing the planet.

Eh, Andy Griffith made him feel happy. Like all these people hugging the walls, or the street, or one another...

"I love you, man!"

Bro-love. Nohomo.

Not that there is anything wrong with bro-love, homo. If you're into that.

Really, though, Wade didn't want someone else's package rubbing on his package. Kind of awkward. One of those twitchy-eye moments. I mean, look at the choices. There was Wonder Badger the Lumber Jack. Scott Summers the Clueless Boy Scout--handsome, but not a lot going on upstairs. Come to think of it, not a lot going on upstairs in Wolverine's head either. Well, beer, but everyone knew that. The eternal frat party. Oh, right, focus, Wade, focus! Archangel? Alright, but he wasn't gay. Northstar? Uh... chaffing much? Quicksilver? Who didn't want Helmet Head for a Father-in-Law? Great family there. Nightcrawler! You know, aside from the whole Earth-worm name thing. And being Catholic and something about pre-marital sex. Whatever. Xavier? Did he ever...? Did he even have a sex drive? Well, God in the Bible does. Got freaky with Mary. Seemed anything was possible.

Oh, right, Sky-High Girl.

"Deadpool wait, wait for me!"

Deadpool stopped and looked over his shoulder as Laynia appeared with Bobby in a Box. "Okay. Now we find a post office and ship him to Abu Dhabi. Oh," Wade reflected on the climate there. "Maybe the South Pole. Lovely this time of year. Lots of... ice." Aurora borealis was nice. Iceman wouldn't notice. Probably whine about the mean Deadpool having him sent to the coldest place on Earth, trapped on a giant ice sheet with no way back. Wait, where was the legitimate complaint again?

"Follow the druggies! Hey, at least no one's sharing needles. Got to look at the bright side in these situations. I'm sure Magneto thought everyone needed to chill out from all the fighting anyway." Right? Magneto had said something about-- wait, Wade hadn't spoken to Magneto. In fact, he'd made no announcements recently. Oh, there was a meeting going on. And people just bumbling about the street aimlessly. And... so... like this was an island nation just doing whatever as long as they didn't kill each other? Okay. Sure. Later Wade would need to look into just what sort of "government" they had going on here. I mean, where was the Sheriff?

[Lightbulb.]

Wade turned and stabbed a finger out at Laynia, "You're my Deputy. I'm the Sheriff. Magneto wants a war? We'll give him a war. A war on DRUGS. 'Cause you know that's working soooooo well back in the United States. I figure it's the best thing we could ev-- Yeah now," even with his back turned, Wade contorted his body so it bowed out to the left to avoid Happy McFeely's hand touching him from behind. Deadpool stepped aside and turned to look at Happy Crazy McFeely as she reached out to share the love again. "Really need to sell crazy someplace else. I am all stocked up here." He declared while stepping back down the street.

"Besides shooting people, Deputy, what is the Sheriff suppose to do again?"

[~*Darkstar*~]

"Okay. Now we find a post office and ship him to Abu Dhabi. Oh," -- "Maybe the South Pole. Lovely this time of year. Lots of... ice." Laynia stared at Deadpool and wondered if that wasn't a coded suggestion to put Bobby somewhere cold. The super spy was on the verge of convincing herself that Deadpool spoke in some sort of very advanced code that no one seemed to understand. His words would make sense if only you had the code key. She could be incredibly wrong, but at least it'd be entertaining to try and rearrange the mercenary's words into something she could grasp and use.

Laynia looked around and wasn't sure what to think of the situation. She'd been expecting...well..chaos. When she arrived on scenes requiring her particular brand of 'problem solving', she was used to a little more..panic. She was used to the people involved making it painfully obvious where the problem was, approximately how many people were involved, and so on. Some people overreacted, so it was a gamble to use the type and volume of sound to gauge how bad things were. The Russian felt slightly guilty at the 'something is missing' sensation. She should be glad that the people were so..um..not panicked.

Brown eyes tried hard not to show her incredulity. There were people hugging..everything and everyone in sight. They were all in apparent states of happiness and euphoria. They all looked high. High like Bobby had appeared before he passed out. There were some people on the ground, but not because they'd passed out. They appeared to be doing there very best to share their newfound joy in life with the flower and hydrants they came across. One or two showed interest in the violet prism containing Bobby, trying to reach him through the holes on top for his respiratory benefit. Laynia put a stop to that by raising the prism higher. She imagined some had powers that would help make that less of a deterrent, but that required more effort than faux-druggies cared to put forth. The blonde also carefully evaded any attempts to 'share the love' with her as well.

"Follow the druggies! Hey, at least no one's sharing needles. Got to look at the bright side in these situations. I'm sure Magneto thought everyone needed to chill out from all the fighting anyway."

That sounded like a conspiracy theory. Sure, a theory saying this was a scheme set up by Magneto. Admittedly, everyone but her seemed really relaxed. Magneto might be watching them right now, laughing hysterically at their misfortune. Laynia's Imaginary Code Key = Magneto set us up and is laughing at us right now. He probably thought it funny as the solution was not readily apparent. The antagonist here wasn't really running about committing acts of violence. Were they to stop the source 'aggressively'? Just knock them out? How were they supposed to stop this person? There was no guarantee that knocking the person out would stop or reverse what had happened. Doubtful that they'd be so lucky as to talk the person into stopping/reversing anything either. The European mutant sighed.

"You're my Deputy. I'm the Sheriff. Magneto wants a war? We'll give him a war. A war on DRUGS. 'Cause you know that's working soooooo well back in the United States. I figure it's the best thing we could ev-- Yeah now," His speech - was he starting a speech? - was interrupted with someone wanting to reach out and touch Wade. Not hug or glomp, but touch. Laynia supposed that the mercenary wouldn't want hugs from these people, but his determined evasion of the woman there made her feel like something bigger was going down. Laynia had never laid eyes on the one that had started this mess, but she guessed this woman here was their source. The already half-buried thoughts of talking the problem-starter into reversing this were thoroughly buried after taking the woman in. She didn't seem..quite all there. She almost seemed as high as everyone else to be honest, if not moreso.

It wasn't encouraging and Laynia grimaced as their options narrowed and veered towards something not-so-non-aggressive.

"Really need to sell crazy someplace else. I am all stocked up here." Deadpool backed up some more. "Will your healing factor not negate whatever she's doing?" Of course, Laynia couldn't clearly say just what the other mutant was doing. Maybe it was like a poisoning tactic, except instead of fatalities, it induced this weird drugged up feeling. Or it could be mental; she could be sending something in the mind into overdrive. She didn't know and even if she did, honestly, Laynia didn't have the power to fix it.

"Besides shooting people, Deputy, what is the Sheriff suppose to do again?" The Deputy was her, he'd said so. Deadpool was used to a specific sort of 'problem-solving' and it likely involved putting that gun he had to use. One and done. As a super spy, Laynia was accustomed to solving the problem in a similar way. Or, rather, being sent to solve the problem in a similar way. However, the X-Men did things differently. 'Differently' meaning that they couldn't kill this person. If Bobby were coherent, she'd recommend freezing the woman such that only the head was left open. A more complicated, alternate route involved capturing the woman, sending her to a lab, developing and antidote, and administering it to the affected masses. She forgot to add that that would be the more complicated, alternate, /government-sponsored/ route.

Sheriff, Deputy..um...these were Western terms. She'd watched a western before with Bobby. A comedic one, but still. Sheriffs, as she remembered, were generally associated with jails. They caught the bad guys and put them in their little jail cells. "Um, they catch bad guys and imprison them?" she offered. The Russian wasn't entirely certain on how to handle this peaceably... Where the heck were they supposed to store the woman? A freezer? She could box the woman up, but that still left them with all these people - Laynia avoided another such touchy-feely person - and Iceman melting away. Imprisonment would stop the spreading, but didn't really solve the problem. They needed a 'cure'. "We need to figure out how to get her to reverse this."

[Mystic Frost]

"Will your healing factor not negate whatever she's doing?"

Wade leaned to the side and stared at Laynia for a moment. "What?" Healing Factor. Negate. Psychotropic stuff. "The real question you should be asking yourself is: if I were drugged, would you know it?" Because, hey, Wade was a free love kinda guy. Just flow with it. Relax. Chill. A smooth operator. A smooth criminal. I like this train of thought. Reminded Wade of the Moonwalker game. Everyone played the arcade game, right? Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?

A red gloved hand shot up and gave a quick tug on a wide brim hat that wasn't there before his feet started getting their grove on. A second later he did a quick spin in place and held out his hand gun-style at the woman, "You've been struck by... a smooth criminal." Better than holding out his real gun and shooting her, right? Right? Okay, the silence was making Wade question that decision now. Maybe he should have shot her for the full effect. Next time.

"Um, they catch bad guys and imprison them?"

Oh, right, Sheriff. Well, the two weren't mutually exclusive. Though the corrupt Sheriff was usually a jackass. Wade didn't think he could pull off being a jackass well enough for the role. Ohh, so much stress. So much was relying on his Oscar-worthy performance.

"We need to figure out how to get her to reverse this."

"Can't we just let them fall asleep or something? She's not broadcasting drugs wirelessly is she?" Deadpool paused for another moment. "You know... we could make a lot of money hiring her services out to the right people. Free drugs? Do you know how revolutionary that would be? Well, "free" drugs. Got to find a way to monetize this. Gotta be smart because if everyone's drugged out they won't make more money to give me--I mean us. Sorry, not use to doing the whole 'team' thing."

The woman that only wanted to make people happy in an unhappy world reached out to touch somebody again--namely Wade. "Can't touch this!" The man leaped back; 'Jerry Hollywell' didn't seem to mind as she took a step after him. This triggered phase two. "Stop!" Wade held up a hand. "Hammer time!" And the Merc proceeded to bust a move yet again. "Every time you see me that Deadpool's just so hype. I'm dope on the floor and I'm magic on the mic. Can't touch this."

The woman giggled as Wade began shuffling and jiving side to side with a wide legged stance. Maybe she didn't need to spread the joy to Deadpool if he was already swept up in it without her 'spice.' Of course the laughter slowly faded and she began to turn her attention to Laynia then. The 'Deputy' didn't look like she was enjoying herself as much. Perhaps she needed a friend.