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My Poem, Help :D

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kraid_is_da_bomb	Posted: May 15 2007, 03:28 AM
Chykka Larvae Group: Team Member Posts: 1,176 Member No.: 29 Joined: 9-April 05	I have to write a Poem for english, and I've got quite a good one, but I need to refine it. What changes do you think I can make? Keep Keeping On Keep your head up high, Even when your life seems tough, When life seems to just defy, When you have just about had enough. Life can't keep you away forever, Don't let it chain you down, You may have had a terrible endeavour, But stand up, and turn yourself around. Face the hardship, Make a skip, Don't look back, Follow the track. Now it is all behind, And you can move on, You don't have to stay confined, Don't dwell on the foregone. Anything I should change? --------------------

Hexit	Posted: May 15 2007, 09:11 AM
MIDI Developer Group: Admodistrator Posts: 204 Member No.: 34 Joined: 18-April 05	Being a bit of a poet myself, I'd mainly say the problem is rhythm. You ideally should have the same number or symettrical pattern of sylables or beats in every verse. I'd personally alter it alike so; Keep Keeping On Keep your head up high, When your life seems tough, When life seems to just defy, When you've had enough. Life can't keep you away forever, So don't let it chain you down, You may have had a terrible endeavour, But stand up, and turn yourself around. Face the hardship. Make a skip. Don't look back. Follow the track. It's all behind you now, And you can safely move on, You don't have to stay confined anymore, Dwelling on the foregone. Then again, that's my thoughts. -------------------- HexitMediaLabs Music Composition & Digital Art MNM Forum Moderator. Fear me.

kraid_is_da_bomb	Posted: May 15 2007, 04:40 PM
Chykka Larvae Group: Team Member Posts: 1,176 Member No.: 29 Joined: 9-April 05	That's really good! I like it alot better when they are about the same length. I'm not usually a poet, I hate these kinds of things. The quadratic formula is more my thing --------------------

Nova	Posted: May 16 2007, 04:15 PM
Chykka Larvae Group: Team Member Posts: 1,172 Member No.: 42 Joined: 25-May 05	I love it dude. ...I wonder how good poetry is for... nah, nevermind, lol.

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