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21 February 1981 |
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one of the safest cities in the world, according to DHS... |
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gymnastics, hockey, baseball |
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Rockin' the Red! |
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On keeping the Capitals "interesting" off-season in perspective: People, we have much, much bigger problems to deal with than The Bears, some delusional Walmart bag boy with dreams of becoming Florida's Victor Conte, Soviet defectors defecting to the KHL, and what Redbirdie may or may not have said to Moose. The third sign of the apocalypse is upon us: The Penguins are in the Finals and should be the favorites. I think I read in the New New Testament (or New Republic, I get them confused) that this is the sign Satan will rise and take over the earth. When Satan rises, we must have our energy to fight him. With the temporary loss of the Social Safeway, we are going to have to buy bread, milk, toilet paper, beer, and whatever they ingest in Section 117 during times of crisis from the Soviet Safeway. Satan doesn't like sunlight, crucifixes, or stakes through his heart...wait, that's Dracula. Satan's wife doesn't let him have red meat...wait, that's Dick Cheney. Whatever. Clearly, it's our responsibility to protect the world from this impending evil. |
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