Group: UHW Hall of Fame
Member No.: 18
Joined: 16-February 05
DF: It looks like order has been restored as those invaders from WCE and PCW have been thrown out of the building.
JS: They had absolutely no right crashing our PPV and if they think that UHW is going to take this lying down, then they got another thing coming!
[“Canada is Really Big” blasts over the speakers and out come the curtain and see the Nutz waiting for them. An all out brawl erupts with Pierre going for Mueller and Spicy goes for Dunpork.]
WP: And their opponents, weighing in at a combined 540 pounds, Pierre Roberts and Spicy McHaggis, the DRUNK UGLY CANADIANS!
[Pierre manages to smash his beer over Craig Mueller’s head but Spicy loses his hockey stick. The two teams brawl from the aisle to the ringside area.]
DF: Well, referee Bart Young is going to have some more fun tonight.
[Bart yells at them to get inside the ring but doesn’t try to separate them himself. The two pairs are all tied up outside the ring.]
JS: THIS is what wrestling is all about, uncontrollable barroom brawls.
DF: Well, I think Lou Thesz would disagree with you but … wait a minute! Gordon’s got a chair!
[Gordon indeed runs up behind Spicy McHaggis and nails him in the back with the chair. However, Alice Ward quickly sneaks up behind him and jumps on his back in a sleeper. Gordon can’t get her off and runs around in a panic.]
DF: Well, everything has just gone to hell, hasn’t it?
[Mueller tries to whip Pierre into the ring post but Pierre reverses. Pierre then grabs Mueller by the hair and rams him face first into another ring post and Mueller gets wrapped around it. On the other side of the ring, Dunpork is in control and is clubbering McHaggis against the rails but McHaggis gets a sudden surge of energy and rams Dunpork into the ring. He then lays a bunch of rights and lefts on him and Irish whips him into the steel steps. Both McHaggis and Pierre climb into the ring and celebrate in the ring.]
DF: It seems the Sports Nutz may have underestimated the Drunk Ugly Canadians.
[Mueller and Dunpork regroup on the outside and Bart Young makes the Drunk Ugly Canadians decide who is going to start the match. McHaggis goes to the apron and Mueller gets in the ring. Finally, they ring the bell.]
DF: All right, seems like everything is under control right now.
JS: Yeah, now the Sports Nutz will be able to kick their asses all legal-like.
DF: Yeah, sure…
[Mueller charges at Pierre for a clothesline but Pierre ducks and hits a few jabs and then Irish whips him. On the rebound, Pierre pushes him past him and Mueller continues off the ropes. Pierre continues doing this until Craig has run the ropes about 8 times. Finally, Craig comes off the ropes and just leans forward, exhausted and panting. Craig pulls his head up but gets hit with a dropkick from Pierre that sends him out to the floor.]
JS: Oh, just what the hell was that? This is just getting ri-damn-diculous.
[Pierre starts to run as if he was going to make a dive but stops at the ropes. Craig does not see this and dives over the rails and latches on to a woman in the front row. Gordon pulls Craig off of the lady and slaps him, reminding him that he is Sports Nut, damn it. Craig holds his shoulders up and gets into the ring and gets right in Pierre’s face. He then quickly tags in George Dunpork.]
DF: What a man, that Craig Mueller.
JS: I’m sure it was all part of a…uh… strategy, or something…
[Dunpork wants Spicy McHaggis so Pierre tags him in. Dunpork calls for a test of strength but as soon as he gets one hand locked, he kicks McHaggis in the gut and Irish whips him. However, McHaggis hits him with a shoulder block but Dunpork doesn’t go down. Dunpork runs off the ropes and hits a shoulder block but it doesn’t knock down McHaggis either. McHaggis goes for another shoulder block but still can’t knock down Dunpork. Dunpork responds by just bumping McHaggis responds in kind and the two just keep chest bumping each other. The crowd is laughing.]
DF: Well, this is certainly… different…
JS: Shhh… They are trying to determine the alpha male…
[Eventually, Bart Young has enough and separates the two. They circle each other and then lock up. Dunpork pushes McHaggis to the ropes and then Irish whips him. He goes for a clothesline but McHaggis goes under it and comes back with a big Polish Hammer that knocks Dunpork down.]
DF: That did the trick.
[Dunpork gets back to his feet but McHaggis knocks him down again with a big right. Dunpork scrambles to his feet and charges at McHaggis but McHaggis hip tosses him. Dunpork struggles to his feet and McHaggis whips Irish whips him and hits Dunpork in the gut with a knee. However, Craig Mueller is standing on the top turnbuckle and waits for McHaggis to turn around. When he does, Mueller takes him down with a flying cross body.]
DF: What the hell is he doing?
JS: Blind tag my friend, the Sports Nutz are not drunken idiots, they actually know what they are doing.
[McHaggis gets up rather quickly but Craig catches him off guard and takes him down again with a one arm DDT. He pulls McHaggis up and tags George back in. Dunpork kicks him in the ribs a few times and then whips him into a neutral corner. Dunpork immediately charges and hits him with an avalanche splash in the corner. He lays in some big open hand chops.]
DF: Maybe some Icy Hot will help…
[Dunpork pulls McHaggis to his feet and hoists him on his shoulder. He runs around the ring with hits a big running powerslam in the middle of the ring. He goes for a cover.]
DF: ONE…TWO…NO! Pierre makes the save!
[Pierre tries to keep kicking Dunpork but Bart Young keeps him at bay. Dunpork is antagonizing Pierre to keep him in the ring. While the ref is busy, Mueller climbs the ropes and hits a top rope legdrop on the still down McHaggis. Pierre finally goes back out to the apron and Dunpork goes for another cover.]
DF: Off the illegal man’s help! ONE…TWO…THRNO! Spicy McHaggis manages to kick out! Gordon Heath is going nuts!
[Gordon is a-hooting and a-hollering on the outside as Dunpork pulls McHaggis back to his feet. Dunpork tries to get McHaggis up into a vertical suplex but McHaggis blocks it and hits a suplex of his own. The crowd pops as both men are down.]
DF: I don’t know where he got that from, but he might just have a chance here to get his partner in.
[Dunpork gets up first and grabs McHaggis for a belly to belly suplex but McHaggis punches his way out of it and hits him with a DDT.]
JS: NO! Get up George! GET UP!
[Alice Ward pounds on the apron to get the crowd into it. Both men struggle to their feet and Dunpork goes to grab McHaggis but McHaggis makes a dive for his corner and gets the tag. Pierre storms into the ring and bodyslams Dunpork.]
DF: PIERRE IS ON FIRE!
[Mueller gets into the ring and gets nailed with a spinning wheel kick. Mueller gets up quickly but Pierre hits a sit out facebuster that knocks Mueller goofy. Pierre sees Dunpork back to his feet and charges but Dunpork just picks him up and slams him hard in a spinebuster. Crowd is instantly deflated.]
JS: BOOYAH! That’s what that is, a big, steaming bowl of BOOYAH!
DF: That was certainly was an impressive move, whether it qualifies as a “steaming bowl of booyah” is in the air…
[Mueller gets back up and the Sports Nutz start stomping away. They take a second to gloat but all of a sudden, Dunpork is taken out with a spear from Spicy McHaggis. The two roll around to the outside to the ring, punching each other. Mueller starts dragging Pierre to his feet]
DF: Well, we’re right back to where we started; referee Bart Young has lost control.
[Mueller grabs Pierre for a suplex and picks him up but Pierre hits a spinning DDT and Mueller is down. On the outside, both Dunpork and Spicy are back to their feet and throwing punches. Pierre starts to go upstairs but when he gets on top, Gordon Heath gets on the apron and starts shaking the top rope.]
DF: Get him off the apron, ref!
[Alice Ward quickly springs into action and pulls Gordon off but the delay allows Mueller to spring to his feet and run into the ropes, causing Pierre to crotch himself on the top turnbuckle.]
JS: That’ll give your urologist something to worry about.
[On the outside, McHaggis has Dunpork in a side headlock and is hitting rabid punches to the top of his skull. However, Dunpork manages to lift McHaggis and drop him crotch first on the ringside rail. Dunpork gathers himself and nails McHaggis with a clothesline that causes him to fall into the crowd.]
DF: Dunpork just laid out Spicy McHaggis with that clothesline!
[In the ring, Craig Mueller climbs up the ropes and hits a superplex on Pierre.]
JS: Wait, is George going upstairs?
[Dunpork slowly gets the top and comes down with a big superfly splash.]
DF: That’s over three hundred pounds crashing down! Dunpork goes for the cover!
ONE…TWO…THREE! It’s over!
WP: Ladies and Gentlemen, your winners by pinfall, THE SPORTS NUTZ!
[Crowd boos loudly as the Sports Nutz celebrate in the ring. Alice is out in the crowd with McHaggis.]
DF: The Drunk Ugly Canadians gave them hell but the Sports Nutz are victorious!
JS: That’s right, that’s right, never doubt the Nutz!
DF: We have a lot more action to get to, stay tuned!