Afiliates

[botanicbubbles]

XD


A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts,which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.

She repeats this gesture about five more times.

When she is about to hand him another batch again ....he asks the little old lady, 'Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?'

'We can't chew them because we have no teeth,' she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, 'Why do you buy them then?'

The old lady replied, 'We just love the chocolate around them.'

[M1L]

Wow that's pretty gross.

[botanicbubbles]

gross? I'll show you gross:

A man goes to the doctor with a piece of lettuce dangling from his rectum. "That looks nasty," says the doctor. "Nasty?" the man says. "That's just the tip of the iceberg."

[M1L]

It wasn't like a SUPER gross moment but nasty to think about, cuz it's possible. Here's my awesome joke.


Man walks into a bar.

He woke up in the hospital with 78 stitches, 4 pins and permanent short term memory loss.

The doctor stood over him. "That steel bar did quite a bit of damage, I'm afraid you'll never be the same again."

Watch where you're walking kids.

[botanicbubbles]

That's not as much a joke as it is devastating.

[M1L]

lol, true. But I just randomly thought of it and it made me chuckle. Anyway yeah...


A woman and a man are involved in a car accident, Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, “Wow, just look at our cars! There’s nothing left but fortunately we are not hurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be really good friends.”
The man thinking their might be a bright side to this, replied, “I agree with you completely.”
The woman continued, “And look at this, here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn’t break. Surely we must drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.”
Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man shakes his head in agreement, opens it and takes a few very large swigs from the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, “Aren’t you having any?”
The woman replies, “No. I think I’ll just wait for the police.”

[botanicbubbles]

A girl came skipping home from school
one day. "Mommy, Mommy,"
she yelled, "we were counting today,
and all the other kids could only count
to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2,
3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!'

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl said.

"Yes, it's because you're blonde,' said the
mommy.

The next day the girl came skipping
home from school. "'Mommy, Mommy,'"
she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet
today, and all the other kids could only
say it to D, but I said it to G.

See?
A, B, C, D, E, F, G!'

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

"Yes, it's because you're blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping
home from school. "Mommy, Mommy,:
she yelled, "we were in gym class today,
and when we showered, all the other
girls had flat chests, but I have these!"
And she lifted her tank top to reveal a
pair of 36Cs.

"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"

"No, Honey, it's because you're 24."

[botanicbubbles]

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter: "Hey, you wanna' hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep husky voice, the woman next to him says: "Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair,
given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Mister...., do you still want to tell that joke?"

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters,
"No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

[botanicbubbles]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see? ''

The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says . . .
" . . . Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
. . . Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
. . . Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning.
. . . Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.
. . . Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What's it tell you, Tonto?"

"You dumber than buffalo shit. It means someone stole the tent."

[M1L]

Very good lol... Kemo sabe... tsk tsk tsk