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Posted: Jul 27 2007, 11:13 AM
Member No.: 9
Joined: 27-July 07
Hi. My name is zewb. I am from Texas.
What is this "Texas" you say? Well, first of all it looks a bit like India with wings. It's a big state that squeezes itself into the U.S. like a fat guy that tries to join two people on a small sofa. Now, Texas isn't just any state. It's the Lone Star state. The reason for that is because that particular star is an asshole.
Now, you probably already guessed this, but yeah, Texas is boring. There is nothing in Texas. Top researchers at MIT recently did a study to find the most fun location in Texas. This is what they came up with:
Texas is a completely different culture from the rest of the United States. In order to even get into Texas you need to have a big hat. And when I say big, I mean BIG. A little tiny hat just won't do. In fact, you might become the victim of physical assault, or as we say in Texas, an ass-whoopin', if you go around wearing one of these numbers:
A real Texan wouldn't be caught dead in that little thing. What you need is a ten gallon hat, or if you use the metric system, a 37.85411784 liter hat. (Note: Using the metric system is another qualification for an "ass whoopin'.") This is the kind hat that the average Texan wears:
Of course the hat isn't the only thing you need. To compliment your hat, you need a belt buckle. Now, when choosing a Texas belt buckle, the rule of thumb is that it has to be larger than your face. If you are not able to hide your entire head behind the buckle then it is not big enough. The reason for large belt buckles is that it acts as a dam to prevent the wearer's beer belly from spilling over. Observe:
Can you guess which one of these men neglected to wear his Texas belt buckle?
Well, that's all for my guide to Texas for now. I'll add more to it later...