caleb.hayes. has signed in.

caleb.hayes. says:
damn, bitches.
where is everyone? Entertain me, tap dance, anything.
I'm borrrred.

coKAIN has just signed in

coKAIN: hey bitch.
coKAIN: what are you doing up so late?

caleb.hayes. has signed in.

caleb.hayes. says:
Bitch?
Thanks, that really helps my... self esteem.
Because you of all people should know how dangerously insecure I am...
ahem.
Late? It's not even three am yet.
Or is it past mister Kain's bedtime?
It's all right, I'll come over and tuck you in.
*insert devilish smile here*

So what're you up to?

coKAIN: what self-esteem?
coKAIN: get some balls recently?
coKAIN: it's not past my bedtime, boy.
coKAIN: i've stayed up for days on end before.
coKAIN: ooh, would you?
coKAIN: ha, smoking some pot...
coKAIN: alternating between porn and this conversation...
coKAIN: what about you?

caleb.hayes. has signed in.

caleb.hayes. says:
oh, shush.
I have enough self esteem to get through the day.
(and you should know better than to question my balls.)
... Porn and this conversation?
That must be just too much for you to bear.
I assume you're wetting your pants by now.
TURN OFF THE PORN.
you don't need it.

Eh, nothing much. worked all day today, I quite possibly never want to see a book again.
this is a lie.

coKAIN: you don't need much self-esteem in a library
coKAIN: oh, i know all about the literal balls
coKAIN: i'm questioning your figurative ones, or lack thereof
coKAIN: mhm. i'm quite the multitasker when I can be bothered to
coKAIN: i'm managing.
coKAIN: i'm insulted mr. hayes. you and i both know that i can hold out for awhile.
coKAIN: oh, getting bossy? that's actually kind of hot.
coKAIN: but not gonna happen, unless you magically appear to get me off.
coKAIN: bummer. you should come work with me.
coKAIN: we could have sex in the restroom in our free time and no one would care.

caleb.hayes. is typing...

caleb.hayes. says:
You'd be surprised. I need to talk to quite a
bit of people, some of them are exponentially
good-looking. If I had no self esteem, I would
be a stammery mess. And how appealing is
that? not much, in case you're still wondering.

I was commenting less on your ability to keep
yourself from making a mess and more on the
sheer sex of both porn and Mr. Caleb, even
when he's turned into words and sent over the
internet. (there's the figurative balls. They're
rather large and obnoxious.)

the word 'figurative' reminds me of figs, which
in turn remind me of dried fruit. not something
I want to imagine whist talking about my parts,
literal or figurative.

... A restroom? How tasteless. But I'll settle
for it, I suppose.

heh.

coKAIN: hm...
coKAIN: maybe you're only a stammery mess when drunk?
coKAIN: or when i'm fucking you?
coKAIN: wait, is "stammery" even a word?
coKAIN: oh, okay.
coKAIN: so you think the combination of you and the porn is going to blow my mind?
coKAIN: you amuse me.
coKAIN: don't talk to me about fucking figs right now
coKAIN: fig newtons are nasty, taste like shit
coKAIN: that, my boy, is not hot
coKAIN: someone's picky...
coKAIN: would you prefer the back seat of my car then?
coKAIN: i'm not sure we'd be allowed to go further than that.

caleb.hayes. is typing...

caleb.hayes. says:
Actually, I'm not going to lie, I'm always rather
stammery. I can't exactly help it. It's not like I'm shy,
I just... studder a lot, I suppose. So don't think you're
special. And no, I doubt that's a word... But it fits.

blow your mind? I hope not. I'm sort of under the
impression that you need that for proper function. But
I've been wrong before.

No figs, gotcha. Might I interest you in some... lustrous,
succulent apples instead? Maybe some grapes. Smaller,
but no cores.

No further? I was expecting satin sheets and sunlit mornings.
But I guess I'll take what I can get.

coKAIN: ha, i knew it.
coKAIN: damn, here i was thinking it was me that made it so hard for you to talk...
coKAIN: i'm all sad now. thanks for ruining my night, loser.
coKAIN: eh, nah. i've probably killed thousands of brain cells and i'm still kicking.
coKAIN: no, no fruit period.
coKAIN: powdered donuts sound awesome right now
coKAIN: or twinkies
coKAIN: stupid fucking pot is giving me the munchies...
coKAIN: fine then.
coKAIN: i'll stick to groping you when you least expect it at work
coKAIN: and waiting until our shift is over
coKAIN: then i'll take you home
coKAIN: and it'll be loads better because the build up of sexual tension.
coKAIN: it's strange how i always seem to get the best ideas while high...

caleb.hayes. is typing...

caleb.hayes. says:
Awh. My poor baby. The truth hurts... Well, I'm sure
you have some brain cells in reserve, because you've
yet to start twitching, drooling, or otherwise malfunc-
tioning in any way.

No fruit?! For shame, you can never go wrong with a
good peach. Twinkies.... are for quitters. they're sick.
Don't stick that in your mouth, Kain. As your own
personal sex toy, I beg of you.

mmmmm, sounds like a plan to me... Maybe you should
continually be high, then. You can't risk ending up in a
situation where you need a good idea but don't have one.
that would be... disastrous.

coKAIN: oh, i think i'll live.
coKAIN: you know, i probably do.
coKAIN: better safe than sorry, right?
coKAIN: sorry, i don't approve of things that are good for me
coKAIN: a quitter at what?
coKAIN: a twinkie just sounds really damn good right now
coKAIN: ha, i'll hold off for now.
coKAIN: that would be too expensive
coKAIN: and potentially dangerous
coKAIN: i think i'll just take my chances
coKAIN: besides, i have you to depend on most of the time
coKAIN: i can't go too wrong with library boy on my side.

caleb.hayes. is typing...

caleb.hayes. says:
A quitter of life. You opt for manufactured cream
over the good stuff?! Ah well. A box of Twinkies are
probably ten times cheaper than half a peach, nowa-
days. I haven't had anything other than five dollar
pizza in about three years, too, so I might just kill
for something as disgusting as a twinkie.

Yeah, I suppose... it might just kill you.

Library boy. How endearing.

coKAIN: quitter at life?
coKAIN: no thanks, i'm loving it too much to give up.
coKAIN: i just want a goddamn twinkie!
coKAIN: exactly! good food for cheapskates like me...
coKAIN: oh, you know what else sounds good?
coKAIN: pancakes!
coKAIN: i should come pick you up
coKAIN: we can go to the pancake house
coKAIN: and harass the waitresses
coKAIN: fun shit right there.
coKAIN: actually, i don't know.
coKAIN: i'm pretty tough.
coKAIN: well, it beats sir takes it up the ass
coKAIN: ooh, i think i like that better.

caleb.hayes. is typing...

caleb.hayes. says:
That's good. I'd rather not think of waking up one day
to find out that you blew your brains out or something,
I'm going to be honest. I'd feel a little lonely. I mean,
what else could I do on my Saturday nights other than
Kain? I could take up knitting, but that's a little lame.

...Pancakes? Now you've got me interested. I don't
even care about the harassment, I'm just in for the
food...

Sir What? I don't think so. Because then I'd have
to make up a mean, sexual name for you, and let's face
it, I'm not very good at things like that.

Anyways. I'm sure I'm not the only one.