CSS Rage

[Angry Space Marine]

I wrote some random crap in Algebra III today. Thought I would post it here so I can giggle about it later/show it off to friends.
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Once upon a time in Alaska there were these Counter-terrorists. They were some bored dudes since nothing happens in a frozen wilderness. One day they went outside their base and decided to shoot aluminum cans out of boredom. They shot a lot of cans, and were happy, but the local town’s board didn’t like the Counter-terrorists. The town board called a ban on all aluminum cans. This made the Counter-terrorists bored and angry. But at least they now had something to entertain them. And so the Counter-terrorists jumped in their cars and went to seek out the greatest collection of aluminum cans in the history of mankind to shoot. The town board, aware of this, has hired a bunch of Al Qaeda Terrorists to eliminate the bored Counter-terrorists.

“FFUUUU-” Clyde yelled as a music track made by Celine Dion came on over the radio. He was unable to change his fate due to the fact that he was in the back seat of the assault vehicle. Dick, the driver, felt like being Dick and simply ignored Clyde’s protest to his poor choice of music. Steve was borderline deaf, and was under the impression that the music was coming from someone’s headphones. With that assurance, Steve decided to inform the other six Counter-terrorists riding with him of their desperate mission.

“We’re going to raid the local Recycling collection site for aluminum cans. We will leave no aluminum-can unshot! If the personnel resist, claim we’re working with the American government and tape them to chairs, tape their mouths too! We will shoot these aluminum cans and nothing will stop us!” Steve yelled heroically at his men. They couldn’t really hear him over the Celine Dion music, but they knew it might have been important. He was standing up in the center of the assault vehicle, too arrogant to simply deliver a speech sitting. When the assault vehicle struck a pothole Steve was knocked airborne and hit the floor hard. Everybody laughed their heads off at this occurrence while Steve hatefully bitched about it. Clyde tried to turn off the horrible Celine Dion music, but was punched in the forehead by Dick.

“I like Celine Dion you dick.” Dick said, being Dick. Dick liked to wear his gasmask everywhere, so his Dick personality was partially masked by his Dick desire to conceal his Dick face. Dick loved to drive, because it gave him power. And as such Dick took every chance to be Dick to everyone by choosing the poorest music and most bumpy roads because he knew that nobody could do anything about his Dick actions.

“ARE WE THERE YET?” Brian was getting impatient, excited and terrified of his first mission. He was the closest to the exit hatch of the assault vehicle and was ready to go on the attack. Meanwhile the other Counter-terrorists, Bill, Kilgore and BangedupNoob simply took turns watching TV on a tiny mobile television. The vehicle came to a sudden stop, knocking everyone around because Dick wanted that to happen. Immediately Steve called on the Counter-terrorists to go on the attack.

Brian jumped out first and got killed by the Terrorists who had already barricaded themselves up in the recycling collection building. It was a dramatic death by gunfire, made extra worse by the fact that nobody gave a shit. Steve rushed out of the vehicle next and went Rambo on them. He simply stood there with a pistol firing on the boarded up windows. He killed about five of them with this opening volley of gunfire. Everyone else simply cowered behind randomly spread out bricks, golf balls, and the occasional dryer.

Steve finally got sick of the terroristic bullshit and pulled out his minigun. With his minigun, recycled from the Vietnam war, he tried to pop a cap in someone’s ass. He claimed that, “these niggas don’t have rights when they are dead!” or something like that. Steve often got very profane when in the heat of battle. Another terrorist died from the spray of bullets, since the bullets perforated a nearby wall and caused multiple punctures in the terrorist’s skull due to a high velocity spray of dust. It had to suck to have that happen, compared to being splattered by the minigun itself. The terrorists were intimidated by this and retreated further into the building. This was the Steve’s tastes, as his cowardly Counter-terrorists finally left their hiding places and advanced on the barricaded front door.

lol out of time. kk
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Thanks goes to Microsoft Word.

[308]

How very odd. Some good funny, looks forward to more.

[Angry Space Marine]

"BREACH!!!" Steve howled wrathfully after the squad had stacked up beside the front door. BangedupNoob, the one with the autoshotgun, shot the door open while Clyde rushed in with his handy riot shield. Clyde loved his riot shield since it gave him a self-perceived sense of safety. AK-47 fire greeted the shield wielding Counter-terrorist to no effect while the rest of the Counter-terrorists used Clyde as cover to fire back. Though naturally everyone abandoned Clyde in favor of doorways and soda machines when an RPG came screaming down the hallway.

"FUUUUUUUUUCK!" Clyde was sent flying back out the front door after the RPG exploded on his riot shield. The chunk of metal protected Clyde from a horrific explosive death but didn't do anything to keep him in the battle. He collided with the iced over sidewalk exitting the building and slid down it, powerless to stop his own momentum until he collided with the rugged tire of their assault vehicle.

"DICK! COVER ME!" Kilgore yelled over the AK-47 spray as he pulled out a porn mag. Dick took offense from being called a dick and at first just idled about behind the soda machine before realizing Kilgore's intent. Kilgore threw the porn magazine in an aggressive fashion at the Terrorists, distracting all of them with the sudden appearance of porn, something that made them conspire various fantasies of girlfriends they never had. Immediately the Counter-terrorists seized the moment and shot the hell out of the Terrorists in the hallway. BangedupNoob teabagged and shot rag dolls as they waited for a winded Clyde and Brian to catch up. The sound of footsteps on the floor above caught Steve's attention.

"Bill, behind that soda machine. Kilgore, recollect that shit and burn it later. Clyde, go pickup your shield. We need it. Dick..nevermind. BangedupNoob, get over here and help me out. Brian...Brian? My god..." Steve noticed the peculiarity and had drawn his conclusions.

"Yeah, fuck you guys." Brian flipped off his fellow idle CTs with both middle fingers. He was none too pleased with being shot at and then left for dead. And he would be none to pleased by the spontaneously (re)spawned Terrorists swarming into the room from the stairwell. Brian was downed immediately while everyone else took up their designated positions and opened fire. Steve simply stood in place firing his pistol while BangedupNoob rushed the rush with a rush of his own since he had an autoshotgun which totally warranted a counter-rush. They successfully repelled the attack and made haste to hurry up the stairs. They left Brian's body, since they still didn't give a shit.

[308]

I like Dick.