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 Sargent Jordan Elizabeth Murdokh
Posted: Jan 28 2012, 05:21 AM

New Members.
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Group: Newbies
Posts: 9
Member No.: 94
Joined: 28-January 12

Is this your first bio on either Pollo loco site?: Yes

Designation/Rank: Ex- Second Lieutenant US Armed Forces

Current - Sargent Police

Name: Sargent Jordan Elizabeth Murdokh

Age: 26

Gender: Female

Marital status: Single

Physical description: blonde hair, brown eyes, stand about 5'5" and weighs roughly 124lbs.

Picture: user posted image

('NAME of avatar'.(Jewel Staite))

Cocktail: NA

Unit: Police

[b]Training / abilities:
Survival training, Medic Training, Some Mechanic training (with some natural talent). Police academy training, and detective skills (good perception, eidetic memory). Hand to hand combat training and currently only qualifies for shotguns, small hand guns, and M24. In the past she has qualified in M16A2, and a handful of other weapons that she no longer practices and would not be in a position to pass the standard firing test to be issued the weapon.

Jordan always enjoyed school, learning, and working in her father's mechanic shop. To the outside eye, everything appeared normal, however, late at night with a failing business Owen began to drink and take his frustrations out on his wife. The beating became worse over time, causing Marie to lose a pregnancy. That's when all four children hatched a plan to kill their father. Jordan, being the youngest was to distract their father while he was under a car, Matt then planned crush him. However, their plan failed, foiled by their own mother. Realizing what his daughter was setting him up for, some of his anger turned to her.

Another chance never appeared until the Pulse. In the first few days of the panic the children stabbed their father to death, saving their mother and yet another unborn child. Sadly, the police saw the attack for what it was, and their mother willingly took the fall. Leaving Andrew to care for the remaining children.

Jordan flew through school ending up in college at a young age, and bought time before was able to join the military. Her final escape from the world around her. She enjoyed the first few years of training and learning the ropes, however she gained a name for carrying out distasteful missions, often involving children.

Leaving that life behind shortly after her last promotion she joined a local police department. She spent most of her time closing cases and trying to make up for her past.

She bares whip marks along her back and several knife marks along her arms.

Refusing to look back, she will only speak about the investigation in front of her. However, within a local bar there are still several men that are more than happy to talk to "Sarg" about their military outings.

Other: Jordan's original last name was "Murdoc". When her brother gained custody of his two younger siblings they all decided to separate themselves from their father's name. However, Andrew was married, and had a small child of his own. Unwilling to leave the sound of the last name he switched the "c" to a "kh" to make the transition easier for all involved and to start family legacy of his own.

Personality: With new people she is very tight lipped. She spends time learning about them before she lets her guard down. However, once the shields have dropped she is a loyal friend. She will be the first to run in a burning house to save you, and the last to forgive.

She can be care free and openly loving to the right person.

Family: Father: Dead
Mother: Currently finishing the last few years in prison for killing her husband.
Brother: Logan, Still working at Manticore. Andrew, currently a working patrol for the local police. Matt, killed in a bar fight. Daniel, Unknown.

Vehicle/s owned: Though she often drives a police car she prefers the feel of wind on her face. She rides a vintage 1995 Kawasaki ZX6R, which she had custom painted a blood red color.

Home: She lives only a few blocks from her office. Her one room apartment is a minimalist's dream. She doesn't own a TV, radio or anything else to pass the time. Her home is even absent of mirrors.

Clothes preferred: She normally wears a leather jacket, gray tank top and black genes.

This post has been edited by Jordan on Jan 28 2012, 04:52 PM
Posted: Jan 28 2012, 10:40 AM

Mind and body are a perfect team
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Group: Wolfe
Posts: 6,430
Member No.: 28
Joined: 13-May 08

Hi Jordan, Welcome to the site. smile.gif

You're bio is interesting, just needs a few tweaks and additions to work for us.

I'll give possible solutions as well as pointing out issues. smile.gif

    1.) Her name its either spelt Murdock or Murdoch -- Sorry to nit-pick.

    2.) Given her age her old rank is a bit out of place, it takes about 8.5 years to become a Staff Sergeant, and you've got her going to police academy after leaving the army, as well as a stint in Manticore where they don't promote...

    Fix - Make her a former sergeant, drop the Staff. -- Also have her on a fast track promotion, this helps with the age issues. -- OR better fix is to make her an officer instead. -- You've given her an eidetic memory, make her start college at 15, give her a 4 year degree, so she can enrol in officer school at 19 (youngest can be) -- Then she can legitimately and legally be either a 2nd or 1st Lt., have done time in the 'real' army before being picked to serve at Manticore and been there a while and still have had the time to do police academy, be a uniformed officer and then qualify to become a detective. -- or leave her as uniformed and make her a police Sgt, to account for her being called such.

    3.) Unit = police -- the others apply to Transgenics or similar. smile.gif

    4.) Loose the basic from her military training, she'd have more than basic training.

    5.) Can you qualify the gun statement, to being for the police force only she's approved for hand and shot guns -- again being ex military she should qualify on more than this.

    6.) We need to know her history, even if she refuses to speak on it 'in play'. This is so someone from her past can recognise her and sets up plots like that.

    7.) If she's a detective, she'll not be in uniform or using a squad car. She would be plain clothed and using a car from the motor pool. smile.gif
Posted: Jan 28 2012, 04:06 PM

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Group: Newbies
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Alrighty edited,

Having her last name with the different spelling was there for a reason, but bah, oh well.
Posted: Jan 28 2012, 04:34 PM

Mind and body are a perfect team
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Group: Wolfe
Posts: 6,430
Member No.: 28
Joined: 13-May 08

Ahh you should have said that in anything else. It's never spelt like that why I asked for it to be changed.

Add in the 'anything else' section why her name's spelt like that and you can have it as Murdokh. smile.gif


Leaving open and unmoved so you can switch back the spelling and put in that its part of her plot, so everyone knows this. smile.gif
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