So it looks likely that I'll buy it.

Oh noes.

Is it plasma screens, balearic house and haircuts or ashtrays, pub dog and comb-overs?

Can I get a pack of dry roasted?

The latter, and yes.

Is it the one near your house?

I take it you're going to get someone else to run it and just pop in to rim the barmaids?

Yeah, it's about 15 seconds walk from my house. In the first instance teh missus wants to run it, but when she gets bored we'll get a manager.

The extent of running it will involve sorting the cellar in the morning, there'll be staff for everything else, apart from emergencies and stuff.

Oh yeah, the lease has various gay issues that need to be resolved, so we aren't there yet with the deal.

*checks calendar*

Yep its the yearly crump goes into property topic.

See

"im buying my company"

"im buying shit loads of flats"

"Im buying Liverpool"

etc.

Anyways this sounds like a winner, If you do buy it I like everyone else on this board will expect a tab and my own seat.

I'm having to sell some of my slumlord enterprise to get the dough together.

The problem with the lease is that it's reviewed and renewed every three years, and there's a year to go on it. That means that if I spend loads of dough on the place and make some decent cash, they'll just whack the rent up properly next year... So, the alternative to this is to take a 10 year lease that they're offering, but then you become liable for the building (but the rent is cheaper)

Buying a pub is nearly as big a money pit as buying a restaurant, although the staff ripping you off for booze and fags will at least be related to you. Always had you pegged as a slightly more methodical scouse version of Al Murray, Crump. Maybe the dream's all coming true?

Won't know more til Friday now. Off to London for a few days while things tick on.

That bit is so idealistic, it made me genuinely laugh out loud! Why's it being sold with a year left on the Lease? Presumably the current lessee trying to get some money back before it becomes worthless?

I don't know much about pub leases, but check whether it has a clause requiring you to live on site, I know a solicitor that missed that once.

I understand your concerns, but I've lived in this gaff for years when I was a kid, I've seen the books, tax and VAT returns, I know how much the current guys do not through the books (it's my local) and I also know I'm paying over the odds for the lease - but I don't give a shit as it's a better return than I'm getting with it invested elsewhere and I want it anyway.

I know their motivations (they're old fat twats who just want to live on a beach in Spain now) but that doesnt bother me either way as long as I get the lease sorted in my favour. You don't have to live on and I won't - but I'd save shitloads if I did.

The current dudes have been able to pay managers and still draw their sole source of income out of the place, and my dad is frickin pub expert, fully badged up camra bastard with a rep for the best boozers making the best dough, so I reckon it will work out ok... if it all goes through.

Do they own the pub outright or are they leasing it from a company like punch or enterprise?

Hence you will be taking the lease over with one of these handcuff nightmare deal companys?

It's a full by-the-balls franchise thing, but not as bad as the modern ones. I can operate in those parameters.

Sounds like you've done your homework, hope it works out and I'll be in a for a pint and a game of pool after christmas.

Has anyone else seen the giant 'MYGAYDATE.COM' advert at the bottom of the page? Are the adverts specifically tailored to the site? Or is it just my machine that attracts gay porn?

Doesn't every machine on the internet attract gay porn? Anyway, Crump, at least it's not a franchise thing and it's on your doorstep, which are prolly the best things it's got going for it. My accountants said that you should never ever invest in a pub, but that's prolly because they know me.

No, it is a franchise and I am getting fucked. The only reason this is better than the newer versions is that the only thing I need to sell for the freeholder are the beers, all the other stuff is my own. Anyways, that's why renewing the lease on this basis for as long as poss is important - the place can still make good money with the overheads being what they are.

But as you've probably guessed, this isn't so much about the dough as sorting the gaff out. And yes, I will be running an illegal book. Go betfair!

Is this the pub where jamesP flirted with me and showed off his ipod? I do recall that the patrons were unable to look you in the eye when you walked in, although I put that down to your sparkling attire and didn't consider that you might be converting their favourite drinking hole into a bistro.

But it can't be that one as it was a dump, and the barmaids weren't worth rimming.

It is that one, it is a dump, and the barmaids are pigs.