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Naruto Jiyuu > Ninja Registration > Saru Shade


Posted by: Fuutonshinobi Mar 16 2007, 12:37 AM
Character Name: Saru Shakou
Rank: Jounin (ANBU)
Character Age: 21
Character Height: 5,4
Character Weight: 150 lb.
Starting Village: Hidden Leaf
Elements: 1. Lightning

Items

-2,000yen
-5 kunai
-10 marks.gif's

Character Appearance:
As an ANBU black opp., he needs a mask. His mask resembles that of a monkey. He is skinny. He has black hair. He has tan skin. His kuni and marks.gif holsters are on his right side. He wears shades and a black bandana. He caries his monkey companion Saru. His Leaf headband is on his head. He wears a black shirt, green pants, and arm and shoulder plates.

History:
Shakou's clan (Saru) was massacred by the Akatsuki . He ran away while he was at the academy and heard the news from his teacher. They later found out that one more member of the Saru caln was still alive. They found Shakou , and had a big fight. Shakou didn't have a chance but he kept trying, and almost died, untill his team mates interupted the fight and helped him escape. Now he has left that behind him. But the sight of it all will always be with him.

Primary tree:

Nomingo
Type: Kekkei Genkai
Chakra: 1,000
Description: The user can see how long(days,months,years,ect.) thier enemy will stay alive,but the only downfall is that thay do not how, why, or by who .And its temporary
Regeki lvl 1
Type: Kekkei Genkai
Chakra: 1,500
Description: The users body gets the chakra outline of a monkey and abilitys of the monkey, like monkey speed.
Regeki lvl 2
Type: Kekkei Genkai
Chakra: 2,000
Description: The users body gets the chakra outline of a gorilla and abilitys of the gorilla, like gorilla sterangth.
Regeki lvl 3
Type: Kekkei Genkai
Chakra: 3,000
Description: The users body gets the chakra outline of an orageutang and abilitys of the orageutang, like orageutang wisdom

Main Tree:

Paralyzing Shock (Sutangan no Jutsu)
Type:Ninjutsu
Chakra: 1,250
Description: Sends a small bolt of lightning into the foe in order to stun them for a very brief time.
Lightning Warp (Raikou Sori no Jutsu)
Type: Ninjutsu
Chakra: 2,000
Description: Allows the user to move as fast as lighting to another area close by. From the amount of concentration needed, and the amount of hand signs, this is almost useless in battle.
Veil of Light (Fukumen Jinkourai no Jutsu)
Type: Ninjutsu
Chakra: 12,500
Description: Creates a wall of pure electricity around the user. This wall is almost impossible to penetrate with taijutsu, and blocks most ninjutsu as well. The downside is that it takes enormous amounts of chakra to maintain.

Academy Tree

Bunshin no Jutsu (Clone Technique)
Type: Ninjutsu
Chakra: N/A
Rank: E
Range: -
Type: Supplementary
Description:
This technique must be mastered by any ninja who has graduated from the Academy at the Hidden Leaf Village. It's the most basic technique a Genin must know, since it can be a real lifesaver. This ninjutsu creates an illusional clone of the user.
Henge no Jutsu (Transformation Technique)
Type: Ninjutsu
Chakra: N/A
Rank: E
Range: -
Type: Supplementary
Description:
Henge no Jutsu is the basic skill a ninja must know to become a Genin. It is a very useful and widely used skill in the series, as it has many uses. It's mostly used as a decoy, to confuse the opponent by transforming into somebody that's an ally with the enemy.
Genjutsu Kai (Genjutsu Release)
Type: Ninjutsu
Chakra: N/A
Rank: Unknown
Range: -
Type: Supplementary
Description:
A Ninjutsu technique where the ninja focuses their chakra and screams "kai" or "release." They can perform it on themselves or on others. It will effectively ward off most Genjutsu, unless extremely powerful or when used in conjunction with an advanced bloodline.

Animal Companion: yes
Animal Name: Saru
Animal Species: monkey
Animal description: He is like Shakou (fast and stelthfull)

Posted by: Fuutonshinobi Mar 27 2007, 01:17 AM
I have changed the name

Posted by: Kintaro Mar 27 2007, 01:33 AM
Alright I will review this... >_> once you remove all of the damn colors. I might have a fricken seizure otherwise.

Just make it normal text please...



Oh and remove any little smile faces in your actually descriptions. They get to be really annoying and I hate them with a passion.

Posted by: Fuutonshinobi Mar 29 2007, 12:14 PM
iz a little colors good and i only put a shuriken

Posted by: Kintaro Mar 31 2007, 05:10 PM
Right... let us start from the top. First <_< this is just my own pet peeve but why is his first name shade. I have never met anyone called ice or lamp or garbage(where this currently belongs) or anything like that in real life. Change his name so that is sounds at least kind of Japanese. Next he is to young for ANBU... make him at least nineteen preferably older. The last one on the top section is that bloodline is not an element. You may take a bloodline but it sure as hell isn't labeled its own element. Change it to something that exists.

Next we do his appearance. How does a character look fast or look... stelthful (Lulz) ... I don't even think that is a word. Your character might be fast but I don't see how if I look at him I can tell he is fast and <_< stealthy. What is he a pirate? Why does he have a pirate sign on his chest? Whatever...

Now history is my main problem. Your history is all warped and messed up. First off there is no Akatsuki here... no Naruto... no Kakashi.... no Sasori. Whatever, those are just to get my point across. This is a totally new realm, and alternate dimension if you will. None of those people never existed. So, Sasori couldn't have possibly killed him unless somehow he can shift through dimensions... in which case he would be God. Next you switch between calling your character Shade >_> and Saru. Saru is your clan name not your characters name so it is kind of confusing at certain points. Upon that you only mentioned the name Shade once, whereas you mention he or his a lot. Who he or his? Half of the time you sound like you are talking about the clan or Sasori. Whatever, fix that up.

I won't say anything about the bloodline since that isn't my business but I will comment on your second chart. First off the bloodline should be your primary chart not that odd list of miscellaneous jutsu. Either way that odd list at the bottom has to go. As it stands right now Chidori is not in the actual rp... plus you need to take a chart for jutsu. You don't just list things. Even then though, you have a bunch of different elements there. Earth... lightning... fire... you could only take one of those but to bad it doesn't exist here.

Anyway, take a chart and you get up to I believe 25,000 chakra as an ANBU. Right, have fun... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...


/cry

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