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|Naruto Jiyuu > Technique Chart/Bloodline Registration > Shaneal Clan|
|Posted by: Lord_of_Tayopia Dec 27 2006, 09:47 AM|
| Name: Shaneal
Special Items: Bladed shield, with chain attached to forearm. (10 ft of chain length)
This clan was started by a special group of Nin in the mist country that were thinking of ways to still emply their ways of expert fighting in water as well as fighting on land. They developed a very simple way of combining Doton and Suiton elements to make the earth around them into mud, then using their chakra they made a type of vibration sense, similiar to that of a fish in the water would have.
This group wasnt picked by random, they were a special group of nin they breed of nin they had experimented on increasing their air capacity. Thus making the Clan breed into a Bloodline, the spawn of these ninja have had gain the natural ability to feel people with a sort of tremorsense, and use their chakra to increase their ability to function normally with only one breathe for an extended period of time.
The also used a fearsome weapon that incorperated a bladed shield on a chain. These were known as the Teeth of the Shaneal Beasts, they would fly out of the earth and catch or trip their prey. They used a shield to show their fiersome maw of their clans crest coming at their prey.
This present generation was the first to only be taught in this manner so they will be a sort of test subject to see how well it works. The Clan became well known as the Land Sharks of the Water Country, word passed through as time went on all missing Nin in the country knew that no place was safe to escape. They became Renown Hunter Nin in this fashion. Now this very day their new children are of age to learn the Special jutsu of the Clan.
The user makes the Bird Seal and He slowly sinks into the ground, then he can move freely just as though he was swimming underwater although at this point he can only do it at half his normal speed, and only as long as he can hold his breath. This allows the user to be underground for a total of 2.5 mins, at which time the user will need to resurface or suffocate in the earth, Most do not stay in for that long of a time. (3 posts both total) (Then a 3 post cool down is needed)
(The user can go through, soft earth, like rich forests, and beaches.)
Since this is the clans weapon of choice and the symbol of their deadliness, they were trained from the time they became a ninja in how to use it. Just using it as a shield and throwing it so it would spin into someone/something and cut them.
The user takes a scoop of mud as he swims beneath the earth or while he is above ground. This is mostly prepared at all times as they are chewing a bit in their mouths at all times. Aswell they have a simply of soft dirt in a pouche the keep on their bodies. Then after imbueing a small amount of chakra into the ball it is spat at the enemy. The power of this technique is about the same as a strong punch, but it is mostly used to blind or disarm opponents.
The user focus his chakra into the shield creating a shark head extending from the shield, this head can be used in any way a normal pair of teeth attached to your arm would be, to bite people, things from bellow them. The teeth are as sharp as any sharp rock would be.
This is a extention of their idea of making the ground around them able to swim through. The idea is they leave their chakra lingering and excreating water from their body in the earth they swim through, so that it will make a trail of earth behind them begin to turn into to mud. This would make the fighters on the ground off centered because of the fact of the ground calpsing as it sinks because of the lack of solid mass below it, This would make the above grounders have to concentrate more on keeping stable than fighting.
Land Shark lvl 2
This will allow the user to move more swiftly in the earth than before they can move their normal speed and almost see just as they did before with their tremmorsense ability. They can now sink into the ground fast enough to leap in and out just as easy as they could in water.
(2 post cooldown is needed)
(This allows one to go through hard earth, like dryed plains and hard clay.)
Flying Fish Strike
This is a fast attack that is used to surprised the enemy. The idea is that he user will leap out of the earth at fast speeds to his the opponent, and then dive back into the earth, this can be used multiple times isn't relativly hard.
Tongue of the Beast
The user focus's his chakra to form a sticky mud, around the shield an chain, it is then thrown to grapple their prey so they wont be able to move. It works in the same fashion a chamelon tongue would. The tongue is the same length as the shield and chain which is 10ft total.
With the Same idea as Earthen Jaws, the user makes the shark head on their shield but this time it can be fired at an enemy as missile type jutsu, Allowing the user to in a sense fire the jaws of the shark at his opponent.
The user makes seals while underground and then spits, sending the earth infront of him out like a gyser, this can damage anyone seeing how anything underground isnt pleasent to be hit with.
Land Shark lvl 3
This step of the jutsu allows the user to swim through the earth at incredible speeds much like any fish would, they will even be able to go through harden earth such as rock with their strengthened jutsu to dissolve earth.
The cool down time is still 2 posts but through development of the lungs from using this ability so many times the length is increased to 4 posts)
(this allows one to go through hard earths like thick rock, and mountianous terrian)
The user creates a swarm of 10 Piranna, from each of this Digits (fingers). The Swim their way to anyone stuck in the earth and tears their body into shreds with their cyrstal teeth.
The user swims in circles around opponent(s) causing the earth to sink and making a whirlpool effect on the ground above him, this eventually will make the earth in that whole whirlpool turn into mud and pulling the people into the earth.
Earthen Tooth Devower
The user makes a large mouth filled with the Extremly sharp rock-like teeth that spin in rows, as it sucks creatures into is earth stomach. Dealing massive amounts of damage as the creatures get torn apparent by the rocky teeth.
Swarm Feeding Frenzy
The user focus's chakra to each of his fingers and then grasps the shield and lets loose 5 giant blood thirsty Land Sharks, 4 will begin to surround and direct the opponent into the trap, then the last will spring forth under the unsuspecting victem and swallow them whole in their toothy maw.
Earthen Quicksand Lake
This is an advanced form of the land shark technique the user pumps his chakra through the surrounding earth to the effect of a 50m radius beginning from him. The earth will become much like a thick swampy mud, making it so any plant life in the area will begin to sink down. Anyone walking into the area not noticing the effect will begin to sink down, the more they struggle the more they will sink.
Spiked Earthen Worm
The user puts his shield infront of him as he creates a giant creature made of earth that he controls from within it. The idea consists of combining the idea of making a large mouth of crystal teeth, and a creature that can move swiftly through the earth to surprise and attack the enemy with massive force.
Ultimate Land Shark
The user now has broken into the final form of the Land Shark ability, they now will perform, the swiftest of swiming ability, through the earth. The User can now burrow through even the toughest of earth, with ease. They also will able to stay within it even if the earth wouldn't normally be thick enough for him to normally fit in, allowing him to be inside any stucture aslong as it was atleast as tall as them and made of some sort of earthen material.
(1 post cool down time, can stay under for 5 posts.)
|Posted by: Kintaro Dec 30 2006, 04:49 AM|
| Hey long time no see LoT! Well nice to see you back... so shall we get started with your newest creation?
Ah Shaneal clan... the name sounds a bit odd but hey what ever, that is just my personal pet peeve. Anyway I don't think that the concept is so bad but it most certainly needs a lot of work... some things need to go, some need to be nerfed, chakra prices need to go up, things have to be changed... well let me get into more detail.
The first and most obvious thing that is missing is the clan's history. Clan's and bloodlines need a history of some sort mostly due to the fact well... they have a family name so people need to know about its past, customs, clothing, apperance, and other things as well. Another thing that has come up in discussion amongst the staff is that this clan seems a little bloodlineish. We believe that if you want to continue working on this clan you need to change it into a bloodline. Of course we can avoid the whole bloodline thing if you remove anything about traveling in mud and stick to just the mud element.
Next we have need to go over the techniques themself.
My first problem is with your land shark techniques they should be limited to soft dirt and mud only... that means no sand, no ice, no stone, and other such things. On top of this you shouldn't be able to turn the terrain itself into mud until a much higher level... Id say somewhere near the sanin level seeing as the only two who managed to change the terrain totally were Jirayia and the 1st.
Next we have the shield combat... not sure what that is doing here but it just doesn't fit in. You may state that the clan members prefer to fight with that item but there is no need to make a jutsu for it... if you want them to be use it with depth you will need to make a taijutsu tree for it. On techniques related to the shield may need to be removed or altered accordingly.
The chakra breath... well I understand why you would want it but it most certainly makes these techniques overpowered. It has to go... being able to remain underground for two hours essentially makes you invincible on top of that it doesn't have much to due with the mud element. Either way I am not sure how chakra would allow you to breath more out of one breath.
The shark traveling techniques need a post limit as well. How long does each rank let you use it and don't make it to long. I know the whole clan is based on it but remaining underground the whole time and attacking with suprise with each and every attack is a little much.
For some of the other techniques such as the mud ball... how powerful is it? How far does it travel? Other techniques like the piranha and shark head techniques make them into mud. Your clan should be focused on one element, which for you would be mud. You could have your creations have hardened mud teeth for extra damage but not crystal seeing as how mud and crystal aren't related at all.
My last concern is a simple one. Just increase the chakra price on all of your smaller techniques... you have way to many techniques and a lot of them feel to powerful for their cost. You could have a genin with some awfully strong jutsu.
That covers my problems but Omega and FAB may post more. Good Luck and Have Fun.
|Posted by: Lord_of_Tayopia Dec 30 2006, 11:55 AM|
alrighty all fixed talking it out with kintaro and its good to go with him
|Posted by: Omega2042 Jan 11 2007, 12:21 AM|
| I dont see how anyone could really defeat a user of this chart. At 3,000 they gain the ability to move in and out of the ground with great speed. This is a decent problem of course. How is anyone going to even land a single blow, much less defeat them?
Then you have the whole thing with the shield. I just dont see how it really fits into this chart at all. The same goes for all those things with the crystal teeth.
I guess you could try and nerf it to a point where someone wouldnt have to GM to beat you, but I dont see how you could without changing the whole thing.
|Posted by: Lord_of_Tayopia Jan 11 2007, 02:58 AM|
| hmm i didnt see this for a while,
=well actually they cant move that fast only as fast as someone could run normally on land not like a track star, or some ninja just like a normal persons running speed.
= they also cant see as well as they could above ground so they dont have that good accuracy so all those charts that have speed could easily dodge everything they could pull out.
=As for the crystal, where does crystal come from they earth, all im saying is the next step in hardness of earthen things after rock is crystal, if you just want me to say its rock that is hard then thats fine.
=for the fact of how they can hurt them its pretty simple any earth, water, plant user could take them down with ease, I mean there are plenty of clans that are more overpowered. I mean Hyuuga and Uchiha are way more overpowered than this i mean if you really want to get down to it i can take out the holding breathe thing and nerf it to where they have to take a post before they can submerge again to regain breath, but i mean that seems rather nerfed. Would that be alright?
=lastly as for the shield thing, its just what they use. Its their clan weapon i mean i didnt see you bugging when a puppet user has other jutsu in the chart, or when the Uchiha had that "special" windmill shuriken, although naruto used it as well but then never again.
|Posted by: Uchiha Satori Jan 11 2007, 03:39 AM|
| Somewhat valid points I suppose. As of now the major problems are this:
1) The users can stay undeground for a noticeably long about of time, with little or no cool time.
My Suggestions: 8 and 15 posts.. far far too long. The jutsus should take some time of cool down.. so the user isn't in the ground for 90% of the match. You suggested a time to catch breath.. honestly I'd prefer 2 posts over 1. But.. I'll see what Omega and Mike think.
2) Some of the jutsu should be higher leveled, particularly, Tongue of the Beast &*
3) As Omega said, the shield. Yeah, I know, it's the clan weapon. However, it's not what the chart is based on, and isn't necessary for the jutsus that define it. Of course the shield could still be purchased.
|Posted by: Lord_of_Tayopia Jan 11 2007, 04:41 AM|
| alright i nerfed the jutsu quite a bit is that alright?
I'm not getting rid of the shield even though you dont see it nessary i do, The war fan isnt nessary to create a wind but it is still used to. I see how you can say its not needed but as far as im conerned its a major part of the clan. If you want me to used my money to buy its that fine ill even go without kunai and shuriken, but im not going to just say i'll get it later.
|Posted by: Omega2042 Jan 11 2007, 09:23 PM|
| The problem I have with the shield is that it doesnt seem to have a place on the chart. The jutsu that go with it just seem like something that could be an earth jutsu. It would make more sense if there was some idea as to a style they used with it. It is a clan weapon so I would assume there is a clan style of combat with it.
Moving on. The crystal teeth. I dont see the connectiong between them and the rest of the chart.
Next we have the prices. At 3,000 you have them get the next level of the underground moving. This seems too low to me as most other levels take longer to gain. Overall, I think the levels are too close together.
Finally, there doesnt seem to be a strong theme with this chart. You sort of dance all over the place with things. You have ninjutsu, jutsu with the shield, semi-summoning, earth jutsu. There isnt a clear theme here.
|Posted by: Lord_of_Tayopia Jan 11 2007, 09:49 PM|
| There is a theme is all related to making the ground an area for the "shark" (the user)
-if you look almost all of the just relates to making the ground more like water and all the attacks are based on fish, of some kind except the tongue. There isn't summoning they are simply like when Kisame make those fish out of water, or any of the dragon fires, Or any of those moves the snow ninja used to create any of those animals the shape is simply for effect.
-I'm getting really sick of having to argue about this, this really isn't that big of a deal, but fine let explain it.
There does that help, look this is the person i want to make this time if there cannot be allowed because you don't see the point, well i do and if you dont like the clan then i dont wish to continue. because you insist on giving me such a hard time on a thing like having a shield, when you allowed my puppet user to start with three puppets as a genin and a prostetic arm that had a metal wire reel and 3ft long scissors. If it makes you happy i can say to enter the bloodline/Clan/Whatever you have to cut off your right arm and then a prostetic one is applied with a hand and whatnot so they shield is mounted on that................................
|Posted by: Omega2042 Jan 11 2007, 10:00 PM|
|Wow, I just started to talk to you about it after that post and you log off of AIM and then quit. Real classy man. Guess you just couldnt take your "perfect" little chart having problems!|
|Posted by: Lord_of_Tayopia Jan 11 2007, 10:11 PM|
|alright look i came back not because omega whined, and called me "Classy". I came back, because although i dislike omega i do like the form and most well just not omega.The rest of the people on here.....|