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 The Jinchuuriki
genius619
Posted: May 31 2007, 04:57 AM


Unregistered









Character Name: The Jinchuuriki
Rank: Chuunin
Character Age:12
Character Height: 5"4
Character Weight: 105 lbs.
Starting village: Village Hidden in the Leaves
Primary Element/Secondary Element :Water/Earth
Character Apearance: Has a Hoodie,Baggy pants and ruber shoes somtimes black sometimes gray. Wears a cap so no one sees his freaky hair. Always looks energetic

History: He was a well respected chuunin until they found out he had the 10 tails inside of him he works hard to regain his respect. He found out when he was young that he was seperated at birth and he is part of the Ryoko clan. In search for his parents and and his evil brother Zenkai Ryoko he must go to the Hidden Village in the Mists.

Starting jutsu: Mud jutsu

ps. I got some help from Zenkai Ryoko

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Ds14
Posted: Jul 28 2007, 09:30 PM


Whoa. 1,000 posts. I'd like to thank the great King Turtle.
*

Group: Admin
Posts: 1,450
Member No.: 45
Joined: 22-January 06



There are a lot of errors with this chart. I'd probably suggest starting it over. I'll go through them for you just in case you were still interested in joining or you wanted some stuff cleared up.

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Character Name: The Jinchuuriki
Look at Naruto and Gaara. They both have names. This character doesn't have a name and you only refer to him as "The Jinchuuriki". This would be semi-fine as a title, but not as a name.

Rank: Chuunin
Character Age:12

That's really young for a Chuunin, but it's okay if you can explain why he's so young in his biography.

Character Height: 5"4
Character Weight: 105 lbs.
Starting village: Village Hidden in the Leaves
Primary Element/Secondary Element :Water/Earth
Character Apearance: Has a Hoodie,Baggy pants and ruber shoes somtimes black sometimes gray. Wears a cap so no one sees his freaky hair. Always looks energetic


History: He was a well respected chuunin until they found out he had the 10 tails inside of him he works hard to regain his respect. He found out when he was young that he was seperated at birth and he is part of the Ryoko clan. In search for his parents and and his evil brother Zenkai Ryoko he must go to the Hidden Village in the Mists.


Huge problem here, holmes. A twelve year old would probably not be a chuunin and would much less likely be a well respected one. Another problem would also be that there is no 10 tails. The 9 Tails, the Kyuubi, is the strongest Jinchuuriki. Try focusing on the character more and on the tailed beast less.
I also don't like the idea of an "evil" brother. This is probably a personal touch and you'd have to ask another mod to be sure, but it seems that nobody in the Naruto series is just evil. Even the Akatsuki members have reasons for what they're doing.


Starting jutsu: Mud jutsu


Check over the rules and you'll see information about tech trees. Then check other people that have joined and been accepted.

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