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Weekly Lamp Post™
Brought to you by Pokemaniac John Publishing ltd.

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Headlines Today: Weekly Lamp Post™ Announces New Cartoon Feature
-Pokemaniac John

Editor Pokemaniac John recently announced that The Weekly Lamp Post™ is to begin featuring a short cartoon, entitled The Adventures of Mega Muscles®. He stated that "it is our aim with Mega Muscles® to provide our readers with some light-hearted entertainment, in a media world dominated by politics. We will of course continue to provide high quality, impartial political news, and coverage of other world events." The announcement at a recent press conference was met with much approval, and the cartoon is expected to be a roaring success. Readers are now eagerly awaiting the first episode, "Park Problems", later in this issue.

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In Other News: Conspiracy Theorist Theorises Conspiracy
-Pokemaniac John

Prominent conspiracy theorist Dan Burgundy recently stormed into the offices of The Weekly Lamp Post™ in Epiphany's Media Square, with a conspiracy theory. He presented his theory to our Chief Mop Operator, who recommended it should be published as a pointless filler story. It is suggested that the creative energies of all newspaper editors are being sapped using some sort of device, nicknamed the Creative Energy Sapping Device. He states that this is a plot by either Boo Labs or the government. He is quoted as saying "the obvious possibility is that the government is doing this to avoid any bad press. But being a stalwart evil capitalist I don't think this could be the case. It must be those pesky Boo cultists with their pentagrams and moustaches."

Despite the recent lack of published news, most people are discounting this theory entirely.

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The Weekly Lamp Post™ - Illuminating The Week.®


Weekly Lamp Post™ Of Ostentia, the Weekly Lamp Post™ logo ω☼ℓ®, Mega Muscles® and the Weekly Lamp Post™ slogan "The Weekly Lamp Post™ - Illuminating The Week."® are all © Pokemaniac John Publishing ltd.

The Creative Energy Sapping Device is a myth. The true reason is that we can't be bothered and are using the fact that we're at university and have work to do as an excuse ...

Boo Labs did not create the Creative Energy Sapping Device.

And it most certainly isn't currently turned on and aimed at the House of Commons.

That's silly talk.

Fixed

*puts on tinfoil hat*

It also doesn't penetrate tin-foil.

Because it doesn't exist.