Let's Hit The Open Road, Alana

[Alana Starbeck]

Alana could sense a shift, a change, in Matt. It wasn't just his responses either, it was his whole demeanor, even his body language was different. He was normally so happy go lucky and witty. Tonight he just seemed.... serious. Normally Alana would pray for Matt to be serious, if even just for a moment, but she didn't like him like this. It was scary. He was not her Matt. She stared at him for a long moment, trying to pinpoint hat exactly it was that was making him seem so foreign to her all of a sudden. The silence filled her ears as she studied him. Alana could see the frown he was wearing, the odd look in his eyes, the tense way he sat with his shoulders ramrod straight- it was all so awkward for him. She heard a bird chirping in the distance and then suddenly it dawned on her- he was being quiet! Matt as quiet, and not just taking a few moments pause in between thoughts, but quiet as in not really talking at all anymore. It was like he was so immersed in his thoughts that he had shut down completely. Whatever it was he was thinking about had him utterly lost in his own head. She knew there were only a few things he could be thinking about that would make him this way- her and her father. Alana felt a sadness well up inside of her. This was why she hadn't wanted to tell him. She didn't want to drag him down into her rotting pit of despair and self loathing and darkness. Matt was the antithesis of all that stuff and he shouldn't have to be anywhere around it, around her. She wore darkness like a robe; she wrapped it around her because it was all that she knew. But Matt, Matt knew light and happiness and love. He had to if he could share it all with her like he did. She stifled a sob in her throat, swallowing thickly. This should not be happening to him. He didn't deserve to be dragged through this bloody mess she had forced on him. After she broke the kiss she wrapped her arms around his waist and tucked her head into his chest, just holding onto him. His words were sweet and soothing, like a balm for her soul. But she still felt so awful about everything. "I love you too, Matt. I really, truly do. And you are amazing. I don't deserve you, but I'm selfish enough to want to keep you. Forever, if I can." she smiled softly. Alana was too lost in her thoughts and in the depth behind his words to form an accurate response to his slight teasing. She simply nodded her head against his chest to indicate she would cast a silencing charm on him. She sighed and shifted a bit, making herself more comfortable.

Matt moved against her, sitting up straighter and she repositioned herself with him. He was comfortable to lean on- literally and figuratively. Alana shook her head at his question. "No more nightmares recently. Thank Merlin! The potion is working fine, and I brewed enough to last me through to the winter holidays. I should be fine." she hated that she had to rely on a potion to sleep, but it was better than having the nightmares. It was better than not sleeping at all, which is what she used to do. Maybe after they fought her father she wouldn't have to take the potion as much. Maybe then the wounds would heal and she could rest. Maybe. Alana raised her head up from Matt's shoulder at his remark and stared at him in disbelief. He didn't want her to fight? Was he insane?! Of course she was going to fight, it was her fight in the first place! She knew he was trying to protect her, but she wasn't going to let him just go run off and duel her father on his own. He said he didn't want to lose her, well she sure as bloody hell didn't want to lose him either. And the only way to make sure she didn't was to be next to him during the fight. "Matt, I know you don't want me to get hurt. But, you seriously underestimate my dueling skills. Secondly, you are relying too heavily on the fact that my uncle will agree to help. And, finally, you have yet to realize that I'm going to fight because it's my fight. I don't want to lose you either, and I refuse to sit on the sidelines and worry like some mother hen when I know I could be right next to you, helping you win. I'm not letting you face him alone. I have faith in your abilities, but if something does happen and he gets the upper hand I want to be there to protect you, the same way you want to protect me. I am fighting." she kept her voice calm, but stern. There was no way he was going to talk her out of this. None. She raised her eyebrow at his question. "I.... I don't think he does, unless you announce your name, he might not recognize you on sight." What an odd question.

[Matt Roberts]

Matt nodded his head seriously when she told him that she was no longer having nightmares, at least that was one comforting thing. But unfortunately she did still have to take her potion in order not to have them. He wasn't sure what part of him had been expecting them to stop all of a sudden or why. It was almost as though he had subconsciously hoped that by his mere presence and knowledge of the situation, of them finally being together, that they would halt. What an unrealistic and naive thing for him to have assumed. And for him not to have even known he was assuming it all! It was madness, all of it. He smiled at her, though it wasn't his usual smile, "Well, I'm glad you've made enough for the holidays. I also hope that you know that you'll be coming home with me. Obviously your own home is out of the question and I am not going to be letting you spend the holidays alone here at school. You'll come won't you? I believe Charlotte also wants to come with us as well, as you know she can't really go home either." He hoped she wouldn't care about Charlotte coming but he figured that she wouldn't, Charlotte was like a little sister to the both of them.

Then there was the look, the look Alana gave him as if she was questioning if he'd gone mad. Sadly, Matt didn't know what his answer would be to that question if she had asked him that out loud. He didn't want to believe that he was slowly losing his sanity but a part of him thought that it was slowly seeping away and that a new poison was running thin through his veins waiting to take him over when he least expected it. He understood her argument but he still didn't like the idea of losing her, how could he? How could he let her be killed? What if he had to witness it himself? What if she died and he lived? He would live a lifetime of guilt and loss and shame. He would be in complete agony. He straightened up even farther, hazel eyes connecting with hazel eyes once more, "Firstly, as much as I tease you about your dueling skills, I have no doubt that you are excellent at it. This isn't about any confidence I have in your ability to duel, far from it actually. And if your Uncle decides not to fight, I wouldn't be foolish enough to try and take your father on my own. I will get some other help elsewhere, be it my father or someone else. And while it is your fight, it isn't right for you to fight. You would be the first target. No matter what happens, while you are in the fight, you will be the one whom he is trying to get. I doubt he'd even go after my father, the Auror, before he would go after you because he would think that you had brought us to him rather than us coming on our own accord. So if you would please just consider the idea of not fighting, just consider, you don't have to sign your name in blood or anything, I'd be happy enough with that for the moment." Should we have to see the sense of it, wouldn't she? Matt looked at her, "And if I announced myself, what would his reaction be?"

[Alana Starbeck]

Alana had already decided she would stay at Hogwarts for the holidays, but if Matt wanted her to go with him then she would. How could she pass up spending time with her best mate turned boyfriend? She gave him a brilliant smile, "I would love to spend the holidays with you Matt. I was going to stay here, but I'd much rather go with you. And I don't mind Charlotte at all. I know she can't go home either. Her father is almost worse than mine I think." Alana shook her head sadly. The poor Gryffindor girl was still being abused by her father. At least Alana's had stopped hurting her when she got old enough to defend herself.

She locked eyes with Matt. It was almost like a battle of wills, to see who could make the other bend to their wishes first. She could understand and appreciate where he was coming from in his argument, but she was going to fight. She would tell him she would consider not fighting just to appease him, but in the end, she would be there with him. Whether she was the primary target or not. "Whether or not I'm the primary target remains to be seen. If I'm there but he can't see me, I won't be the primary target." she gave him a mischievous look. "Did you forget Matt? I come with my own built in cloaking device. I can be an auror," Alana changed her appearance so that she had long, straight blonde hair, green eyes and looked to be about 35 years old, the only thing that remained the same was the smirk on her face. "... or I can be a fellow student," she shifted to make herself look like Charlotte, only with shorter hair. "Or, if I really want, I can be a relative." Alana changed again, this time her hair became short, curly and dirty blonde and her face became square and masculine. When she figured she had proved her point, she changed back to her normal self. "He can't target me if he doesn't know it's me." she sighed."But, if it will make you happy, I will consider not going. Know I am only considering this because you asked and I love you. if you are willing to give your life for me, the least I can do is consider protecting mine for you." she huffed slightly and crossed her arms, looking very pouty and put out. She knew she was acting somewhat immaturely, but she didn't care. Alana considered his question for a moment before responding. "I don't rightly know. I have mentioned you, but he very rarely ever listens to me, if he's around to hear me talk at all. I suppose he would only really recognize the name if he knows your father, which I'm sure he does since they both work for the Ministry."

[Matt Roberts]

Matt had assumed that Alana would come with him, he just knew it was more polite to give her some advanced notice rather than spring it on her the day before the holidays. But at the mention of Charlotte's father, the seventh year's anger grew even more. How could fathers do this? What would it have been like if his own father had been like that? What would he have done if his own father had tried to do that very same thing to Mallory? He shuddered at the thought, though the anger grew even more. He knew his father would never harm a hair on her head but the very thought that there could be a father, who had Mallory as a daughter, would be able to bring harm to her. It wasn't something irrational, their were fathers demented enough to bring pain to Alana, the most wonderful girl he had ever met, and Charlotte, one of his best friends. The world was more disturbing than he had ever thought it to be. He felt as though up until now, he had seen the world through rose-colored lens, and now they had been taken off, and he saw the world for what it truly was. Dark, twisted, wrong. He tore himself from his mind with great difficulty and turned to give Alana a small smile, one that was all wrong for him. "I'm glad to hear that you both will be coming to stay with me." His words came out formally and without any sort of feeling behind them. Would he be able to make it to the holidays without storming off to her father's house to fight him? He honestly doubted it.

Matt watched absentmindedly as she shifted through her appearances. It was true that he hadn't thought of it but still it didn't make him any more willing to let her be present. Even if she wasn't the primary target, she still had the chance of dying. He didn't want her to die nor did he want their to be any slight chance of that ever occurring. After she was done going playing with her appearance Matt looked at her, "I get it. You can change your appearance so your dad wouldn't know it was you. But don't you think he might think of that as an option? Why else would two guys come to the house, an Auror and his son, and some girl that he doesn't recognize nor has he ever heard of? I think he might catch on. From what you've told me, your dad isn't unintelligent." He thought that he made a fair point and hoped that she realized that. He wasn't going to let her fight. She couldn't. He couldn't let that happen. What if he lived and she didn't make it? He wouldn't be able to go on without her, with the guilt eating him alive. No way. He felt as though he was seeing right through her at the moment, she wasn't even really going to consider it, she was just going to tell him that she was to give him some peace of mind. He turned to face her, his eyes locked on hers, "Are you even really going to consider it? Or are you just telling me that you're going to so that I don't go mad or something?" He had an angry edge to his voice though he felt no anger towards her. His anger was becoming more prominent with each breath he took. He listened to her answer, that wasn't as promising as he had hoped it would be. There had to be a way to make sure her father was angry with him for being there, angry with him moreso than he was angry with his daughter. He looked out onto the empty quidditch pitch, "And what if I announced myself as Matt Roberts, aspiring Auror and the son of Michael Roberts? what would his reaction be then?"

[Alana Starbeck]

Alana smiled to herself. She heard so much about Matt's family and their holiday traditions and she had always been envious. Now, she would get to go home with him to the happiness and love and celebrations. She was going home with Matt- why did that sound so right? They were still new in their relationship but they had known each other forever and she had passed "liking" Matt a long time ago. She knew she was falling for him and badly. And the only thing getting in the way of their relationship right now was her father. Her bloody awful, rotten, despicable father. Alana narrowed her eyes in irritation. Her father was always getting in the way of her happiness. Always. She sighed and turned her attention back to Matt. He sound glad that she and Charlotte were going home with him. She frowned. "That wasn't very convincing. If you don't want me to go home with you, you didn't have to offer."

Alana frowned again. "He might, but how would he know for sure? He is intelligent, but if we make it seem like a legitimate auror case, he won't catch on." Alana knew it was a lame idea, but it could work. Doubtful, but she had to hope for the best. She knew she was losing this argument and she hated it. She didn't want him to go by himself. she couldn't stand it if something happened to him because of her and she wanted to be there to protect him. What if her father hurt him... or worse... killed him and she wasn't there to help him? She could NEVER forgive herself. Ever. Alana turned her face from him. She had agreed to consider it, but would she really? probably not. "Well, I was going to considerate it. Maybe. I just .... I couldn't stand it if something were to happen to you and I wasn't there to help. I would never be able to forgive myself Matt." She turned her hazel eyes towards him, her emotions easy to read. At his statement Alana's mouth fell open in shock. Why would he do something like that? "Why on earth would you announce yourself like that?! My father would probably use an Unforgiveable without hesitation. That's like.... suicide, Matt." Her voice rose in pitch as the frustration and worry she was feeling closed in on her even more. "Please don't think you have to sacrifice yourself for me, Matt. I don't want that."

[Matt Roberts]

Matt turned to give Alana a shocked look. He hadn't meant for it to come out like that, not at all. He desperately wanted both her and Charlotte to come home with him for the holidays. He wanted them both to get a taste of real family life, something they were both deprived of. He took her hand in his, "I didn't mean it like that. I really do want you to come home with me. Honestly, I do. My mind was just somewhere else. I really am glad you're coming with me. Mom will be excited," he gave her what he hoped was a warm smile. He wondered if she knew that something was wrong with him, really wrong with him. He didn't want to talk about it. He didn't want to think about it but he couldn't stop himself. It was festering inside of him like some sort of disease. A disease that he didn't know how to stop.

"Well, it would be hard to assume it was a legitimate Auror case because I'll be there. I'm pretty sure that he'll know that I'm not an Auror. He probably knows most of the Aurors anyways, don't you think? He works at the Ministry after all." He was pretty sure that she wouldn't know what any of the other Aurors looked like. He had met most of them, either at his house or while he was at the Ministry with his father. He was definitely not going to tell her what any of them looked like. She was not going to win this argument and he could sense that she knew that deep down somewhere. She was losing the battle, she had to know that. She had to know that she couldn't go, he wanted her to be safe. He didn't want anything bad to ever happen to her again. She had suffered enough. He shook his head at her words, "Why would you feel guilty? I'm willing to do this, actually I'm begging you. Have I ever begged you for anything before? I want you to stay safe, Alana. Haven't you suffered enough at your father's hands? Just let me do this. Please," his voice faltered towards the end, his plea almost coming out as a whimper. He needed her to let him do this by himself. He couldn't let anything bad happen to her. Ever. His lips turned up into a sadistic smile. That was just the answer that he was hoping for. "Well, then if you come with me, to keep you from being a primary target, thats exactly how I will introduce myself. Just so you know," he replied, feeling very pleased with himself for finding something that may cause her the slightest hesitation in coming with him. He said nothing to her previous statement. He was getting lost inside of his own head, planning the ways in which he would love to hurt her father. Was he any better than him for thinking this way?

He needed time to think. He needed to go lock himself up in a room somewhere and figure it all out before everything was too late. He looked at her for a moment, his eyes showing the torment that was going on inside of him. He cleared his throat, "Well, I have to get working on that Transfiguarion essay. I hate to cut it short but I really do need to get to work on it. I'll probably try writing my father again too. Want me to walk you back to your Common Room?" He tried to sound casual but he could tell that he probably wasn't going to fool her.

[Alana Starbeck]

Alana frowned to herself. He held her hand in his and she gave him a small smile. "Ok." He was so different lately, Alana was worried. Very worried. But she stamped it down, trying to focus on the discussion at hand.

Alana just huffed at him. Why was he always so bloody stubborn? Why couldn't he see that she was worried because she loved him? Was that such a difficult concept for him to grasp? Honestly! "Nevermind.... Just, just nevermind, Matt." she sighed, running her hands down her face. She was tired of talking in circles with him. They were both being stubborn about everything and they were getting no where. Alana was tired. She was going to do what she wanted to do, and that was dueling her father... with Matt. He was just going to have to accept it. She narrowed her eyes at his subtle threat. "That's not very fair, Matt. Not fair at all."

Alana caught the look in his eyes and she felt the guilt rising up inside herself again. He was feeling this because of her. She was like a poison, killing him slowly and she hated it, hated what she was doing to him. She shook her head at him, "No. That's okay. I'm just going to stay outside for a little while. I am probably going to take a walk or go sit by the lake for awhile. Go do your homework." she felt tears welling up in her eyes, but she pushed them back. She would cry when he was gone, when she was alone.

[Matt Roberts]

He had honestly thought that his begging would have more of an affect than it did. He hardly ever begged for anything. He couldn't remember doing it at all around her but maybe she was just that stubborn. He of course looked over his own stubbornness because he felt he was in the right, obviously. He just huffed along with her and leaned back in his chair, "Yeah, whatever. We're never going to agree on this." And that was the truth. He loved her too much to agree with her, why couldn't she see that? Why couldn't she see that all of this was because he loved her that much? It was written right in front of her, was she just to blind to see it? Did she not believe that he cared that much for her? The audacity of that stunned him for a moment. That couldn't be it. He shrugged his shoulders, "On the contrary, I do believe that I've heard somewhere that all is fair in love and war." He gave her a quick smile as he raised his eyebrow. Yup, in his opinion, he was winning. She was losing. And that was that.

He wasn't sure if he should leave, she didn't seem happy. But all he would do was bring her down with him if he stayed out here. He couldn't do that. He stood up, then bent down to kiss her softly, "Alright. Have a good walk. I'll meet you in the Great Hall tomorrow at breakfast." He stood back up, "I love you." He said this with more intensity than the conversation really required at that exact moment. He turned on his heel and started to walk off, hoping that he was doing the right thing.

[Alana Starbeck]

Alana shook her head, "At least we agree that we're never going to agree." she replied somewhat jokingly. "That's got to be a step in the right direction." Alana closed her eyes, taking herself away for a moment. It was a trick she had often used when she was with her family. A few moments behind closed eyes, a few moments where she could pretend she was somewhere else. Often she would relive the current situation, but she would see how she wanted it to play out, instead of how it was playing out. She saw her and Matt agreeing that they would go together because it was the right thing to do, to have each others backs. Alana opened her eyes. Sometimes reality could be a bloody pain in the arse. She snorted at his comment. "Is it? Doesn't seem that way all the time." she commented more to herself than to him.

Alana looked up as he stood. He gave her a soft kiss and she kissed him back. She practically melted at his words- she always did when he said he loved her. She was head over heels for him. Alana nodded at him and stood as well. "See you in the morning." she wrapped her cloak tightly around her. "I love you too Matt." her response held as much emotion in it as his had. He started to walk away and she watched him until the tears in her eyes made him just a blur. Damn him and his stubbornness, damn her and her stubbornness. And most of all, damn her father for putting them in this situation to begin with.