Title: Mina's Honest Lies
Description: Diary/Journal/Thing To Put Thoughts In
Mina Von Uhl - April 21, 2008 09:35 PM (GMT)
Sunday
Exactly two years after her kindapping"Well, this sucks. It's been exactly two years since the last time I saw my family. God, I miss them so much. Mum and Pop and Kayley. I guess I took them for granted before. But now...now I'd give anything to see even a glimpse of them. I don't know how much longer I can stand it here.
I don't know. Miss Anyanka isn't so bad. She's kinda nice sometimes, when she wants to be. People tell me I've never seen her mad. I guess that's a good thing, no? She's never been real cruel to me. Except yell at me a few times when I first arrived here. Now we just kind of avoid eachother. I guess that's best. Maybe she'll let me go soon. Maybe not. I just hope she doesn't kill me. I know very well what she is. She hasn't 'fed' from me yet, thankfully. I heard it hurts like hell. I wouldn't know. And I don't talk to anyone else, so I wouldn't know who to ask. Not that I would really want to. I'd rather not know.
Anyway, I don't know what to do anymore. Being a servant to Miss Anya, like I said, isn't so bad. I don't have to do much. Just pick up around the manor for her and do what she tells me, which is never too hard. She lets me go around when I want. I just can't leave the grounds. I wouldn't want to anyway. Considering what she is, I don't know what other creatures are out there. I never go past the garden gates.
The other people here aren't as nice. Some of them, anyway. Some treat me like crap. I may be human, but I am not just a little dimwitted child. Karma is a nasty thing, and I am sure they'll get what is coming to them eventually. Hopefully a nice long stake in their heart.
I'm still confused on the vampire legends. I don't want to ask Miss Anya, that would be rude. As much as I don't like being here, I can at least be well mannered about it. But still, I'd like to know if there's some kind of thing that kills them. I know sunlight bothers them, since I never see them outside during the day. That's my busiest time. I'm always running around outside for her. At least I get my exercise!
Maybe one day I'll be able to scape. Or she'll let me go. I don't know how long she was planning on keeping me here. I don't know where to go even if I was able to leave. I mean, I don't know where I am half the time. I don't know where my parents are, or how to find out. Maybe I could ask Miss Anya to contact them for me. Just once, to let them know I am alive and safe. Well, maybe not safe, but alive at least. I guess I can ask her. Hopefully she won't get mad. I'd like to keep my feeding virginity, thank you.
I still need to figure out why I am even here. I've aked her that before, but she still hasn't answered me. Why me? I'd rather have myself than my sister, of course, but why me in particular? And what are her plans with me? Is she planning on killing me? Or just keeping me here as some kind of amusement? All these questions and more and buzzing around in my mind. I probably won't ever know the answers to them. I probably don't want to know the answers either.
Sometimes I just want to give up and let her kill me, if that's her intentions. I don't know. I mean, I am sure eventually her fangs will find their way into the flesh of my neck. I'll just need to stay strong until they do. I can't give up, no matter what my mind makes me want to think. I will find a way out of here eventually. And until I do, I'll just need to study their habits. Maybe I can figure out one of her weaknesses all on my own." Mina Von Uhl - April 24, 2008 11:37 PM (GMT)
Tuesday
two days before her transformation"Bloody hell. This is so confusing. I can't believe I am thinking this. I cannot believe myself. This is so confusing. It's been two days since my last entry, and everything has changed. For the better or worse, I am still deciding.
I think I am...falling in love with Miss Anya. I don't know. I mean, every time I see her I can't help but shake, and not in fear. At first I was terrified of her. But now it's different. I am not scared of her anymore. Well, much. She still likes to creep up on me, like she's trying to give me a heart attack. I don't know.
Well anyway, there's just something about her that makes me want to just grab her and hold her close to me. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's the fact that she has been actually nice to me, unlike some of the other people. She always says that she cares for me. I thought she was lying. But the more I listen to her, the more I know she's being honest. Then again, honesty is a fancy lie. Maybe she's tricking me into trusting her. Maybe it's all a game.
I don't know how to distinguish the difference though. This is all so confusing. I can't ever tell her. There's no way. Even if I loved her, there's no way she could ever love me back. She's a vampire. I'm not. It wouldn't work out anyway.
She says she cares about. That I am her only joy in this horrible place. Does that mean she loves me too? I don't know. Maybe she's just being nice. Not all vampires can be as rude as some of the people here. After all, she did say the person who turned her was very nice. But that could be another lie. It seems all of my life now is lies.
But what if it's not? What if she does love me? How can I ever be with her? Oh God, the looks we would get. Besides, she has forever. I don't. I mean, maybe that's what she's trying to do. Trying to get me to love her. But why? It wouldn't last anyway. But maybe...
...maybe she wants to turn me. Hell bloody no. There's no way I could do that. Even if she did love me. I hate vampires. They are nothing but horrible monsters. Well, besides Miss Anya. She seems to be the only nice on so far.
I couldn't turn though. I don't want to die, but I don't want to live forever either. Would it be so bad? Spening eternity with Anya? But this is only a fantasy. She might not love me, so eternity with her wouldn't be very good. I don't think the vampiric lifestyle is for me anyway. I rather like the sun, and my tan.
I can't joke. This is no laughing matter. If that really is her plan, I don't know what I will do. I think I love her, but I don't know. I think she loves me, but I don't know. I don't know anything right now. Maybe I should give it time, to figure everything out. I can't very well talk to her about this. I'd feel like a fool. I'll just watch her reactions around me. See if she's acting the way I am. I can't get my hopes up. I have to pretend I don't like her at all, and see what she says and does. This should be an interesting couple of days. Mina Von Uhl - May 23, 2008 09:51 PM (GMT)
Saturday
two days after her transformation
"And now the topper of the cake. I was right. Anya loves me. Can you believe this? She LOVES me. She said it herself. I told her everything. And now...we'll be together forever.
Forever. There's a loaded word. I said it. Forever. I have forever now. Oh...I didn't tell you? Yeah, Anya turned me.
Now don't get testy. I wasn't exactly planning on doing it, so it wasn't really my fault. I was just out walking. I sat down by the garden to draw, and Anyanka followed me. I don't know why, but something set me off. I started yelling at her. Then before I knew it, I was wrapped in her arms and she was comforting me. I kissed her cheek, and she blushed. I don't know why I did it. It just felt right.
Then I kissed her. And she kissed back. I knew it, then and there. She loves me. I asked her to feed from me. Stupid, I know. But I wanted to make sure this wasn't a game, that she really did love me. If she didn't, she would simply kill me while feeding.
And you know what? She didn't. She stopped right away. Then everything kind of went fuzzy. I collapsed on the ground. Anya said I had to turn. God the pain was like hell fire. She told me I would die. Damn it, I didn't want to die! So I took her life into me. And that's that.
So now here I am, my first entry as a vampire. No one knows yet, not even Emerence or Nickolas. I can't tell them. I couldn't. What would they say? There isn't much they could say, I guess. Anya says they'll have to deal with it.
There's so much I have to learn. Anya says I have to feed, but I can't. It's like verification that I am a monster. A creature of the night, living off of other people's life. The thought terrifies me. I don't want to die, but can I survive? I want to stay with Anya, but...
Oh what am I to do?
I love Anya. And she loves me. And I am a vampire. And no one else knows. And I can't say anything. And I can't feed. And I don't want to. What in the hell am I going to do? This is all making my head spin.
I don't feel any different, really. My skin is a lot paler now, not much difference from before though, since I was a ghost then. I can't go out in the sun, Anya already told me that. And crucifixes don't hurt. I'm not religious, so I think that's why. I haven't tried the holy water thing yet. Or garlic. I'm kind of scared too. Anya says she will help me out, teach me everything she knows. What if it's not enough?
It's like my life has been divided in two now. Before. After. Before I was a vampire. After I was a vampire. Everything is split into those two categories.
We'll just have to wait and see what happens. There's no telling what the future holds for me. And for Anya. We'll just live each day and hope there's going to be on the next. Nothing else we can do. Mina Von Uhl - June 11, 2008 04:18 PM (GMT)
Thursday
two weeks after her transformation"Well, I've done it. I am an official vampire now. I've fed from another being. And not bloodpacks, either. Those worked for awhile, but it didn't fill me. I grew really weak and tired. Anya said I had to feed from someone now, or else I would die. So I gave in. I fed last night. I felt bad, but she's all right.
Anyanka went with me. We went to the marketplace. I nearly broke down going in, knowing our purpose there. But Anya helped me through it. Since I was practically shaking so badly, Anya led a female into the alley for me. She fed from her first, that way she wouldn't fight against me. Anya said that she felt nothing. It was just like a little beesting, that's all. She would wake up and not remember anything; she would only have a little headache. Relunctantly, I leaned down before her and fed.
Those fangs of mine are really sharp. It took me a minute to get them out, since they are retractable. I thought I would have to press down really hard on her neck, but I didn't.
Let me tell you, it was amazing.
Fresh blood is nothing like packaged blood. It was so sweet, so warm. I felt horrible feeding from her, but it was so delicious. Anyanka told me to stop when I needed to. She almost had to pull me away. When I was done, I just kind of looked down at myself. Blood dripped down my chin, onto my dress. I felt horrible. Sick and perverted. Anya insisted she would be fine. The marks on her neck would disappear, so there would be no proof of our little visit. I insisted we stay and make sure. Anya gave in this time. We hid back in the shadows for almost an hour. Finally the woman woke. She stumbled up, but seemed to be all right. She said something like she had simply fallen and banged her head. That was good. She didn't suspect anything.
So here I am. An official vampire now. I don't feel much different. I mean, I look a bit healthier now. Before I was all pale, more so than a vampire should be. I had circles under my eyes. And Anyanka was sick too. She told me her family was cursed. That if I were to die, she would die. Wow, that's a committment, right? But I would never leave her. So now I am feeding from people to stay healthy enough for both of us, but only when I need to. Otherwise it is bloodpacks for me. I don't want to go out hunting humans avery night. I would really risk getting caught then.
Oh! And I told Emerence and Nickolas about it! I didn't much have a choice. A vampire in the manor had attacked me. Emerence and Nickolas could smell my blood, and they knew I was a vampire. Nickolas seemed a little irritated, but Emerence was nice. Nickolas went off to kill the vampire who had harmed me. Sure, he annoys me, but that was very kind of him to do something like that. Emerence and I just sat and talked after he left. It was nice to be able to sit down with her and actually have a conversation.
Well, that's about enough of that. Today is the day Anyanka and I are going to go hunt. She's calling me right now. I will keep this thing update as much as I can. There's a lot going on right now." 
