Blood Rose, A story based 5 years in the past.

Not really Art, but meh. I thought it belonged here more then anywhere else. But anywho, This is a novel I'm writing. some of your character will appear, other will have a more important roll to play. Well, hope you enjoy the Prelude chapter.

(Edit note: Fixed up a lot. And the start of Chapter one is gone again.)
(Second Edit note: Added a date to the story line. Worked out a calendar for Inno so now each chapter will start with a date in Inno time.)
(Third Edit Note: Changed, added and fixed up a few things here and there.)

Blood Rose

Prelude: The Bard and the Swordsman

Year 6061, Sen'nith Month, 26th day.

In the land of Innovessiel, at the northern most point of the kingdom of Eveissil, inside the city Ovrynn Mai-an sat silently at the back of the commons room of a tavern. Only a third of the seats of the modest size room were occupied with people resting and drinking at the days end. At the other side of the room sitting in the glow emanating from the fireplace was a male elf. His long silvery blue hair flowed neatly down his back with pointed ears poking through. A black cloak draped over his shoulders covering a fine deep blue tunic with gold inlays and white pants that disappeared inside black leather that cover his shins. The elf's slender fingers slowly played a small harp and his delicate smooth voice sang in the ancient language of the Alvan’deil elves. His voice was haunting and sad as he sang an old story of lost love and betrayal.

Mai-an knew that he and the Bard were the only two in the room that truly understood the words of the song. Everyone else in the room spoke Eveissilan, which, although based on the language of Alvan'diel, was not exactly the same tongue, and the listeners had a hard time understanding. That didn't stop people from being moved by the powerful feelings at the songs heart which played with the emotions of all in the room. Except one. After a slow sip of his drink, Mai-an put the mug back on the table as he closely watched the elf. He wasn't really listening to the words. The only thing he felt was a pain slowly growing in the back of his head.

The song came to a slow and soft end leaving the room in silence with only the crackling of burning wood to be heard. After a few moments, the bard slowly rose from his seat then bowed low to the audience. The silence was broken when everyone regained their wits and started to applaud, calling for an encore. “You are all too kind,” the Bard said smiling as he slowly looked about the room. His gaze stopped on Mai-an. The Bard's eyes widened slightly in surprise as his light blue eyes met other's dark red ones. Mai-an nodded and pointed a hand at the empty seat across the table from him. The elf turned slightly as if to leave the room when a thought crossed his mind making him smile slightly. “Is this seat taken?” Asked the elf politely after he had navigated across the room watching Mai-an carefully. Mai-an was dressed in a black jacket with golden edges and high collar. His pants were also black and long covering his legs, and the jacket also extended to act as half a skirt over his right leg. Across his chest was a light blue leather belt that would normally hold Mai-an's sword to his back, but was now resting against his leg close at hand.

“Not at all,” Mai-an replied in the exactly same highly polite tone, “It would be an honor.”

“Thank you,” the elf pulled out the chair and sat in one fluid motion. “Did you like the performance?”

“Indeed I did,” Mai-an picked up the mug and took a mouthful of the sweet honey ale and then gently place it back where it was all the while not breaking eye contact, “It has been such a long time since I heard someone of you talent. May I ask what your name would be?”

“Selas'ien, at your service.”

“And where do you originate from, Selas'ien? Because I noticed you sing in the lost Alvan'deil language...”

“Yes, not many can speak it...”

“And fewer still can sing it,” Mai-an said as he leaned forward on the table, “In fact I'm looking for a bard who can sing in Alvan’deil.”

“Is that right?” Selas'ien brushed a long blue lock out of his face and smiled.

“Indeed. I've been searching for five years now. The Queen in the flouting city Alvan’deil would like a skilled bard to cheer her up after her beloved husband died and her only son, who is heir to the Alvan’deil throne, ran away,” While he spoke Mai-an's tone became flat and his face drained of emotion.

“But everyone knows that Alvan’deil is only a myth,” Selas'ien gave a soft laugh despite the fact Mai-an's hard face hadn't changed, “You don't seriously believe that a city is flouting around inside the Mists of Time?”

Mai-an suddenly gave a long deep sigh as he leaned back and brushed a hand though he short pitched black hair revealing pointed ears, “It is time to return home.”

“Then what is stopping you?”

“Punishment by death if I don't bring you back,”

Selas'ien frowned and sighed to himself, “I am sorry Mai-an, but I'm not going anywhere with you. Now if you'll excuse me,”

They both rapidly stood at the same time knocking their chairs backward. Everyone turned and looked at the two as they gave each other a cold stare. Amongst the traces of disappointment in the other elf's eyes, Selas'ien thought he saw a hint of anger. He never thought he would provoke that reaction out the the normally emotionless Elf. Mai-an had grabbed his sword as he stood and now held it in his left hand still sheathed. Selas'ien had moved so his hand was near his own sword, a rapier. Mai-an thought it odd he didn't notice it before. 'The Bard is good with magic,' he reminded himself.

“You're drawing too much attention to yourself Commander,” Selas'ien stated an amused smile.

“Then just do as you are told.”

“I'm not go to live the rest of my life like that... not yet.”

“I see...” Mai-an wanted to close his eyes and sleep. He could feel the headache building in the back of his head. Yet there was no time for that, he had a duty to perform. They both stood and stared at each other as if playing the battle out in their minds. No sound could be heard. No movement was seen. Time seemed to have stopped.

Suddenly Mai-an shot forward, his foot slamming down on the table as he sent himself up and over it. At the same time Selas'ien jumped backward and landed on top of his overturned chair just as Mai-an's other foot propelled him from the table toward the Bard. He had moved his sword to his other hand mid flight and brought it over his head slamming down toward Selas'ien while it was still sheathed.

'He means to knock me out!' The Bard thought to himself as he quickly grabbed an old tome, that hung from his belt out of sight, and pulled it up above his head blocking the attack. Scabbard collided on tome with a dull thud. Mai-an hit the ground immediately going into a low crouch, then swiping his foot across the ground kicking away the chair his opponent was standing on. Selas'ien flipped back just as the chair was hit kicking forward, connecting his foot with Mai-an's head in the motion. They both flipped through the air only Mai-an landed on his back as Selas'ien landed on his feet. Closing his eyes, the Bard spent a moment to concentrate his mind and inner energies for the coming task. He knew he only had a moment because Mai-an was already almost on his feet again.

As he opened his eyes Senlas'ien thrust his right hand forward, palm flat and pointed at the elven Swordsman. Mai-an only managed a small hiss before the ball of water, about the size of is head, formed at the Bards hand and then shot at him. With lightning reflexes, Mai-an spun the sheathed sword and put it, flat side, between him and the attack.

In the end, all it did was lessen the direct impact to his body. The resulting force knocked him back and into the table he was once sitting at. The table gave way under the sudden extra weight leaving Mai-an lying on the stone floor with half the table on top of him. He was a bit dazed when he got up only a few seconds after, but was already too late. There was a flicker of black cloak at the tavern door before all traces of the Elf Bard disappeared from the room.

'That went better in my head,' Mai-an thought as he brushed himself off. Even after all that he didn't feel that disappointed. After five years Mai-an had gotten use to it, even half expected it. Senlas'ien was no fool nor was Mai-an. 'It's only a matter of time, Senlas'ien,' he told himself as he walked toward the tavern door, 'I will catch you,'

Shortly after the Swordsman left two men, both dressed in black hooded cloaks that hid their faces, and a women, waring a red hooded cloak, sitting at the opposite side of the room lent in close to each other. “Do you think thats him?” Asked the biggest male as he kept an eye on the door.

“It's possible,” replied the other, “But it's seems he's already got someone doggin him,”

“He'll have to be removed.” stated the woman coldly as she took a sip of ale.

Pretty good save the typos, but everyone does that. Except maybe Crysta.

I look forward to more.

Pretty good thus far. But I'm going to critique, because I do that sometimes.

Very awkward. 'Slightly full'? How full is 'slightly full'? Try saying something more like 'a third of the seats were still empty' or something.

The hearth is on fire! Quick, put it out!

(1)Not technically incorrect, but would probably sound better as a sperate clause.
(2)Sounds better as a new sentence - either that, or use a semi-colon rather than a comma.
(3)Present tense in a sentence that's otherwise past.
(4)Typo: shins.

Several problem with this. Firstly, do you say you speak England? No, you don't. Eveissilan or something, please.
Also, the second and third clauses don't work at all. I can't put into words why, but it just sounds awkward. I reccommend something like: Everyone else in the room spoke Eveissilan, which, although based on the language of Alvan'diel, was not exactly the same tongue, and the listeners had a hard time understanding.

Repeat of 'slow'.

Sounds better as a seperate sentence. Also, typo: listening.

Seems like you were going to say 'the audience' but then changed your mind. Everyone is also one word in this context.

Awkward. I suggest changing it slightly to something like: The silence was broken when everyone regained their wits and started to applaud, calling for an encore.

Looked.

Nothing major, but I think you said 'eyes' a bit too often. Try something like 'His gaze' at the beginning or something.

This isn't followed by any description or whatever, so it needs a full stop rather than a comma. (This happens again, but I'll only point it out the once).

Fewer.

Typo: stare.

Doesn't need a capital.

I think you mean a rapier. And it's very difficult to hide a sword. Maybe a dagger or a dirk.

You either mean 'his an amused smile' which doesn't really fit - or, more likely, 'with an amused smile'.

Typo: perform.

Typo: stare (and I think you mean stared anyway).

Had isn't needed.

Typo: crouch.

Your description of the fight is very good, but in some places it flows too fast. Speak it out loud, and put some commas in so it reads better.

Whereas, or just plain as, would go better. Failing that, try 'at the same time as'.

Time phrase is repeated. Delete one of them.

Speeding really isn't needed.

(1) 'extra weight' sounds better. Mass just seems silly (although technically correct . . .)
(2)Typo: lying
(3)Typo: half

Partners?

Don't take this in a bad way: I'm only being picky because I think you have a talent for writing here and I want you to get better. :3

That said, some general comments:

Most of your description is too fast paced. Add a few more commas to your writing. If you're not sure, say the line out loud - you can usually tell where commas need to be placed.
Your description of the fight was very well done - I could picture it clearly in my mind as I read. This is great and I'm very jealous, because fight scenes are something I have a big problem with.
Apart from the odd error here and there, your description of the characters is excellent (another area I fail in more often than not. FEEL THE ENVY) but I think you could describe the room some more. And don't limit yourself to sight: sound and smell also play an important part in an image. Don't worry about this too much, though, since you have a good base to work on already. I fail at describing things. Very badly. Or, not so much the description - more actually putting it in. >_>;

I see great potential not only in this story, but also in your writing. Keep it up. I hope to see more of this and more works from you. :3

I think he meant 'patrons' not 'partners'.

Wow Clarine. I've never had someone point out the mistakes and show me how to fix them. It means a lot to me, really it does. I don't know what else to say other then thank you.

She's an English nazi. xD

I prefer writing nerd.

And, I'm glad to be of service. :3

Oh wait, new chapter! Very short. Want more of it~

(1)Typo: ships
(2)Present tense in a past tense sentence. Were.
(3)Since we're talking about goods here, it ought to be plural: they are.
(4)Typo: in (?)
(5)Typo: used
(6)Typo: managed
(7)Missed a couple of words. Pretty sure you mean 'make it to the little-used port' (and if Res Dinik is a port city, it should be to rather than in).

Present tense again. Seemed.

(1)There should be a comma after before, because to me it that sentence was saying 'before the main goal, XXX happened' or whatever.
(2)Shouldn't be a seperate sentence. Try using a semi-colon {;} to make it part of the other one.

(1)Typo: Recorded
(2)Typo(s): that happened

Tense. Were.

Use : instead of . - it sounds odd as a seperate sentence.

(1)Typo: members
(2) a? It just seems like there would be more than one parade in her honour, like on anniversaries or whatever.
(3)Typo: Serenity's

(1)I dunno, I just think : or ; would make the sentence flow better.
(2)Typo: turned

(1)Typo: operations
(2)Who are 'they'? I'm presuming you mean the royals, but it sounds as though you're referring to the Blood Rose group.

(1)Again, who do you mean by 'them'? Although if you fixed the one above, that would probably make this one clear, too.
(2)Typo: members. And isn't the lack of work needed the reason they're leaving? In that case, I would suggest something along the lines of: It was probably because of this that more and more members had left over the years.

I like the idea of this 'Blood Rose' group. :3 But I'd suggest, in future, making a seperate post for new chapters - that way, we know when you've updated. You could always add a link to the chapters in first post.

Should I bother with commenting? XD

OH SNAP! Didn't realize I put up the start of chapter 1 up as well! That chapter is still very far away from complete... I feel like such a fool... Hmm, well think of that as a sneak peek... I guess.

Once again, thank you for your help Clarine.

XD

Smooth.

>_>; Oh, whoops.

Well, I've saved myself some time next, right? <_____<;