Late fall 1031

That morning Ian had known that the only thing he wanted to do that day was to get outside and stay away from everyone for as long as he could. Even, and he felt very guilty about this, his dear Emilia. But winter was coming and he knew that soon it would be too cold to go out on long rides or walks alone, things he found himself craving more than he thought he would when he’d been summoned to court. He’d always been told that he was a wonderfully sociable boy without enough between his ears to make him disagreeably clever and cynical, and on the basis of that had assumed that he’d suit court quite well when the time came for him to follow his siblings there. The reality wasn’t quite living up to his expectations. Oh, he was getting along with everyone well enough, although it was true that there were some people he was getting on with better than others, but having people of his own class to talk to didn’t quite make up for the loss of the freedom he’d had on the estate.

If he’d been a thoughtful or introspective person he might have realised that he’d been using the long excursions as a sort of recovery period for some time now, and also a chance to calm down and sort his emotions out, but as he was neither thoughtful nor introspective it didn’t cross his mind. What he did know was that getting on with everyone came at a price where certain members of the court were concerned, as did having his father pay attention to him. As sorting his emotions out largely consisted of stripping his thoughts and feeling of any emotions he considered negative it did, in the short term, allow him to breathe a bit more easily and feel less short tempered and stressed. It also meant that at least once a week he vanished for an entire day, but it was a system that had worked for years for him and Ian was reluctant to try and change it, even if he was a little uncertain as to what was going to happen during winter when long walks and rides wouldn’t be possible and no doubt with everyone forced into close quarters tempers would flare. The only long term benefit the system offered was that it allowed him to tackle knotty problems of a less emotional nature without distractions as well, something he’d never have been able to do when around other people.

Underneath him his horse – a large, good natured grey gelding – sped up to a trot as Ian touched his heels to its sides with a sigh. That morning he’d got up at the crack of dawn, dressed in his grey riding clothes and gone through the kitchens to fill his saddle bags with food for the day before going to saddle his horse himself as the grooms were nowhere to be found. The servants had been awake, but the rest of the court had barely been stirring as he’d mounted and left the stable yard at a brisk trot, speeding to a gallop as soon as they hit countryside able to accommodate the speed. Despite the overcast nature of the dawn it hadn’t rained, although the day could hardly have been described as sunny and as Ian had spent most of his day gratefully wrapped up in his cloak it hadn’t been a warm one either. Now it was nearing nightfall, and he knew that if he wanted to be home before it became pitch black he needed to put some speed into it. However, his horse was sensing his reluctance to go home even though the lights were even now being lit and the chill temperature dropping further, and wasn’t making a very convincing effort of trotting, slowing to a walk whenever Ian forgot to push him.

They were barely a street into the city when Ian gave up on the trotting. He could see the lights of the palace in the distance, and with the threat of getting lost out here in the darkness removed his wish to stay away from people took precedence over any wish to hurry back. Perhaps later he’d sneak out to the roof or one of the balconies to stargaze, but for now he knew he’d have to go home and apologise to his father for being gone all day when the man had probably had plans for them, and also anyone else who might have wanted his attention today. It was only polite. And apologising this evening would make tomorrow morning slightly better, he knew from experience that having to apologise and explain to everyone first thing in the morning what he’d been doing the previous day to keep him out from dawn ‘til dusk was not a good start to the day.