Emmett Cullen, Superjock!

ROLEPLAYER: Matt
Emmett McCarty Cullen

"Lets go now, I'm dead bored."

[(Posted Image)

1. THE PERFECT MUSIC WE MAKE

— ABOUT YOU
— Nickname for the Site: Matt

2. ONE DAY YOU MIGHT HEAR ME SING

— ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER
— Full Name: Emmett McCarty Cullen
— Nicknames: Em
— Birthday / Age: 1915, Age 20 in 1935 when he was changed, so approximately 91 years old.
— Gender: Male
— Nationality: Vampire. American, originally from Tennessee

— GENERAL APPEARANCE
— Face Claim: Kellen Lutz
— Eye Color: Gold (which fades to black when he’s thirsty)
— Hair Color: Brown
— Height: 6'5'’
— Distinguishing Features: Height, and Muscularity

— GENERAL STATUS
— Sexual Orientation: Straight
— Marital Status: Married happily to Rosalie
— Employment: Varies, depending on the age he is trying to pull off.

3. YOU'RE LIKE AN UNWINDING CABLE CAR


— PERSONALITY: SECTION A
Include a detailed description of your character's personality. At least 200+ words.
Emmett Cullen is a loud, and often times obnoxious member of the Cullen Family, his most defining personality trait is his sense of humor, which is blunt, and aimed at other people’s expenses almost always. Em is also exceedingly loyal, and will protect what, or who he loves without any questions asked. He is almost always willing to place a wager on something, or get into a physical fight, just to display his dominance, and perceived overall awesomeness to the world. His favorite animal to hunt is the Grizzly Bear, due mostly to the fact that before he was transformed into a vampire he was mauled by a Grizzly, and thus would have been killed. He enjoys Grizzly’s because it gives him a chance to enact both revenge and a twisted sense of gratitude to the bears. This is yet another sign to show his superior manliness off to the rest of his coven, or rather his perceived superior manliness.
Emmett is sincerely a kind hearted person, even if he does tend to laugh at the wrong times, or make overly obvious innuendo. All of these previous traits can very easily be summed up by one traditional stereotype: High School Jock. (201)


— PERSONALITY: SECTION B
No descriptions needed, just list your answers.

— Likes: Drinking Grizzly Blood, Betting, Cracking Jokes at other’s expense, his family, specifically Rosalie.
— Dislikes: Losing, being shown up, losing, being mauled by Grizzly’s and finally LOSING!
— Personality Strengths: Loyal, Kind, Funny
— Personality Flaws: Over competitive, Cocky
— Ambitions: To prove himself superior in manliness to his brothers and everyone else.
— Fears: Losing his family, or being inferior.
— Quirks: With Emmett, What you see is What you get.

— Overall: Emmett is a nice guy who has a betting problem, streak of being overly cocky, and is very sure of himself.

4. TAKE ME FAR AWAY FROM THIS SHATTERED LIFE

— HISTORY
— Parents: Esme and Carlisle Cullen
— Siblings: Jasper, Alice, Edward and Bella Cullen
— Spouse: Rosalie Cullen
— Children: None
— Other Relatives: The Denali Clan are sort of cousins...

— Overall History: Emmett was age 20 and living in Gatlinburg Tennessee and walking around in the mountains one day when he was mauled by a huge Grizzly Bear, he lay there dying, but was eventually found by Rosalie who took him back to Carlisle and begged him to change Emmett into a Vampire.

Eventually Carlisle did decide to transform Emmett, and once he did Emmett lived with the Cullen clan as Edwards adopted older brother and Rosalie’s husband. He did this willingly, although at first he had a difficult time adjusting to the vegetarian diet.

Ultimately this jockish type did get the hang of the vegetarian lifestyle, and lived perfectly with the Cullens, as he still does today. As grew he became level headed, and was very wary when Edward started hanging out with Bella, although eventually he warmed up to her and joking at her, sometimes more so than anyone else.

5. WELCOME TO THE PLANET, WELCOME TO EXISTENCE

— MISCELLANEOUS
— Read The Rules?: Yes
— Member Group: Vegitarian Vampire
— Member Title:
— Other:

— Your Example Roleplay: -Roleplay when your canon first met Bella. Include thoughts, feelings, etc.

Template made by RYN / Tachytelic of Centalia /RPGU. Do Not Remove the credit. Lyric credits: Far-Less, He Is Legend, Anberlin, Seventh Day Slumber, Switchfoot

This post has been edited by Emmett Cullen on Oct 2 2008, 08:15 PM

Okay, Matt. There is a couple of problems with this form, but don't worry--They are all fixable! It's a little bit worse with canons, because all of our canons meet a particular criteria.

Can you change the word fades? 'Fades' generally means 'gets lighter'. Perhaps trying the verb 'darkens'?

The entire appearance section is a little...undetailed. It would be fantastic if you could beef that up a bit. Give us some more detail. Explain his appearance in-depth. How does his muscularity make people feel when they see him? What does he think about his muscle? What does he think about people's reactions? There's so much you could do with that section; I just want to see a bit more out of you.

Personality Section A: ...Needs some work. Try listing several of his personality traits, and then writing a paragraph explaining each. You don't have to go quite as in-depth as I did, but I'd like to see a longer and more detailed personality section. You covered the bare basics, but I know you can really get into his personality more. That's part of how you know the character.

The history section. I need more. What and who and where was Emmett before he was turned? I know it was not mentioned in the books. Make it up! Figure out a human background for him, so long as it fits in with the details we were given. Give him real human parents, even if they're dead now. Give him siblings, if you want. Give him cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, nieces, nephews, a home, a human hobby, a background. Go crazy with it! This is your chance to find the part of Emmett that we, as a reader, cannot normally access.

You also have a few grammar & mechanics problems. Try copy and pasting the application into Word, with the Spelling/Grammar check on. It does count, since we as canons attempt to put ourselves at a certain standard.

Your roleplay really needs to be rewritten. There are a few reasons for this, mainly being:

1. The grammar/spelling needs improvement.
2. The detail is minimum.
3. It skips over time a lot. Try to stay in that one time in the cafeteria where they first talk about her. Include his thoughts, feelings, ideas, reactions, etc.
4. Try not to godmod other canons in your roleplay. I'd like to see more Emmett, and less of other characters.

That's all. I know it seems like a lot, but trust me, you'll feel great once you revise. So, when you edit, just post here and I'll give it another look. :)