Severly depressed but not suicidal, When does it stop?

[chaching]

[COLOR=blue]
Hi everyone!
First I would like to thank everyone for their kind introductions.

I am currently suffering (and have been for a month) from severe depression.
I cry everyday and have trouble controlling the tears and feeling of hopelessness.
All of my friends and family have ( except daughter and husband) have avoided me like the plague. I have been really angry and irritable and I have this urgency to bring closure to all of my anger by lashing out at people who have hurt me in the past. I call it "Weed and Feed" - What this means is I have been weeding out all the people in my life who have hurt me and pissed me off and then trying to nurture (or feed) the relationships of those I want in my life. I have come to find out that I am doing a lot more weeding than feeding.

Yes, I have been taking my meds diligently and I have been going to my appointments regularly. I have a new therapist and Pdoc and neither of them are helping. I have asked them to help me and I get the usual "Do you have any thoughts of hurting yourself or someone else?". I have simply explained to them that I am severly depressed and not suicidal. If you say "No" then they rush through the appointment. This is BS! If I say "Yes" then that moves one up the damn food chain I suppose. I am desperately miserable and super depressed. Nothing major has happend in my life recently - I am just this way and I can't seem to kick it.

Thanks

[PolarBear1]

Sweetie
I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I too know how it feels to ahve a PDOC and therapist that do not help. Been there done that and do not plan on every going that way again. Just a few suggestions, mayb eyou could find a new PDOC and therapist that is what I did and to be honest with you it was the best move I ever made. I too have weeded and feeded too in my life and to be honest with yo uI am very skeptical to allow anyone come into my life ( I have major trust issues) but the few I do have in my life are worth keeping. As for the depression we do not need to have anything significant happen in our lives for this to happen and that is nto just for the depression side of this illness. We need not explain ourselves to anyone about why we feel the way we do we just feel it and that is that. Trust me mother in law asks me the same thing I am beginning to isolate myself from everyone and I mean kids and husband too. Now do not get me wrong I love them to death and I would do anything for them but right now in my life I do not want to be bothered by anyone I just want to sit in my office or bedroom and read or do my macrame. In total honesty that is what is best for everyone around me right now. It is a shame though that my 10 and 12 year old understand this more than my husband does. Because if I am pushed I will lash out and end up hurting someones feelings and I do not want to do that especially to the boys. So keeping to myself is the best way for me to handle this. I am sorry I am rambling again which I do alot but know that I am here as well as the whole haven. My PM is always open if yo uneed to talk do not hesitate to contact me via PM or in a post.
Hope yo ufeel better soon
sending lots of
as always
Heidi

[chaching]

Thanks so much. You described my life to the "T". I have issues with trusat and abandonment. Thanks agin for your help!