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[Jess]

starlight

Coming to this world together,
yet splitting up halfway, the route taken is still the same
Looking at the same sun,
I suddenly had a feeling of long-lost strangers meeting up

“Kiyo, you know we love you right?”

Kiyoshi Shimatani looked up from the book he had been trying to read for the better part of a half hour and saw his best friends, Nina and Harper standing in the doorway of his room. Neither of them looked exactly pleased with him and for the life of him, Kiyoshi could not guess why.

Trying to rack his brain to see if he could think of anything he had done in the past little while that would warrant him getting that look from Nina, he slowly nodded his head. “Yes,” he said cautiously. “I love you too.”

The petite red head crossed the room, sitting on the edge of his bed with him. Reaching over she took the book from his hand and tossed it to Harper who caught it effortlessly. Were the book any good and had he been able to make it past the first chapter, Kiyoshi probably would have protested at her actions, but he didn’t. Something was up with the two of them and he had a sinking feeling that he wasn’t going to like what they had to say.

“Okay then,” Nina said with a smile. “As your best friends who love you with all our hearts, Harper and I have decided that it’s high time you got over it and moved on.”

Kiyoshi gave her a blank look, completely confused now. What the devil was she going on about now? “Got over and moved on from what?” he asked looking over at Harper who still stood in the doorway with his arms folded over his chest.

“Ryan,” both his friends said in unison.

“It’s been six months, Kiyo,” Harper told him pointedly as he came into the room, dropping the book on Kiyoshi’s dresser and then sat in the chair for his desk.

Kiyoshi scowled at the pair of them wishing that they would simply leave him alone. He didn’t need either of them to elaborate to know what they were referring to. Of course they had to remind him that he and his boyfriend of two years had gone their separate ways. Granted it had been six months since that had happened, but it was easy for them to say to move on. Neither of them had come home to find their lover of two years going at it with someone else on the kitchen table.

He figured he probably wouldn’t have taken the blow of catching his lover in the midst of a passionate encounter as hard if the other person involved had been another man. The truth was, Kiyoshi felt downright worthless in the knowledge that his lover had turned to a woman for sex.

He knew he had to be pathetic and severely lacking in certain areas when he could turn a gay man straight.

He chose to ignore them about that situation however, going directly to the punch so to speak. “What’s going on?” he demanded to know. “What the hell are the two of you planning?”

Nina rolled her eyes and reached into her back pocket, pulling out a brochure and handing it to Kiyoshi with a huge smile on her face. “Harp and I pooled our resources and got you an early birthday present,” she said happily. Nodding to Harper she reached over for the envelope that the dark haired guy held, handing that to Kiyoshi as well.

He looked at the papers in his hands, eyes widening. His best friends were certifiably nuts, he decided finally. He couldn’t believe that they had done something like this: paying for him to go on a Caribbean cruise. A gay cruise for thirteen nights and fourteen days.

“I’m not going,” he said as he put the papers on the bed beside him.

“Why the hell not?” Harper demanded to know. “It’s a free trip to the fucking Caribbean!”

“I’m not going,” Kiyoshi said again. He loved his friends, he really did, and he appreciated what they were trying to do for him but it was too much.

“You give me three good reasons why you don’t want to go,” Nina said as she narrowed her green eyes at him. “And I might let you out of this.” She folded her arms, glaring defiantly.

“One, neither of you can afford this. Two, I have to work and I can’t afford to take two weeks off,” Kiyoshi answered without skipping a beat.

“That’s only two,” Harper pointed out needlessly. “Still need one more.”

Kiyoshi sighed. “Three,” he continued. “I’m not interested.” He stood and made his way to the door, pausing to look back at his friends.

“I appreciate what you’re trying to do guys, I really do. Thanks, but no thanks. I’m not going.”

**

“I don’t think this is a good idea,” Jay Kim said to his sister, Jamii as the two of them walked around the main lobby of the “Island Queen”, the luxury ocean liner that was going to be Jay’s home for the next two weeks. “I really don’t feel good, Jamii. I’m tired.”

Jamii reached over and put her hands around her brother’s shoulders, smiling at him as she kissed his cheek. “I know you are, sweetie,” she said. “But this is just what you need, you know. Some fresh air, lots of hot guys around for you to drool over and no responsibilities for the next two weeks.”

Jay nodded and brushed back his dark hair from his forehead. All of that really did sound perfectly lovely, but there were other things that he wouldn’t be dealing with that his sister seemed to have forgotten. Things like the fact that he would be away from emergency medical services for those fourteen days and the fact that the on board physician had no clues about his medical history.

No matter what he did or where he went he was never fully carefree with no responsibilities. He always had that one thought in the back of his mind. He would always have to remember that he had to be careful to not over exert himself because doing so would cause him to become weak and that was the last thing he wanted to happen in the middle of the ocean on a cruise ship.

As it was, it boggled the mind that he had actually allowed his sister to talk him into this trip in the first place. He normally stayed close to home because of his illness, even though he had been told more than once that he could actually live his life with out becoming a hermit. Of course it was easy for everyone else to say when they were perfectly healthy and didn’t have to worry about the things he did.

“Ooh,” Jamii said with an almost too excited tone. “Lookit, Jay. Hotness personified at two o’clock.”

Jay followed her gaze to the guy that she was pointing to and shook his head. Yes, the blond guy stood with the redheaded girl was hot, but that was about as far as he was going to allow his assessment to go. He agreed to go on this trip that his sister had paid for, but he refused to get involved with anyone. He wouldn’t do that to anyone when his life was so damn unpredictable.

“He’s cute,” he said in agreement. “But I’m not interested, Jamii. I’m not getting involved. I told you that, so start listening.”

“Party pooper,” Jamii pouted. She knew when to give up though, thank fully, and the siblings decided to walk around a bit more so that Jay could get used to the layout of the ship.

Half an hour later, the announcement came that the visitors had to leave and go back to shore so that the actual cruise could get under way. Jay walked Jamii back to the main lobby and hugged her good bye. As he did, his eye caught the blond guy again and he watched for a moment as the guy kissed the redhead good bye.

He really was a good looking guy and if Jay had been in the mind frame to actually want to date anyone, to have a fling while he was on this cruise like his sister had told him he should do, he would have definitely been interested in that guy. As it was, he wasn’t in the mind frame of anyone who should be asking people out and he was going to keep that one part of his – well he guessed he could say ‘lust’ – to himself.

Cancer sucked. Even though he was in remission right now, he never knew how long that would be the case and every damn time he had a relapse it took longer to go into remission. He couldn’t and wouldn’t take the chance of starting something with anyone, even if it was just a fling, for the simple fact that he would never want anyone to have to go through the pain of being with someone who was going to die.

**

If he could bottle the power of persuasion that Nina possessed and then sell it, Kiyoshi knew he’d be a very rich man indeed. He didn’t know if he should actually be proud of the fact that she was so good at getting what she wanted or scared out of his ever loving mind that she so obviously had him wrapped around her little finger.

She had every else wrapped too, he had learnt; the most surprising being Kiyoshi’s boss at the diner. Papa Joe had not only agreed to let him have the two weeks off, he was letting him go with pay. Before he’d left for this trip, he’d found out that both Nina and Harper were going to be covering his shifts for him and he was to do nothing but have fun.

He sat in his room onboard the ship, looking around and sighed heavily. Nina had thought of everything and had packed for him since he had refused to do it. Now that he was there however, he figured that there was nothing left for him to do but enjoy himself. It still didn’t mean he was going to find a handsome stranger and get laid even though that was what he’d been told he needed.

It wasn’t as though he hadn’t had offers of just that since he had arrived either. The ten minute trek from the main deck to where his room was located had resulted in him being propositioned no less than three times by various men, as well as one couple who had been looking for a third to help them spice up their love life.

He had meant it, however, when he’d told his friends that he wasn’t interested in having a fling while on board the ship. The honest truth was that he wanted something meaningful, something that would last forever. He was only young, yes, but he wanted to be happy. Kiyoshi knew that he wasn’t going to find happiness with a fling on a cruise. He wasn’t going to find his forever with someone he’d only see for two weeks.

Feeling bored and cabin shacked already, he decided to go out and explore the uppers decks of the ship for something to do. Leaving his room, he made sure he had his key card and headed along the corridor to the stairs that would lead him to the outside.

Despite the fact that it was the middle of July, it was a little chilly outside and he was glad that he’d thought to grab his jacket from his room. He closed his eyes for a moment, breathing in the salty air before moving around to the main deck. There was one thing he knew he was going to really like about this trip and it was the scent of the ocean in the air. The view was one he knew he’d love as well.

As he made his way toward the rails, Kiyoshi saw that he wasn’t the only one out enjoying the night. Leaning against the guard rail, one foot on the bottom rung and staring out over the water was a guy who appeared to be of his own age – the only one he’d seen thus far who wasn’t over thirty. Though he could see only his side profile, Kiyoshi could tell the guy was good looking.

“Nice night,” he commented as he too leaned against the rails. He didn’t want to intrude on the guy, but he wasn’t going to be rude and not make his presence known. And unless he was asked to leave, Kiyoshi was going nowhere.

**

Jay stared out over the water, his thoughts off everything that could and had already gone wrong in his life. He didn’t want to be thinking about those things, it was just that his whole life had been about those kinds of things, so he had no other choice but to think about them.

He wasn’t so lost in thought that he didn’t hear the door to the decks opening and someone walking outside. He didn’t bother turning his head to see who was there, though because he honestly didn’t want to know. He’d already fended off more than a dozen unwanted advances since he’d gotten on the ship. He didn’t want to have to fend off another.

The voice he heard commenting on the night was a lot different than the others he’d heard throughout the day. This voice was young and not at all sounding like the comment was going to be followed by and advance. Jay turned his head, noticing the guy that he had seen in the lobby earlier.

“It is a nice night,” Jay agreed. He watched as the guy leaned against the rail next to him and despite himself he was curious about him. The blond couldn’t have been any older than twenty-one, he was good looking and he seemed pleasant enough. So why wasn’t he inside at the welcome party?

“Better out here than in with the sharks,” the blond said a moment later. If he hadn’t known better Jay would have said that the guy had read his mind. “Some people just know how to take ‘no’ for an answer.”

Jay turned, brushing his dark hair from his eyes as he did so. It was strange but he felt comfortably at ease with this guy. A guy whose name he didn’t even know.

“Let me guess,” he said. “You were asked to join the couple looking for a young toy?”

“You too?” the blond asked with a laugh. Jay found he rather liked his laugh, it was soothing. “Yeah, they told me they wanted to spice things up. Why can’t they just go with whips and chains like normal people?”

Jay snorted then started laughing at that comment. Unbidden the image of those two older men with whips and chains came to mind and he started laughing even harder. Unfortunately that exertion began to take a toll on him causing the laugh to turn into a cough.

“Christ!” the blond stammered as his hand darted out and he began rubbing Jay’s back. “I wasn’t trying to kill you!”

Jay shook his head, trying to tell him that it wasn’t his fault but he couldn’t, he could barely breathe. His dark eyes searched the blond’s and he pointed to the bottle of water he had near the rails, hoping the guy would understand. A moment later it was in his hands and he drank from it, willing himself to not choke.

Soon he could feel his breathing return to normal and his cough slowly ebbed away. He took slow deep breaths and sat in a deck chair, resting his hands on his knees, lowering his head. He was vaguely aware of the other guy sitting next to him and when he looked up he could see concern in his eyes.

“Are you okay?” he asked. “I mean, really? I honestly didn’t mean to set you off like that.” He looked down at his hand and chewed on his lower lip. “I didn’t think it was even that funny.”

Jay shook his head, sighing. “It wasn’t you,” he said even as he coughed again. “I had pneumonia not that long ago and too much exertion sends me into a coughing fit.”

“Oh.” The guy tilted his head and peered at him intently. “You sure you should be out here then?” he asked. “It’s a bit chilly and you don’t want to get sick again right?”

He was touched by the concern he heard in his voice and that alone was enough to almost change his mind about not getting involved with anyone. Were the situation different, and had he not had this disease he very well might have asked the guy if he was interested in something. As it was, he did have the disease – even if it was in remission – therefore getting involved was not an option.

“I’ll be fine,” he assured him. “I’m Jay by the way.” He leaned forward, sticking his hand out for the guy to shake.

“Kiyoshi,” the blond replied. “Nice to meet you.”

Jay nodded, fully agreeing that it was nice to meet the other guy. He may not be intending to get involved with anyone romantically, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t’ be friends. Besides it would be an awfully long two weeks if he didn’t have anyone to talk to.

**

“Are you having fun?”

Two days after setting sail, the cruise ship made its first port call in Martinique. Wanting to get off the ship even if it was only for a few hours, Kiyoshi had gone with some of the less eager passengers to explore the town.

The first thing he had done, though, was seek out a telephone so that he could call home. He had promised Nina that he would call her the minute he got to a phone and even though he was still ticked with her about the whole thing, he wouldn’t make her worry.

“Kiyo?” Her voice sounded very far away and really it was. He was in the Caribbean whereas she was back home in LA. “Kiyo, are you there?”

“I’m here,” he replied as he looked around the bar he’d gone into. “And yes, I’m having a good time.” Well, he was sort of having a good time. He’d been hanging around with Jay, which was actually great.

The day before the two of them had sat on the deck of the ship – which was turning out to be their favourite place – just talking about everything and anything. Even when they weren’t talking and were just looking out over the water, there was a comfortable silence between them. Something about Jay put him at ease, but he didn’t know what it was.

It also worried him.

He already knew that he was attracted to the younger guy. How could he not be when Jay was so damn good looking? And that smile, gods, that smile could melt the hardest of hearts. Kiyoshi knew if he wasn’t careful his resolve to not get involved blow up in his face. It was already starting to weaken.

He heard Nina speaking and he focused on her words, managing to catch the last part of her statement. Something about whether or not he’d found someone to shag yet.

“Nina!” he snapped into the phone. “I told you, I’m not interested in that.”

“Oh? Then why did you agree to go on the cruise then?” she retorted.

Kiyoshi sighed then ran his fingers through his hair. “I came because you and Harper were idiots and bought non refundable tickets. I’m here because you two wouldn’t let up and I needed a break from you both.”

“Haha,” Nina said with sarcasm in her voice. “You’re not funny, Kiyoshi. But I love you anyway. And now I’m going to work. Call soon.”

Kiyoshi promised he would call her and Harper at the next port, then hung up. He was about to start dialling Harper’s number when he felt a hand at the small of his back. He stiffened, turning to see one of the guys from the cruise standing way too close to him.

“Buy you a drink, sugar?” he drawled. From the sound – and smell – of things, Kiyoshi didn’t think the guy should be having anything else to drink at all. He’d probably drank half the bar as it was if the smell was anything to go by.

“Uh…” Kiyoshi was really hating his friends at the moment. He tried to think of something, anything to get the hell out of this one and he was drawing a blank. “Uh…” He was going to kill Nina and Harper. Kill them dead.

“Sorry I took so long, honey. The line at the bar was moving slower than a plugged up drain.” An arm was put around his waist and he turned to see Jay standing beside him. When he saw that Kiyoshi was looking at him, Jay winked and simply handed him a drink.

“Oh,” Kiyoshi said, realizing that salvation was at hand and he was sounding like a complete idiot. “Thanks, babe.” He had absolutely no idea what had possessed Jay to walk up to him right then, but he was thankful for whatever it was. Even more so when he noticed that the other guy was looking at him with an interested spark in his eyes.

“Well, well,” he slurred, taking them both in. “Why don’t the both of you join me? I’m sure we can have some fun.”

It didn’t take a genius to know what kind of fun he was talking about and Kiyoshi was going to say something but Jay spoke before he could even open his mouth.

“Thanks but no thanks,” he said. “We’re here to spend some quality time with each other.” Then he winked at Kiyoshi again, leaning into his side. “Besides, I’m greedy and I don’t share my man.”

Though he knew that Jay was saying those words simply to get the drunk off their backs, Kiyoshi couldn’t help the slight shiver he felt at those words. Granted it could have something to do with the fact that he had a really gorgeous guy pressing against him appearing for all the world like they were in fact together.

Didn’t he wish…Ok, so where the hell had that one come from?

Disgusted, the drunk walked away muttering something about finding someone who was willing and Jay released his hold on Kiyoshi. He stood in front of him, taking a sip of his drink, then he smiled.

“Hope you don’t mind me doing that,” he said a minute later. “You looked like you were panicking.”

Kiyoshi nodded. “Actually, thanks for that. I froze and didn’t know what the hell to tell him. Stupid me.”

Jay laughed and Kiyoshi near about sighed. He loved that laugh because it was so free and Jay’s entire face lit up. Still, there was the worry that he would start coughing again and Kiyoshi didn’t want that to happen.

“I’m sure you would have done the same if you’d seen me earlier,” Jay was saying. “That couple again. I’m seriously thinking about buying them some whips and just telling them to have at it.”

Kiyoshi laughed, but his thoughts were on Jay’s words. He was right, he realized. If he’d seen that Jay was in the same position that he’d been in a moment before, he would have gone to help him. That was the worst part about being single on a cruise like this. People didn’t understand why they’d be there and not want to do anything entertaining.

There had to be a way to stop that from happening and Kiyoshi suddenly realized the answer. All he had to do now was convince Jay that it was worth it.

“Jay,” he said slowly. “I’ve got a proposition for you.”

**

Maybe your laughter and your behaviour is like mine
Maybe your horoscope is the same as mine
Maybe the long night has made us lonely
Thus we depend on each other till the sun rises

Jay sat opposite Kiyoshi in the main dinning area of the ship, still marvelling at what had happened over the past two days. The day he had gone to help Kiyoshi at the bar when that guy had been harassing him had set off a whirlwind of events that he had no idea how it had really happened. All he knew for sure was that he now had a boyfriend of sorts.

Kiyoshi’s proposition had been that they help each other out a little bit since neither one of them were really interested in hooking up with anyone on this cruise. Of course, he didn’t know why Kiyoshi was on the trip and the blond didn’t know why he was. He just knew that they now had each other as covers if any one were to want to try to get with them.

“Why did you come?” he asked Kiyoshi after the waiter had come for their order. They had decided that it would be beneficial to the both of them if they were to make appearances together to give their ploy of being together romantically more creditability. “You said you didn’t want to come, so why did you?”

Kiyoshi shrugged and took a sip of his water. After he had placed the glass on the table he folded his hands, and then smiled. “Two words,” he said. “Nina and Harper.”

Jay gave him a puzzled look, not really knowing what that was supposed to mean. He figured that they were friends of the guy and had convinced him to come here like his sister had done with him. Jamii was quite persuasive when she wanted to be.

“They’re my best friends,” Kiyoshi said with a smile. “But they can be as stubborn as the day is long. They pooled their money and bought me tickets for this and I had to come because the tickets were non-refundable. If I hadn’t come, Nina would have killed me.”

Jay laughed, knowing that he would have killed his sister if she had done something like that. As it was, he wasn’t impressed with her now, but he would eventually forgive her for making him come. He’d made a good friend and if nothing else that was enough for him. And really, he didn’t want anything else. She had just been too damn persistent for her own good.

“What does your family think about this?” he asked a minute later. “I mean, did they tell you to do it too?” He was curious about Kiyoshi and it showed. Normally he wasn’t as curious about people because he didn’t want to develop friendships that he knew wouldn’t last. But there was just something about Kiyoshi that made him want to know everything about him.

“They bought the tickets,” Kiyoshi answered simply. “I-I uh…I don’t really have family. Not in the sense that most people think anyway. My parents died when I was a kid and I was in foster care for almost ten years. Nina was in one of the homes with me and she’s the closest thing I have to a sister. Harper was just a good friend of mine since we were young.”

Jay swallowed hard, feeling bad. His parents were amazing people and he always knew that they would be there for him if he ever needed them. He couldn’t imagine not having them around or having to grow up without his twin sister. Jamii was his best friend and she knew it. That was the reason she’d been able to convince him to come in the first place.

“What about you?” Kiyoshi asked. “Why did you come?”

Jay wondered if that was Kiyoshi’s way of changing the subject so that he wasn’t talking about himself and he was okay with that. He didn’t want to make the guy feel bad, not when he was doing so much to help him.

“My sister,” he said slowly. “She uh…she told me that I needed to get away and that I had to do something other than mope around the house. I came because there was no way to talk her out of it. Jamii just wanted me to have some fun before…” he broke off, not meaning to have said as much as he had.

“Before what?” Kiyoshi asked. There was a concern in his eyes that made Jay want to tell him the truth. At least it would make more sense to him why he didn’t want to be with anyone.

“Before I die,” he whispered. “I mean, I…I’m not going to die anytime soon, at least I hope I’m not going to, but…” he broke off again and sighed. It was always so hard to tell someone the truth about himself.

“See, I have cancer. Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia to be more precise. I’ve had it since I was twelve and I’ve been taking chemo for it. I’m in remission right now, but I’ve relapsed before and every time I do, it gets harder to stay in remission.” The last time he’d relapsed it had taken nearly three months for him to go back to remission. It was horrible to deal with and a terrible feeling being sick all the time, but he’d been able to handle it for the most part.

Though, he knew that if he relapsed again, there was no way in hell he was going to go back on the chemotherapy. He’d had enough of being sick and the truth was that he would rather die than have to put his family through the pain of seeing him like that again.

“That’s why I’m not interested in dating. I… see what it’s like for my family to see me when I get really sick. I see the worry in their eyes and I hear my mother and sister crying when they think I’m not listening.

“I would rather be alone than be with someone and put them through that kind of pain.”

**

Kiyoshi stared at Jay for what had to have been a good ten minutes before he could even think of anything to reply to what he had said. His mind was still reeling over the fact that the dark haired guy sitting across from him had cancer. Aside from that coughing fit from the first time they had met, Jay didn’t look sick.

Then again, he’d learnt at a young age that things weren’t always as they seemed and appearances more often than not, were deceiving. If nothing else, Myles had taught him that. Jay didn’t look sick on the surface but the shadows under his eyes and the paleness of his skin told a different story.

“No offence,” he said after everything had sank in and he could think properly. “But that has got to be the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. No one wants to be alone, no matter what they say. Life is the shits and no matter what you have to deal with, eventually everyone needs to have someone with them. You’ll eventually need someone else.”
He looked over at Jay who was staring at him with something akin to shock and disbelief on his face. Kiyoshi was betting that no one had ever said anything like that to him before or questioned his way of thinking. He wasn’t trying to be rude or anything and sure, he understood where the guy was coming from, but to deny yourself happiness on the chance that you might end up hurting someone was plain stupid in his eyes. No one knew for sure when they were going to die and putting your life on hold for something that might be was dumb.

“You can’t guarantee that you won’t ever hurt someone, so not dating for that reason makes no sense,” he said.

“Yes I can,” Jay said defiantly. “If I don’t date then I won’t get attached and the guy I’m with won’t either. Then he won’t have to see me getting sicker and then eventually dying on him.”

Kiyoshi raised an eyebrow at him. “You said you were in remission right?” he asked. He didn’t know all that much about cancer, but he knew that remission meant that the cancer was dormant and going away, he guessed. “So how do you know that you’re not going to stay that way? Why are you so determined to make your life miserable by being alone when you can be happy for however long you’re going to be alive?”

Jay opened his mouth to speak and then closed it again. Finally he sighed, dragging his fingers through his hair. “I don’t expect you to understand,” he muttered. “See, the thing is, I feel like I did the last time I relapsed sometimes. And every time I do, I end up feeling horrible. It takes longer to go back to remission. I don’t want to put someone through that. I don’t want to go through it myself.”

Kiyoshi understood, he really and truly did, but he still thought that it was a pointless ambition. He couldn’t imagine wanting to be alone and have to go through something like that. “Don’t you think that should be the choice of the person you’re with?” he asked. “I mean, what if someone wanted to be with you so much that they didn’t care that you might die? What if someone wanted to be with you if you were going to die?”

Jay sighed again and shook his head. “You just don’t get it,” he muttered. “And I don’t want to argue about it okay? Please, I just…” he stopped and then cocked his head to one side as though he were listening for something. “I…I just want to dance. Dance with me?”

Kiyoshi listened to the song that was playing and laughed. It was a fast upbeat song that was only just beginning and if this was Jay’s way of changing the subject then he was willing to go for it. He didn’t want to argue with the guy either and the truth was, if the conversation had gone on for any longer than it had been, he was sure to have said something that he shouldn’t have said.

Namely the fact that he would actually want to be the one to be with Jay if he were to get so sick again that he would die. He would want to be there with him, holding him and telling him that he cared. Because the fact of the matter was that he did care. Possibly more than he should after only knowing him for a few days.

On the dance floor he got the gist of the music and smiled at the words. One line came through to him and he grinned at Jay who was moving to the music as though he were born to dance. No matter what the distance is, you’re still my favourite kiss. Now that was a line he liked. Course, it also made him think about doing it.

Actually kissing Jay and making that line a reality.

**

[Kat]

He looked at the letter in his hands and sighed heavily. Jamii just didn’t understand and he didn’t think that she ever would. He had told her about what had happened with Kiyoshi a few days before and his sister had gone and taken the other guy’s side. He wasn’t surprised though, because Jamii had been trying to get him to think the way Kiyoshi did for years. It was just so hard to try to explain to people that he didn’t want to hurt anyone by dying on them.

Jay didn’t want to be alone. He wanted to have someone to hold someone he could cuddle with and love. Someone who would love him back, with no hesitations or reservations. He wanted someone who didn’t care that he was sick and would love him anyway. He didn’t want to be alone.

Sighing heavily he stood and walked over to the window in his cabin, looking out. He saw nothing but water and more water. Normally he got sick when he wasn’t on land for long periods of time, but lately it was as though nothing fazed him. He didn’t really have time to let anything bother him anyway. Kiyoshi usually kept him pretty busy at all hours, so he barely had time to sit, let alone get sick.

It didn’t mean that he wasn’t feeling like crap though. He was worried that he was going to relapse and that was the last thing he wanted to happen. The chemotherapy and the radiation he had to take to fight the cancer was a bitch and then some and he hated it. What a lot of people didn’t know, however was that he was done. If he relapsed this time, that was it. He wouldn’t be taking treatment anymore. He’d just let the cancer take him.

He moved toward the mirror and looked at his reflection. What could he do? He knew what he wanted and he knew what he could have. Thinking about Kiyoshi’s words, he wondered if it meant that if there was a chance, would Kiyoshi want to date him.

“I’ve got to find out,” he muttered to himself. Shaking his head he turned and grabbed his keys from the bed and then made his way out the door. Going down the hall he found the stairs that would lead to Kiyoshi’s room and walked up them. They’d planned on meeting up the next morning for breakfast, but he didn’t want to wait that long to see him.

He didn’t want to wait that long to find out if Kiyoshi’s words meant for himself or if he had just been talking about anyone else in general. Taking a deep breath he found himself outside of the room and knocked on the door.

“Jay?” Kiyoshi looked like he had been sleeping and for a moment Jay felt bad. He hadn’t wanted to wake him. “What’s wrong?” he asked. “Are you okay?”

Jay nodded and then sighed. “I just need to know one thing,” he said quietly. Then he looked up at Kiyoshi, getting lost for a minute in his dark eyes. “I need to know if you like me.”

Kiyoshi gave him a puzzled look. “You know I like you, Jay,” he said softly. “I mean, we’re friends right?”

Jay sighed and shook his head. “That’s not what I mean,” he said. “I mean, you said all that stuff about me needing someone and that I shouldn’t be alone and…oh fuck it.”

Before Kiyoshi had a chance to do or say anything, Jay had cupped his face in his hands, pulling him down until their lips met. He felt him freeze up for a moment and then – oh god – Kiyoshi was kissing him back. He’d never felt anything like the shocks that were going through him at that moment and oh god, he wanted oh so much more.

And so, it would seem, did Kiyoshi.

**

If the night is not dark,
what's the use of longing for your dreams
Persistent people will get their rewards in the end
If the night is too dark, we'll close our eyes to see

Leaning back against the headboard, the blankets strewn around his waist, Kiyoshi was still shaking from what had happened. He’d never expected that when he’d opened the door to his cabin that Jay would be the one standing on the other side. He certainly hadn’t expected Jay to just kiss him.

“I’m sorry.”

He looked over at Jay who was sitting on the edge of the bed, a sheet thrown over his lap with his elbows resting on his knees. The two of them were still a little breathless from their activities and the sheen of sweat still lingered on their bodies. Kiyoshi hadn’t expected any of this to happen, but he wasn’t complaining. Jay was honestly the first guy he’d ever actually slept with who he wasn’t actually dating. Sure they had that whole deal going, but this was something else entirely. He didn’t quite get why Jay was apologizing though.

“For what?” he asked.

Jay looked back at him and sighed. “I can only imagine what you think of me,” he said. “I never do this…I mean, I don’t just fall into bed with a guy I barely know.”

Kiyoshi just raised his eyebrow at him and then he had to laugh. “Jay, did you happen to forget that I did the same thing as you?”

Jay looked a bit confused for a minute and then he too laughed. “I…I just don’t want you to think that I’m like this all the time. I promise you that I’m not. I just… I don’t know. There’s something about you that makes me want to believe that I can be happy, you know?”

Kiyoshi nodded and then motioned for Jay to come back and lay with him. When he did, he put his arm around his shoulder and ran his fingers through Jay’s hair. He was actually quite content at the moment. He really hadn’t expected any of this to happen when he was forced into coming on this cruise, but now that he was there, he wouldn’t change any of it.

“Kiyo?” Jay asked a minute later. “Where do you live?”

“LA,” Kiyoshi answered. “Lived there all my life. Probably gonna grow old and die there too.”

Jay sat up straighter and stared at him. “How is it we’ve never met?” he said with a sigh. “I live in LA too. All my life.”

That was rather odd, he thought, but then again, LA was a big city, so it wasn’t unlikely that they wouldn’t run into one another at all. Heck, half the time he couldn’t find Harper unless he was looking for him specifically. That was just the way it was though.

“Well,” he said after a while. “We know each other now, so that means we can find each other when we go back home.”

“Do you mean that?” Jay asked quietly. “Do you really mean that?”

Kiyoshi nodded and leaned forward to kiss him softly. “I do,” he said. “I meant it when I told you that you needed someone, Jay. And I want that someone to be me. Whether or not you’re going to live to be a hundred, or if you only live for a few more months, I want to be there.”

He meant that more than he had actually meant anything else in his life. He wanted to be the one who was with Jay for everything.

It had been less than two weeks and he knew that he was in love with the guy. Scary thought, but how he felt none the less.

**

“Jay!”

Jay had been home all of ten minutes when he heard his front door opening and then heard his sister’s loud yell of his name. He groaned inwardly, not sure if he was even ready to be around Jamii right now, but knowing that no matter what she was coming in and he was going to have to talk to her. He made a mental note to have the locks changed on his doors and to not give his sister the key next time.

“Oh my god!” Jamii announced when she burst into the living room and flopped onto the sofa beside him. “I missed you so much! You got a tan! You look good, Jay. Did you have fun? Did you meet someone? Was he cute?”

Jay shook his head at her, brushing his dark hair from his eyes. One of these days he figured that she would take a breath and give him time to answer one thing before she moved onto the next. One of these days if he was lucky she would learn to take a breath.

“I missed you too,” he said as he returned her hug. “And I did have fun, shockingly enough.”

Jamii just glared at him and waited for him to keep talking. When he didn’t she smacked him on the shoulder and snapped, “Jay! Did you meet anyone and was he cute? I want to know, dammit!”

Jay laughed at her and then reached for the bags he hadn’t even gotten the chance to put in his room yet. He rummaged around for a few minutes and then came out with a bunch of Polaroid pictures that he and Kiyoshi had taken and tossed them to his sister. Those pictures right there would answer both her questions, he knew.

“Oh my god!” she exclaimed again. “That’s the guy from the lobby, the one who was with the redheaded girl. I told you he was cute, Jay, I told you. So what’s his name? What’s he like? Did you sleep with him? Was he any good?”

“Jamii!” he exclaimed as he stood and walked toward the kitchen of his apartment. “That’s none of your business for one,” he said. “His name is Kiyoshi though. And he lives right here in LA.”

Jamii followed him into the kitchen and pulled herself up on the counter. She took the bottle of water he offered her and drank from it, watching him all the while with a small smile on her face. Jay got the distinct impression that she was going to say something else and he was right.

“You did sleep with him!” she exclaimed. “Oh Jay! That’s so cool. Come on, what’s going on with you two now? Are you going to see him again? Please tell me you’re over this whole ‘I’m not dating because I’m going to die’ thing and tell me that you’re going to see him again.”

Jay leaned against the counter and smirked at his sister. “As a matter of fact,” he said slowly, taking a drink of his own water. “I am going to see him again. I don’t know what’s going to happen with us, but as of right now, I have a boyfriend.”

Jamii jumped off the counter and hugged him tightly. When she pulled back he could see that she had tears in her eyes. That made him feel bad, because he knew that she had wanted for him to be happy for so long and she hated that he had such a sour outlook on life in general. She didn’t like hearing him talking about dying anymore than he liked thinking about the fact that he could die.

“I told you that you would be happy,” she said finally. “I told you that you would find someone who doesn’t care about you having cancer.” She leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek, then hugged him again. “How do you feel about him?”

Jay shrugged and then sighed. He knew full well how he felt about Kiyoshi and it scared the living hell out of him. He didn’t know how it had happened so damn fast, but he had fallen for the blond and he’d fallen hard.

“I love him,” he said simply.

**

“Are you guys going to move in with each other?”

Kiyoshi looked up from the salad he was making and gave his best friend a curious look. Nina had her arms resting on the counter and was looking up at him with her eyes all wide. “What are you talking about?” he asked her as he reached forward and tapped her fingers with a spoon to stop her from picking at the lettuce.

“You and Jay,” she said popping the piece of lettuce in her mouth and chewing on it slowly. “You’re either at his place all the time or he’s here, so I just wondered if you guys were going to make it official and move in together.”

He thought about that for a few minutes, covering the salad with plastic wrap and sticking it in the fridge. In the two months since he’d come back from the cruise he and Jay had spent pretty much every day together and the days that they didn’t see one another, they talked on the phone. He was happier than he had been in a long time and it was only because his two best friends had convinced him to do something that he hadn’t wanted to do.

“Well are you?” she asked again, leaning against the counter. “’Cause you know, if you wanted to, it’s okay. I was talking to Harper and we figured that if you and Jay did move in together, then I would go live with him and you guys could have the apartment.”

Kiyoshi just shook his head at her. It kind of made him wonder just how many times his friends had started talking about and discussing things that concerned him without him around. The two of them had to stop doing things like that. It was rather annoying.

“Well, it’s only been two months, Nina, so I don’t know. We’re taking things slow, you know?”

Nina snorted at him then laughed. “Slow?” she repeated, going over and taking one of the baby tomatoes he was putting away and popping it in her mouth. “Did you not tell me that the night you guys kissed was also a night you slept together? Don’t give me that, Kiyo. You love him and you know that he loves you. You guys are lucky.”

He agreed with her on that one. But then again, his best friend was also nothing shy of cynical when it came to love and all those other things. She hadn’t ever had the greatest of luck when it came to that kind of thing and didn’t believe in it for her. Everyone else was allowed to have a happily ever after, but not her.

“You’ll find yours,” he said. He knew full well that she was going to scowl at him when he said that and he was right. At least she didn’t hit him this time. He was going to say something else when the phone rang. Holding a hand to her and telling her to wait for a moment, Kiyoshi reached for and answered the phone.

“Hello?”

“Hey…Kiyo? This is Jamii…”

He had met Jay’s sister a few times and he liked the girl, but something in her voice told him that this wasn’t going to be one of their pleasant conversations. “Hey,” he said, trying not to let the panic in his voice show too much. “What’s going on?”

On the other end of the line, Kiyoshi could swear that he heard Jamii crying. “It’s Jay,” she said slowly. “We had to rush him to the hospital a little while ago…he’s not doing good, Kiyo. I think his cancer is back. You should…just get there okay?”

Kiyoshi hung up the phone and ignoring Nina’s questions of what was going on, he took off to his room, grabbing the keys to his car and then booking it out the door. Soon he was on his way to the hospital, not caring about things like traffic lights and stop signs. The only thing that mattered to him right now was Jay.

“Hold on,” he muttered, sending a silent prayer to his boyfriend. “Just hold on for me, love. Hold on…”

Kiyoshi made it to the hospital in record time and rushed in the doors, heading for the information desk. Looking at the smiling attendant.

“Jay Kim?” he asked.

That was when the woman’s smile faded. “Are you family?” she asked. Kiyoshi sighed and shook his head; he knew that they didn’t count being someone’s boyfriend as family.

He was saved by Jamii’s hand on his shoulder. He looked at the young woman and wanted to cry himself, she looked so tired and he knew that it was from staying with Jay. He wanted nothing more than to be with his man, he turned fully and took the young woman into his arms, holding her close. He loved Jamii with all his heart and he knew that she knew he loved Jay as well. Kiyoshi had never been as close with the family of any of his boyfriends as he was with Jay’s sister and his mother.

“He’s family,” Jamii said to the nurse. She took Kiyoshi’s hand, leading him down the hall to a room with the number 12 above the door. Looking up at him she smiled and nodded for him to go inside. “He’s been asking about you.”

Taking a deep breath, Kiyoshi pushed the door open and walked inside.

**

Jay opened his eyes slowly, spending a few seconds trying to figure out exactly where he was. Then it all came back to him in a rush. He was in the hospital and his cancer was back.

He’d gone lay down for a nap, having felt tired and worn out, before he was to go meet up with Kiyoshi for their date. He must have slept longer than he had anticipated because the next thing he knew, he was waking up in a panic, covered in blood.

Jay had known instantly that his cancer was back. Healthy people did not wake up with nose bleeds they couldn’t stop.

The next few hours had passed in a blur for him. Calling his sister and mother, going to the hospital and being admitted, all of it was a haze. The doctors had him hooked up to a variety of machines, doing all sorts of tests. Tests he didn’t need.

He had fallen asleep while his mother and doctor were talking about treatment options. He’d fallen asleep before he could tell them not to bother because he wasn’t going to be taking anymore treatments.

Looking around the room now, he could tell it was very late and he hoped that Jamii had called Kiyoshi to cancel their date like he’d asked her to. He hadn’t wanted his boyfriend to think that he was standing him up.

“Hey, you’re awake.”

Jay looked toward the door, almost surprised to see Kiyoshi walking into the room. His clothes were rumpled and he looked tired, but he was the most beautiful sight that Jay had ever seen. He gave Kiyoshi a small smile as the blond came to sit in the chair by his bed and nodded.

“How do you feel?” Kiyoshi asked as he reached out and took Jay’s hand in his, holding it gently.

“L-like I have cancer,” Jay muttered. Actually, he felt more like he had been run over by a truck and then run over again. “How long have you been here?” he asked. “What time is it?”

Kiyoshi looked at his watch. “It’s just after three am,” he said. “I’ve been here since seven last night.”

“Kiyo,” Jay began, touched that he had stayed for so long. He was also wondering why the nurses hadn’t told him to go home yet. They usually kicked visitors out at ten. “You should go home and sleep.”

“Nah,” Kiyoshi said with a shake of his head. “I’m good. Besides, I want to stay with you.”

Jay nodded then stared at the wall in front of him, tears forming in his eyes. He loved the man sitting with him so much and even though Kiyoshi was trying to be strong, he could see the pain behind his dark eyes. It was a pain Jay wished he didn’t have to see.

This was the reason he hadn’t wanted anyone to be with him. The heartache of losing someone this way was too much. But even as much as he hated it, he was also glad that he had Kiyoshi because he really didn’t want to be alone when he died.

“I-I’m not taking anymore treatments, Kiyo,” he said after a while, not looking at his boyfriend. He didn’t want to see the questions he was sure would be there.

“I’ve been dealing with this for so long, Kiyo,” his voice broke, but he trudged on, wanting to get this out. “I-I can’t handle the pain anymore. I’m tired, Kiyo. I’m s-so tired of fighting a battle I can’t win.”

Kiyoshi stood and then moved to sit on the edge of the bed with him. He leaned forward and placed his lips against Jay’s forehead. Even with his eyes closed, Jay knew that Kiyoshi was crying. He could feel his tears on his skin.

“Please don’t ask me to f-fight anymore,” Jay whispered, trying not to cry, but failing. “I don’t want to l-leave y-you, but I can’t d-do this anymore.”

Kiyoshi nodded and kissed his forehead again, before moving his lips to Jay’s own. Jay kissed him back, through his tears, taking this as a sign that Kiyoshi wasn’t going to plead with him to take anymore treatments. That Kiyoshi had accepted Jay’s wishes.

“I-I’m dying, Kiyo,” he whispered as he cried, his arms going around his boyfriend and clinging to him as though he never wanted to let go. In all honesty, he really didn’t want to let go.

“I-I know,” Kiyoshi whispered back. “I know, baby.”

**

Kiyoshi sat at the table in his apartment, finally having listened to Jay for him to go home and get some rest. It had only taken three days, but he’d done it, only because the doctor had wanted to talk to him about some things and it was really something that only family should have been part of. He’d promised to come back after dinner, and he’d promised that he would get some sleep. That one had been a bit harder to do, but he’d managed to get an hour of rest.

He stared down at his coffee cup, not really paying much attention to it. He’d had that one cup for the last three hours and he knew that if he even attempted to drink from it now, he wouldn’t be able stomach it. Actually, he hadn’t been able to stomach a whole lot of anything since Jay had gone into the hospital and Kiyoshi didn’t see that changing any time soon.

“Hi.”

He barely gave Nina a glance when she came into the kitchen and took his cup, pouring out that coffee and refilling it with fresh stuff. Then she put the cup back on the table, sitting next to him and putting her arms around him, hugging him close.

“I’m so sorry, Kiyo,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry that you’re going through all this. I wish there was something I could do for you.”

He gave her a blank stare and shook his head. There was nothing that she or anyone else could do for him at this point. The only thing that would be able to make him happy would be for Jay to get well. For the person he’d fallen in love with to not be sick and to not die. She couldn’t give that to him. No one could.

“We never should have made you go on that trip,” Nina said suddenly. “We never should have told you to get over it and move on. You were happy in your life until Harper and I went and messed it all up.”

Kiyoshi nodded, realizing that he was making it seem like he agreed with her. In a way he did, because if they hadn’t convinced him to go on the cruise, he never would have met Jay and he never would have fallen in love. But in the same regard, he wouldn’t have spent the last two months happier than he’d ever been in his life.

“Don’t think that,” he said with a sigh. “I’m glad I met him. I just wish he wasn’t sick.”

Nina nodded and then looked toward the door where Harper stood. The guy came over and sat with them as well, putting his hand on Kiyoshi’s shoulder. For a while the three remained silent, none of them knowing quite what to say. It was only the sound of someone knocking on the door that jarred them into movement.

Harper got up and went to the door, coming back a few minutes later with Jamii. The girl looked like she had spent the last few days crying and why wouldn’t she? Jay was only Kiyoshi’s boyfriend, he was her brother. As painful as it was for Kiyoshi, he could only imagine what she was going through.

“How’s Jay?” Nina asked as she got up and made a cup of coffee for the girl. Since the cruise both girls had gotten close and spent a lot of time together. “Is he still refusing to take treatments?”

Kiyoshi wanted to know the answer to that one as well. He’d sworn that he wouldn’t ask Jay to go through that again, but there was a part of him that was hoping that he would listen to his mother and sister and take them anyway.

Jamii shook her head and took a sip of the coffee. “Treatments aren’t even an option for him anymore,” she said. “That was what the doctors wanted to talk about today. Jay’s cancer has spread to the point that now the only thing that can save him is a bone marrow transplant.”

For the next hour, Jamii explained how a marrow transplant would work. The doctor’s would take healthy marrow from a donor and place it in Jay, and with any luck the healthy cells would take over and combat the bad ones. She told them how it was a painful progress for both the patient and the donor, and how it wasn’t even a guarantee that it would work.

“It’s the only chance he has, though,” she finished. “And I’m not even a match, so I can’t do it. How the hell can’t I be a match, though? I’m his twin for Christ’s sake. If anyone’s a match, it should be me, right?”

Kiyoshi didn’t know how to answer that one, because he had been thinking along the same lines as she was. When she told them Jay’s blood type, he sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. He wouldn’t be able to help in that manner either because his blood type was different from Jay’s.

“So what happens now?” Harper wanted to know.

“Now he goes on the registry and hopefully someone with his blood type will be a compatible donor for him. He agreed to try that at least, so now all we have to do is hope that a match comes trough before it’s too late.”

**

Hopefully our persistence will light up the ray of light in our hearts
The pain and sunlight distributed by the heavens,
might they be the same with you and me

This is it, Jay thought to himself as he sat on the edge of the bed in the hospital room, looking at the floor beneath his feet. This was the moment of truth, and everyone knew it. After today, they would be able to tell if his cancer could be defeated or if the bone marrow transplant had actually worked.

It had been nearly three months since he’d had the transplant and he was only now starting to feel able to stand and move around. He’d been allowed to go home a few weeks after the transplant and so far he hadn’t had any complications. For that he was glad and he would be eternally grateful to the donor, whoever it was.

“Has the doctor come yet?”

Jay looked up and shook his head at Kiyoshi who stood in the door way of the room. Ever since he’d gotten sick again, Kiyoshi had been there, holding him when he needed it, letting him rant when he wanted to and easing his fears on those nights when he was so weak, he felt that he would surely die before the morning came. Never once did Kiyoshi try to convince him to take the treatments, not once did he ever try to change Jay’s mind.

He appreciated that more than anything else in the world.

“Not yet,” he said finally. “And I’m glad. I wanted to talk to you before he came in.”

Kiyoshi nodded and came further into the room, holding the hand that Jay had held out to him. He gave him a curious look as he sat on the bed next to him, not speaking.

“I…I have a confession to make,” Jay said finally. “About that night that we met. You see…I wasn’t out there because I wanted some air, Kiyo. I-I was going to kill myself that night.”

“What?” Kiyoshi was clearly shocked at the words, and really Jay didn’t blame him. It wasn’t everyday your boyfriend told you that he’d wanted to die. Kiyoshi looked like he was going to say more, but Jay silenced him with a finger to his lips.

“I was feeling horrible,” he continued. “About everything. Being sick, seeing my sister and my mother worrying all the time. I just wanted to end it… but then you showed up out of nowhere, it seemed and I knew that if I’d tried then, you would have stopped me. So I had to wait.”

Kiyoshi swallowed hard, looking at him with shock in his eyes. “Why didn’t you, then?” he asked quietly. “I mean, we weren’t always together on the boat. Why didn’t you do it a different time?”

Jay shrugged. “Every time I actually thought about it, I would go and find you. Just talking to you for a few minutes made me feel better, so I didn’t. And then you said that stuff about me not being alone and part of me realized that you were right, and another part of me just wanted to run as fast as I could so that I wouldn’t start falling for you.

“But I did,” he whispered. “I fell in love with you, so fast and so hard. It scared me, Kiyo, because I knew I was going to get sick again, and I knew that you would be hurt. But I couldn’t bring myself to leave you, to save you from that. Even though I was scared, and even though I’d promised myself I would never put anyone through that, I didn’t want to be alone. I wanted you. You saved me, Kiyo.”

For several long minutes Kiyoshi didn’t say anything and then he leaned closer and kissed Jay gently. “Then I’m glad I wandered out on the deck,” he said with a smile. “I got to meet you and I got to have a great trip. And I get to have you in my life for as long as I have, and longer.”

Jay nodded, throwing his arms around his boyfriend and holding him close. Even if the doctor gave him bad news today, even if he told him that his cancer wasn’t healed and that he was going to die, at least he could die happy. He would die knowing that even if it had been only for a little while, he’d had someone who loved him no matter what.

“Well, this is a party I don’t like to interrupt.”

A voice from the doorway caused both Jay and Kiyoshi to break apart, but they kept their arms around each other as they looked at the doctor. Jay swallowed hard and held on to Kiyoshi’s hand a little tighter, seeking his comfort. This was it. The moment of truth.

“Give me a few minutes to go over these results with you, Jay,” the doctor continued as he came further into the room. “Then I’ll leave you two to your party. With more to celebrate I’m sure.”

**

Kiyoshi came into the kitchen, reaching above Jay for the bowl that he was trying to get from the top shelf of the cupboard, laughing a little. He was really going to have to start putting things down lower so that his boyfriend could reach them.

“Why didn’t you ask me to help you?” Kiyoshi asked even as he set the bowl down and kissed the top of Jay’s head. “Silly guy, you’re shorter than Nina even. You know you can’t get the stuff from up there.”

Jay just smirked at him and shook his head. “Then I’d have to endure you teasing me,” he said leaning up on his toes and kissing Kiyoshi’s cheek. “Now, remind me again why we’re doing all the preparations for this party when it’s supposed to be for us?”

Kiyoshi shook his head and looked toward the living room where Jamii and Nina were blowing up balloons and Harper was setting up the congratulations banner. They were celebrating the one year anniversary of Kiyoshi and Jay getting together and also the six month anniversary of Jay being in remission.

After the successful bone marrow transplant, Jay had been given a clean bill of health by his doctors. He still wasn’t one hundred percent cancer free, and he would only be declared cured after five years had passed with no relapses, but this was better than either of them had ever hoped for. He was happy and healthy now, and as long as he didn’t over exert himself too much, he was perfectly able to live a normal life.

“Oh come on you two!” Nina yelled from the living room. “Everyone will be here soon and we need you guys to set up the cake.”

Jay looked at Kiyoshi again and raised his eyebrow at him. “See, our party and we have to do all the bloody work.”

Kiyoshi just laughed, closing the door to the kitchen and then leaning against his boyfriend, kissing him deeply. “Don’t complain,” he whispered against Jay’s lips. “Or you won’t get your present later.”

Jay just looked at him and shook his head. “I don’t need any presents,” he said with a smile. “Why would I when you are the best gift I’ve ever received?”

Their lips met again and as they kissed, Kiyoshi thought back to something that Jay had said to him so many months before. You saved me he had said in the hospital room. And while that may have been true, in the same regard, Jay had saved him as well.

They had saved each other.

Holding the same hope, I suddenly have a feeling, are we each other's star