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[Jess]

chapterONE

“You’ll love him, Jay,” Harper Park told his cousin, Jay Abour. “He’s an absolute geek, looks like a total nerd, funny as hell and sweeter than candy. You’d never believe half the things we got up to when we were younger. For a chubby little kid, he could run pretty damn fast, let me tell you.”

Jay laughed, unable to help himself as Harper ranted on about his best friend who still lived in Japan. In the five years since Harper had come to Los Angeles, Jay had heard more about Kiyoshi than anything else. He had seen pictures of Harper with his best friend and he thought the other boy was adorable. There was no other word he could use to describe the chubby kid with the big smile and sparkling eyes behind his glasses. He’d never met Kiyoshi, had never even spoken to him, but he felt like he knew him because of Harper.

“I can’t believe I finally convinced him to come here, Jay. He’s a Japanese boy through and through. Hard to believe he was actually born in Korea huh?” Harper continued. “Well, he was raised in Japan though, so I guess it makes sense. He swore he’d never leave once he got there. But I managed to make him want to come over here!”

Shaking his head, Jay brushed his dark banged from his equally as dark eyes, looking up at the sign that told people when the planes would be arriving and departing. The flight from Osaka had been delayed at least an hour due to weather, but that had been a while before. Jay honestly hoped there would be no other complication and that the plane would land on –the new – time. He had a feeling that if there were any more delays, Harper would end up having an anxiety attack.

From the minute his cousin had come rushing into the diner where they were both waiters – among other things – the week before, beside himself with excitement, Jay had heard nothing but ‘Kiyoshi this’ and ‘Kiyoshi that’. The almost twenty one year old’s excitement was contagious though, and Jay found himself anticipating the other man’s arrival just as much as Harper was. He honestly couldn’t wait to meet the guy he’d heard so much about over the years.

The anticipation was the reason Jay had decided to come to the airport with Harper rather than waiting to meet Kiyoshi at the party the next night. With Harper’s excitement, Jay figured it would be safer if he were to drive. That way, Harper would live long enough to see his friend and have his party. After all, the party was the reason Kiyoshi was even coming on this long overdue visit to America. It wasn’t everyday your best friend from your childhood turned twenty one. That had been Harper’s argument to get his friend to come at any rate.

Flight 839, Osaka to Los Angeles now arriving at gate 14.

Jay looked up, slightly startled when the announcement came over the loud speaker. He turned to look at Harper whose smile had only widened – if that was even possible. He laughed again when Harper grabbed his hand and dragged him over to Gate 14. If for no other reason than he knew it would break his cousin’s heart, Jay hoped that Kiyoshi hadn’t gotten cold feet. For Harper’s sake, he wanted Kiyoshi to be on that plane.

“I swear to all gods,” Harper said as people began to file off the plane. “If he’s not on that plane, I’m flying straight to Japan, dragging his ass back here and making him go to the party. Then I’m going to kill him for making me have to go to Japan and do that.”

Jay just shook his head at his cousin, knowing that Harper meant each and every word he said. Minus the killing of Kiyoshi that is. Jay knew that no matter how upset he got with his best friend, Harper wouldn’t actually kill him.

As more and more people milled off the plane, Jay could sense that Harper was becoming more and more agitated. Not one of those people so far had been his friend. He was trying to be supportive and hopeful for Harper, but his attention had suddenly been caught by the absolute god who’d just walked out of the gate.

Standing at least six feet, the guy wore a white t-shirt that moulded to his torso, revealing his slender physique and the toned muscles of his arms. Loose blue jeans hung low on slender hips and sneakers donned his feet. He had sunglasses perched on top of his head and as he looked around, a smile came to his lips. Jay figured he’d seen whoever it was he’d come to see and part of him felt irrationally jealous.

God, he’d give his right arm and left leg to have someone to smile at him like that. To have someone be that obviously happy to see him. Whoever that guy was here to meet up with was one lucky bastard.

He ignored – or at least he tried to ignore – the bitter feeling of jealousy, not wanting to think about his pathetic love life, or lack thereof. What he had with the guys he’d been dating couldn’t be classified even in the same general vicinity as love. Jay had sex, nothing more. Well, unless one counted being treated like a toy or object to be used and abused as love, but he didn’t. It had taken a while, but he’d finally realized that he did deserve to be treated better than he had been. He just hadn’t found someone who realized it as well.

“Well I’ll be damned…”

Jay turned to Harper, waiting for the guy to elaborate on whatever it was he was going to continue saying, but the Korean spoke no more. Had it not been for the fact that he was following Harper’s gaze and realized that the man he’d deemed a walking god in his mind was coming straight toward them, Jay might have been worried. His cousin almost never stopped speaking after just one sentence. He honestly hadn’t believed it to be possible for Harper to be rendered almost completely speechless. Such was the power of a hot guy, Jay though. And Harper didn’t even like guys in that way.

“So, did I fly half way around the world for you to gawk at me?” the guy asked as he came to a stop in front of the cousins. “Or are you going to welcome me?”

Even as Harper’s grin widened again, he stepped forward, embracing the hot guy in a tight hug. Jay couldn’t move, his dark eyes stayed glued to the new comer’s face and he felt his heart quicken. Now that he was closer, Jay could see the similarities between the guy standing in front of him and the chubby kid from the pictures. That same easy smile that lit up his entire face was there and the same almost mischievous sparkle gleamed in his deep brown eyes. Everything about the guy was the same, only thinner, more mature and absolutely breath taking.

Kiyoshi Shimatani had grown up very nicely indeed.

“Aww, Harp you brought me a ‘welcome to America’ present. How sweet, but you know you shouldn’t have.”

Jay blinked when Harper laughed. He realized he’d been staring at Kiyoshi and that the guy had noticed. His ‘present’ comment had been about Jay. He knew from the man’s tone that he was only kidding, but he couldn’t stop himself from thinking ‘yes, I’m your present… open me please’. Right, he wasn’t that lucky.

“Very funny, Kiyo,” Harper said sternly, though he was still smiling like the proverbial cat that had swallowed the canary. “Kiyo, this is my cousin, Jay Abour. Jay, meet my best friend in the world, Kiyoshi Shimatani.”

Jay reached out and shook Kiyoshi’s extended hand, pulling back as quickly as he dared. “N-nice to meet you,” he stammered. “Harp’s told me a lot about you.” Why did he feel all tingly all of a sudden?

“Bet he told you I was a runty, fat kid,” Kiyoshi said with another one of those easy grins. “And showed you pictures to prove it. Don’t believe anything he says though. We weren’t that bad when we were kids.”

Jay laughed as Harper scowled at his friend. He could see that the closeness the two had shared in their childhood hadn’t changed one bit with the distance that had separated them and for that he was glad. It would have been horrible if Harper’s excitement had been doused because the friendship wasn’t the same anymore.

“Come on,” Harper said. “Jay’s got to get back to work, and I guess you’re gonna want to get settled in right?” Kiyoshi nodded and Harper sighed dramatically. “And I suppose I could take you around, show you some sights.”

Kiyoshi rolled his eyes then turned and winked at Jay. “Eh, I don’t want you to,” he said. “You’re boring, Harp. I think I’d much rather my ‘present’ show me around.”

Harper scowled again and Jay had to fight the blush that he could feel coming to his cheeks. He knew he wasn’t hard to look at, but guys who looked like Kiyoshi did not flirt with him. Ever. Odd as it might have sounded, though, he actually believed that Kiyoshi’s compliments were real.

As the three men made their way to the luggage claim and then out to Harper’s car, Jay listened to the friends talking and joking about. All the while he was thinking that the next six days were going to be the longest of his entire life.

**

Walking from the kitchen to the living room, Kiyoshi blew on his cup of tea, cooling it a bit before he sipped the steaming liquid. Nothing made him feel better than a nice, piping hot cup of tea after a long and stressful day. Taking into consideration that he’d just flown nearly half way around the world, he was stressed. But he was beginning to relax now, thankfully, and could begin what was sure to be an interesting six days.

Part of him still couldn’t believe that his best friend since their diaper days had actually managed to convince him to come for a visit to America. He had always been so adamant about staying right where he was in Japan where he’d been raised since he was twelve and nothing could change that – or so he’d thought. Another part of him wondered if maybe Harper wasn’t losing his touch since it had taken him five years to convince Kiyoshi to come on this trip.

He was man enough to admit that the idea of this trip was daunting and even a bit scary. From the time he’d left Korea where he’d been born and moved to Japan he could count on one hand how many times he’d left that country. Three times. The first two had been to go back to Korea to visit his mother and sister who still lived there, and the third being this one. It wasn’t so much that he didn’t like change or anything like that, it was just that his life was in Japan. His job was there. His medical team who knew his entire history was there. In Japan he felt safe.

Now that he was actually in America though, he found that he truly was glad he’d come. Kiyoshi hadn’t realized just how much he had missed Harper until he’d seen him outside the gate at the airport. Five years was definitely too long to go without seeing the person you thought of as a brother. Too damn long.

“I honestly can’t believe how much you’ve changed,” Harper said suddenly. He was sat on the sofa, his own cup of tea cooling in his hands, just staring at Kiyoshi. “I mean, damn Kiyo, look at you. What the hell happened to the chubby little kid who used to down chocolate and soda? Where did he go? Damn, you’re like a model or something now. No wonder Jay was looking at you like he’d seen a god or something. Hell, if I was into guys I’d be tempted to drag you off to a room somewhere.”

Kiyoshi just laughed and shook his head. Harper hadn’t changed one bit. He knew that his friend wasn’t trying to be insulting or to hurt his feelings by saying what he’d said. Truth was, Kiyoshi had sort of been expecting Harper’s shock. Kiyoshi’s looks had definitely changed since the last time they had seen each other. Some may have said that it was for the good because he definitely looked better now than he’d ever looked, but the fact remained that his appearances had changed for health reasons and had nothing to do with vanity.

“The little kid who liked chocolate and soda had health issues,” he said as he moved to sit on the chair opposite Harper. “Remember when we were kids and I could get those really bad pains in my chest?” When Harper nodded in response to the question, Kiyoshi continued. “Turns out it was my heart. I had a heart transplant two years ago. The doctors told me that I had to lose weight before I had the surgery or I could die on the table, so I did. Now, I’m here.”

He could see the look of shock on his best friend’s face and it didn’t surprise him one bit. Harper had known that he was having a surgery, he just hadn’t know what it was for. Kiyoshi hadn’t been able to tell him because even to this day – two years later – it still scared him how close he had come to dying. But he hadn’t and that was what he focused on now. He was healthy, even if he did have to take a handful of medications every day for the rest of his life, he was alive and he was with his best friend for the next six days. He just wanted to think about good things.

Harper got up off the sofa and came over to where Kiyoshi was sat, leaning down and peering in his face. A moment later he moved Kiyoshi’s t-shirt a bit and looked at the scar that ran along his chest. Sighing, Harper then looked at Kiyoshi and shook his head. “If you die on me, I’m going to kill you,” he said, his face completely serious. “Besides, if you die, who’s going to keep Jay company at my party?”

“I’m not going to die,” Kiyoshi promised him. “Speaking of your cousin, what’s his deal anyway? I mean, I didn’t make him uncomfortable with saying he was my ‘present’ did I?” He didn’t know what had possessed him to say something like that, but it was like the moment he’d seen the gorgeous dark haired man with Harper, he’d gone into instant flirt mode. He was betting that it had something to do with the fact that he found Jay to be incredibly attracted, but he’d seen an almost intense sadness in his eyes as well and he wanted to make it go away.

Harper shook his head, a grin coming to his lips. “Nah, you didn’t make him uncomfortable. Well, maybe you did a little bit, cause Jay’s not used to guys flirting with him harmlessly. Mostly he’s used to guys wanting to take him against a wall or something.”

As Harper spoke, Kiyoshi sighed heavily, wondering about the kind of people Jay was around all the time. He’d never been able to understand how people could treat others like that and he didn’t like hearing it. He didn’t know why it was suddenly bothering him so much to know that the dark haired man was being used though, as he didn’t even know the guy.

“LA is full of actors, Kiyo,” Harper continued. “All Jay wants is to be loved and actually cared about. Guys around here know that and make him think that they’re different from everyone else, but the minute they get him in bed, they’re gone.”

Kiyoshi ran his fingers through his blond hair, shaking his head. “No wonder he looks so sad,” he said. Then he gave his best friend a curious look. “Why are you telling me this, Harper?”

His friend fixed him with a look. “I’m telling you this because it’s clear that you’re attracted to him and he is to you. I’m telling you because even though he’s been burned so many times, Jay still believes in love and happily ever after. He needs someone to treat him with love and respect. He needs someone who will put him first in their lives. You’re a great guy, Kiyo and I love you. Under any other circumstances, I would encourage you to go out with Jay, but you’re leaving at the end of the week. He needs stability and I don’t want you to make him your American Fling.”

Kiyoshi just looked at his friend for a moment, shocked. Then he nodded slowly, completely understanding where Harper was coming from and knowing he was right. “I’m not going to make him a fling, Harp,” he said. “My life is in Japan and that’s all there is to it. I can be friends with him though, right?”

“Well duh,” Harper said, shaking his head. “Who do you think you’re going to hang out with when I have to work? And you have to keep him company at the party tomorrow night. You and Jay will be great friends, I can feel it.”

“Of course we will,” Kiyoshi agreed with his best friend. He was sure that he and Jay would get along, and he was sure that he would be able to keep the fact that he found Harper’s cousin to be absolutely breath taking to himself. Well, maybe not because ever since he had his surgery, Kiyoshi had decided that he wasn’t going to hide how he felt anymore. Life was too damn short to waste on being shy and coy.

Absentmindedly, he brought his hand up, rubbing his chest over the scar and sighed. He knew full well how short life could be and he’d long ago decided that he was going to start living.

**

“So, what’s he like?”

Jay turned his head and his attention from the sugar containers he was filling, his dark gaze focusing on his best friend, Ryder. The girl was leaning against the counter of the diner, grinning at him. The place had emptied for the night and the two of them were in the process of tidying up before they left to go home. Jay didn’t have to ask the girl who she was referring to though, because he knew she was talking about Harper’s friend.

“He’s nice,” he answered, going back to filling the sugar dishes. “You can tell he and Harp are really close – even being a world away hasn’t changed that.”

Ryder smiled, brushing her hair from her eyes. “That’s good,” she said. “It would suck for Harp if they weren’t. Does he still have his baby fat?” That was how she’d always referred to the fact that Kiyoshi was chubby – baby fat.

Jay thought about the guy he’d met a few hours earlier and he bit the inside of his lip to keep from laughing. Ryder was going have to come up with something else to use in reference to Kiyoshi now, he decided. “Actually no,” he told her. “He’s lost all that and then some. I didn’t recognize him to be honest. You wouldn’t either. If he passed you on the street, he’d just be another Asian to you.” One incredibly hot Asian, he thought. California was filled with the beautiful and the handsome, but Jay believed they all paled in comparison to Kiyoshi.

“Is he gay?” Ryder asked a minute later.

Jay sighed and leaned against the counter, holding his head in his hands. “I don’t know,” he said. “He told Harp I was his present and he was smiling at me, sort of flirting with me. He might be gay, or bi … or he was probably just being friendly.” Jay had played the meeting over and over in his mind all day and he’d almost managed to convince himself that he was imagining things. People who looked like and acted like Kiyoshi weren’t interested in guy like him. He wasn’t that lucky.

“If you think he was flirting with you, honey, he probably was,” Ryder told him matter of factly. “You’re a gorgeous guy, Jay and you deserve the best.”

“But?” Jay said, arching an eyebrow at the dark haired girl. He knew she had something more to say simply because she always had something more to say. In that regard, Ryder was a lot like Harper – no wonder they had such a dynamic friends with benefits relationship. Harper said that because he and Ryder had so much in common, they had to be great in bed together.

“But,” Ryder sighed heavily. “Don’t get attached, honey. No matter how cute he is, whether he is or isn’t gay, you don’t really know him. Remember, Harp hasn’t seen him in five years and just because they’re best friends doesn’t mean anything. Things could have changed.”

“And?” Jay prodded.

Ryder just sighed again. “And he’s only here for a week, less than really. I don’t want to see you get hurt because you’re smitten with him. I love you, Jay, you’re my best friend and I hate seeing you get upset and hurt.”

Jay nodded thoughtfully at her words, knowing deep down that Ryder was right. He really didn’t know anything about Kiyoshi and for all he knew, the sweet and caring guy that Harper remembered from his youth could have turned into a proper asshole with the change in his appearance. It wasn’t unheard of for that to happen, he knew that from experience.

Jay also knew from experience that Ryder hated when he was hurt. It had happened so many times with the guys he’d dated who had just used him. Ryder was the one who was always left to help him pick up the pieces of his broken heart.

“I know you’re going to be spending time with him and what not,” Ryder said, twirling a strand of dark hair in her fingers. “But promise me you’ll be careful okay? Don’t’ get attached and don’t fall for him. No matter what happens, remember that he will be leaving in less than a week.”

He turned to the girl, looking at her for a few minutes before turning to wipe away the spilt sugar from the counter. Even though he loved talking to his best friend, he did want to get out of there at some point.

“I’ll be careful,” he said after a while. “I know he won’t be around forever, so there’s no point worrying about liking him. I’m not going to get attached and I’m not going to fall for him.” Though he tried to sound convincing, Jay had a feeling he was failing miserably. The sad truth was, even though he knew there was no point in liking Kiyoshi, he knew he did. There was just something about the guy.

An hour or so later, he and Ryder finished the cleaning of the diner and left, deciding to go to a late movie rather than going home to the apartment they shared. The entire time though, Jay was wondering what Harper and Kiyoshi were doing and if the blond guy was having a good time. He honestly couldn’t wait for the party the next night and not only because it was for Harper’s birthday either.

He couldn’t wait to see Kiyoshi again.

[Jess]

chapterTWO

”Damn gate. Always locking when you don’t wait it to lock. Stupid, damn gate.”

Kiyoshi looked up when he heard the rather cross sounding voice coming from the far end of Harper’s backyard. The only thing he could see of the newcomer were a pair of hands holding two large boxes. As he crossed the yard to be of some assistance, he could hear the guy muttering and cursing the gate.

“Hello again,” he said as he opened the gate and took one of the boxes. Harper had told him that Jay would be coming over at some point that afternoon to get everything set up for the party and Kiyoshi had been waiting for him.

He’d been wanting to see Jay again ever since meeting him the day before and knowing the guy was going to be at Harper’s had been the reason he’d refused to join his friend for a birthday dinner with one of his friends. When questioned about it, Kiyoshi had simply said that it wouldn’t be fair for Jay to have to do all the setting up by himself and he wanted to help.

Of course, before he left, Harper had made Kiyoshi promise to keep his hands to himself.

“Hey Kiyo,” Jay said once he’d set the box on the patio and brushed his hair from his eyes. “Thanks for the help. Where’s Harp?”

Kiyoshi grinned. “No problem,” he said. “As for Harp, he’s gone out having dinner with someone called Ryder.”

Jay’s eyebrow rose at that. “Dinner with Ryder huh?” he mused aloud. “Yeah, he’ll be gone a while then.”

“Why’s that?”

“Oh, because once they’re done with dinner, Harper will want to have dessert and Ryder’s a dish he likes to take his time to enjoy.” He chuckled a bit, and then rolled his eyes. “Ry is my best friend and room mate. You have no idea how glad I am that I’m not home right now. Those two can get pretty damn loud.”

Kiyoshi could imagine, suddenly glad that he’d refused to go with his friend for a completely different reason now. Knowing Harper the way he did, he didn’t think he’d have wanted to sit at dinner with him and watching him undress the girl with his eyes, just wanting to devour her.

“So you got roped into setting up, huh?” he asked Jay a moment later. He leaned against the patio, folding his arms over his chest, watching as Jay looked around.

“Yeah, but it’s his birthday, so I don’t mind.” He grinned then suddenly frowned. “Wait, you’re not helping to set up are you?” When Kiyoshi nodded, Jay groaned. “I’m going to kill him. You’re supposed to be here on vacation and spending time with him. You’re not supposed to be doing manual labour while he’s out getting his rocks off!”

Kiyoshi watched the dark haired man, an amused look on his face. Sure he’d only met Jay the day before, but this was the most animated that he’d seen him. He found himself thinking that Jay was even more attractive when he was getting riled up. That sadness had left his eyes and he didn’t look so down now. Kiyoshi could feel himself growing more to like Jay in that one instant.

And that was a problem.

He couldn’t let himself like Jay as anything other than a friend, and not only because of Harper’s warning either. He couldn’t let himself like Jay because there was nothing he could do about it. When it all came down to it, he was leaving in a few days and it wouldn’t be right to start something that he couldn’t finish. If everything that Harper had said was true, then it would definitely not be fair to Jay either.

“I’m going to kill him,” Jay said again.

“Jay,” Kiyoshi stepped in front of the man and put his hands on his shoulders. Was it his imagination or had Jay’s breathing faltered for a moment there? No, couldn’t be. “Don’t kill him. Don’t even think about killing him. I offered to help you.”

“W-why?”

That time, Kiyoshi was sure that Jay’s breath had hitched. He hadn’t wanted to believe his friend when Harper said that Jay was attracted to him. Denying it made it a lot easier for him to keep to himself, to stop himself from acting on his urges. There was no denying the look in Jay’s eyes, however and Kiyoshi quickly dropped his hands and moved away from him.

“I…I wanted to get to know you better,” he said finally. “After all, Harper expects us to get along and I want us to be friends. You can’t really be friends with someone if you don’t know them right?”

“Oh,” Jay said slowly, looking down at the ground. “Right. Well, thanks…I-I appreciate the help.”

Kiyoshi smiled at Jay then, pushing off the patio and going to open one of the boxes. “No problem,” he said. “What say we get started on setting up, and then we’ll go get something to eat before the party?”

Jay nodded smiling back. “Sounds like a plan.”

**

“So where do you work?” Jay asked as he sat across from Kiyoshi in the diner, picking at his chicken chow mien. They had finished setting up for Harper’s party about an hour before and true to his word, Kiyoshi had taken him out to eat. He hadn’t really expected the older man to do so but he wasn’t about to pass up the chance to spend some time with him.

He was still not happy with his cousin for letting Kiyoshi help with the setting up when Harper was the one who was supposed to be out here doing it, but the blond had told him over and over that he wanted to help, so he was letting his cousin off with that bit.

“I work at Dentsu Inc.,” Kiyoshi said with a smile as he placed his chopsticks beside his plate. Jay had noticed that the other man hadn’t eaten much of anything all night but he hadn’t said anything about it. “It’s an advertising company that has dealings all over the world. I’m a managing director in Osaka, have done for about three years now. Worked my way up from basically doing mail and being a go-fer. Now I have my own.” He grinned as he picked up his coffee cup, sipping the hot liquid.

Suddenly Jay felt very inadequate next to the man. He didn’t really know what a managing director was, but it sounded really important and a hell of a lot more impressive than what he did. He waited tables and helped out in the diner he worked at. Nothing glamorous about being a busboy.

“Sounds impressive,” he said with a smile, trying to cover his feelings of not being anywhere near good enough for Kiyoshi. “I bet its hard work. They must miss you.”

Kiyoshi shrugged and smiled at him, causing Jay’s heart to beat a little bit faster. Why did he have such an effect on him? It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen good looking guys before; he lived in Los Angeles for crying out loud, there were good looking guys on every street. Maybe it had something to do with his cousin and how Harper had talked so highly of Kiyoshi over the years and Jay had never really met any guys who were actually genuinely nice. Or maybe he was just smitten by the guy’s good looks.

“The job is alright,” Kiyoshi said as he took a sip of his coffee then leaned back in his seat. “I like the work and I get to meet a lot of interesting people. The hours are long though. As for them missing me, I doubt anyone will even know I’m gone until some sort of crisis comes up and they can’t fix it.”

Jay couldn’t help but laugh when Kiyoshi did, finding the man’s laughter to be highly contagious. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table and holding his chin in his hand, giving Kiyoshi a small smile. “What about your personal life?” he asked. “I mean, you can’t work all the time, right? Do you have a girlfriend you spend time with outside of work?” Part of him was praying that Kiyoshi didn’t have someone to go back to when he went home, but another part of him dreaded hearing that he did. He had to find out.

“Nah,” the blond said with a shake of his head. “Haven’t really dated much in the past little while, not since I had my surgery.”

“Surgery?” Jay asked his curiosity of that fact over riding that slight jolt of excitement at hearing that Kiyoshi wasn’t dating anyone. “Harper talks about you a lot, but he never said you had surgery.” He was sure he would remember his cousin talking about something like that.

Kiyoshi shook his head, sighing a little. “Harp didn’t know,” he said. Jay watched in confusion as the older man reached for the buttons on his shirt, undoing the first two. “I had a heart transplant,” he continued as he moved aside the material of the shirt, showing Jay the top of a scar that lined his chest. “I didn’t tell anyone outside my family about it. I guess I thought that it would be better if no one knew just in case I didn’t make it, you know? Kind of stupid now that I think about it though. Harp would have been pissed if I’d died and hadn’t told him I was sick in the first place.”

Jay nodded, swallowing hard against the sudden lump that had formed in his throat. He barely knew Kiyoshi except through what his cousin had told him and how he’d been around Jay for the past few hours, and he felt like someone had hit him. Actually, hearing that Kiyoshi had been through such a major surgery, knowing that he could have died was worst that being hit. He’d only just met the man and already he knew that he wouldn’t be able to picture his life without knowing Kiyoshi.

What the hell was wrong with him?

“But, you’re okay now, right?” he asked, needing to hear that the other man wasn’t going to die anytime soon. “I mean, you’re not going to die or anything.”

“No,” Kiyoshi said with a warm smile, reaching over and putting his hand on top of Jay’s. “I’m not going to die anytime soon. As long as I keep on taking my medicine and take care of myself, I should live to a nice old age.”

Jay smiled at him, glad to hear that. It meant that he would at least get to talk to and hang around with Kiyoshi for years to come…provided of course, the guy even liked him enough to want to continue to be his friend.

“Hmm, we should probably get back now,” Kiyoshi said a few minutes later, looking at his watch. “The party will be starting soon and if I know Harp, he’s gonna want us to be there to help him greet whoever he’s got invited to this thing.”

Jay nodded figuring that Kiyoshi was probably right and that they should get back to Harper’s house. Secretly though, he would have much rather have stayed at the diner with Kiyoshi than go back for a party. It was pathetic really, but he wasn’t looking forward to having to share the guy’s time and attention with anyone else.

Less than twenty four hours and he had it bad

**

“Hey, you having fun?”

Kiyoshi looked over at Harper who had come up to him and he nodded to his friend, lifting his glass to the man. He was drinking soda tonight – simply because alcohol messed with his meds and that was not something he wanted – and was pretty much the only person at the party who was actually sober. He was having a great time though, and that was what mattered. Harper had invited no less than thirty people to this little shin ding and he’d introduced Kiyoshi to each and every one of them. He just hoped his friend wasn’t going to be expecting him to remember all the names of the people.

The only person besides Jay and his best friend whom Kiyoshi figured he’d remember was Ryder. And that was only because the minute the girl had arrived at the party she’d taken him aside and told him in no uncertain terms that if he hurt Jay she was going to rip him a new one. From what he’d been able to gather, the girl believed that Jay had a crush on him and since he was leaving in a few days he wasn’t allowed to let Jay fall for him.

That was all well and good, Kiyoshi thought, but who was going to protect him and keep him from falling for Jay?

He’d promised the girl that he would keep his distance from the other male and that he wouldn’t do anything to encourage Jay in thinking that he liked him as more than a friend but as he stared past Harper’s shoulder, watching the man talking and laughing with a few people, Kiyoshi knew that it was going to be incredibly difficult to keep that promise.

“I’m having fun,” he said finally answering his friend. “You? This is your party and you’re the birthday boy, remember?”

Harper just laughed at him and nodded. “Yeah, I’m having a blast!” he said. “Oh, and I’m gonna be like, blaring music all night tonight because I’ve got a certain someone staying in my room with me and we’ll be loud. Just so you know … don’t come barging in my room or anything…”

Kiyoshi faked a groan and then nodded as he laughed. Oh yeah, ear plugs were more than likely going to be coming in handy tonight. He could pretty much bet that the person Harper was inviting to stay over was Ryder and even though he should have been a bit put out at that fact – Harper had invited him to visit because he wanted to spend time with him after all – Kiyoshi didn’t really mind. A guy only turned twenty one once.

Harper leaned against the wall next to Kiyoshi, sighing heavily as he drank his beer. “You know who I miss?” he said suddenly. “Don’t get me wrong, Ryder’s great and all, but she’s just not girlfriend material…not for me anyway. Then again she doesn’t think that I’m boyfriend material for her, so we have fun and then we go our separate ways…but yeah…you know who I miss?”

Kiyoshi had a feeling he knew what his friend was going to say, but he humored him anyway. “Who do you miss?” he asked.

“Aly,” Harper said sighing. “Can you believe it’s been like six years since she just up and left on me? Didn’t even bother writing or anything, she just vanished…I should be mad at her for taking off on me like that, but you know what? I can’t be mad at her. I miss her. Maybe if I saw her again I’d get mad…who knows? Anyway…yeah…I’m going to go party!”

Before Kiyoshi could say anything, Harper took off to another part of the yard, leaving him to his own thoughts once more. The girl his friend spoke of had been Harper’s girlfriend back when they were kids and before Harper had moved to the states. They’d done pretty much everything together, the three of them, until Aly just up and left them. Like his friend, he didn’t know what had happened to the girl either, and he sometimes thought about her.

“Hey, why you all alone?”

He was pulled from his thoughts by Jay who was standing next to him and he smiled at the guy. Shrugging his shoulders he motioned toward Harper who was now dancing with Ryder. “I don’t really know anyone,” he said. “I don’t usually like groups of people. It gets a bit overwhelming for me sometimes.”

Jay nodded, leaning against the wall with him. “So, did Ry tell you to stay away from me and not encourage me in liking you?” he asked as he took a swallow of his drink. “She said she was going to. If she hasn’t already, don’t say I didn’t warn you. If she has, sorry I didn’t warn you.”

The way Jay said it so matter of factly made Kiyoshi smile and he was almost tempted to tell the guy that his friend hadn’t said anything. But he wasn’t going to lie to him and he didn’t plan on it. “Yeah,” he said finally. “She warned me away from you. Said I wasn’t allowed to let you like me because I’m leaving soon. Harper said the same thing to me first day when I got here.”

Jay sighed and muttered something under his breath that sounded like it was along the lines of ‘like you’d ever like me’ and Kiyoshi fought to remember his promise to not say anything. He had to keep reminding himself that he was leaving soon and that he couldn’t fall for him. The truth, however, was the fact that he did like Jay and it was difficult to keep his mouth shut.

A moment later, seemingly out of nowhere, the skies opened up and torrents of rain began to pour down. Kiyoshi heard people yelling and girls screaming – in delight he figured since they were smiling – and they started rushing toward the house. He heard Harper yelling to him and Jay to get inside and he started to laugh. Figured that on a night when his friend wanted to have an outdoor party it would start to rain.

“Come on,” he said to Jay, pushing off from the wall. “We’re getting soaked!”

Jay laughed as well, moving away from the wall and heading toward the house. Then he made a detour, heading for the table where the CD player was. Kiyoshi went with him to get the machine, and they brought it into the house, along with the CDs then the two of them went back out for the cooler. As they walked back, rain soaking through their clothing, Jay slipped and fell on a slick patch of grass, tugging Kiyoshi off balance at the same time.

“Oops,” the younger man grinned. “Sorry Kiyo, I fell.”

Kiyoshi just laughed, looking over at the man and shaking his head. A moment later he reached over to pluck a piece of loose grass from Jay’s cheek, his fingers grazing the man’s skin as he did so. He paused, his breath catching in his throat as he felt a slight jolt go through him at the contact. Jay’s eyes widened a bit and he simply looked at Kiyoshi, biting his lower lip and said nothing.

“I…I think I’m going to be breaking that promise,” Kiyoshi whispered, unable to tear his eyes from Jay’s, unable to stop himself from moving closer. His hand moved to cup Jay’s chin and he looked into Jay’s dark eyes, seeing the questions there. He couldn’t answer them though, he couldn’t even think.

“Kiyo…”

Lowering his head slightly, he brushed his lips over Jay’s softly at first, intending to pull away quickly, to apologize. But then Jay’s hand moved to around his neck and the other man was closer, pressing his lips against Kiyoshi’s own.

Yeah, he was definitely breaking that promise…

**

[Jess]

chapterTHREE

Jay smiled to himself as he stood outside on his door step waiting for Kiyoshi to arrive to pick him up. The two of them were going to the movies while Harper was at work and then they would go to the diner to pick the other man up and the three of them, along with Ryder were going to go dancing. He had been happier than he could remember being in a long time, singing to himself all day, causing Ryder to look at him funny. She had asked him once or twice what was making him so giddy, and he couldn’t answer her.

God he couldn’t answer her, he couldn’t tell her that the reason he had been so happy all day – well, all last night and that day actually – was because he and Kiyoshi had kissed. Ryder would only give him that look that told him that she wasn’t happy and probably say something to Kiyoshi to make the man regret what he’d done. Jay definitely didn’t want Kiyoshi to regret kissing him. Even if he had been drunk when he’d done it.

If he closed his eyes, he could still feel the way the other man’s lips had felt against his own. There had been a passion in that kiss that he’d never felt before and it made his head nearly swim with dizziness and the want to do it again. He’d never felt such soft and gentle lips before in his life and he would have to be honest with himself and admit that he’d definitely kissed a lot of guys in the past. None of them had ever made him feel the way that Kiyoshi had though.

He hadn’t been expecting Kiyoshi to kiss him, thinking that the man would have been warned off completely by both Ryder and Harper. Jay figured that since he was leaving in a few days – the only thing that could put a damper on his happiness was that thought – the blond wouldn’t want to do anything that put him in that kind of situation. He was so damn glad that he’d done it though. If nothing else he would always have that memory to fall back on. Once Kiyoshi was gone, he would be able to remember that he had – for that one moment at Harper’s birthday party – been kissed by the most desirable man in the world.

A car horn beeping announced Kiyoshi’s presence and Jay smiled again. He had been surprised when Kiyoshi had called him earlier and asked him if he wanted to go to the movies with him, and he was delighted to say yes. After all, in the back of his mind, he had been thinking that Kiyoshi might have been different around him once they had both sobered up. They had been pretty drunk the night before – at least he’d been – and maybe he would have regretted it. From the sound of his voice though, Jay had surmised that Kiyoshi felt no differently than he had the night before.

“Hey,” he said with a bright smile as he got into the car with the man. He was sorely tempted to lean over and kiss the blond, but he stopped himself from doing it. Just because he’d done it once – and it had felt so damn great – didn’t mean that he’d want to do it again. But oh he wished that he would.

“Hey yourself,” Kiyoshi returned his greeting and smile. “Feeling alright now? You sounded hung over as hell this morning.”

Jay felt himself blush a bit and he shook his head. He had been hung over, but he was feeling fine now. Had been ever since Kiyoshi’s call actually. “Nah, I’m fine. What about you?”

Kiyoshi shrugged. “Pretty good. Then again, I didn’t drink anything stronger than soda last night, so I don’t really have to worry about that. Alcohol messes with my meds for my heart.”

Jay’s eyes widened. Kiyoshi had been sober? And he’d still kissed him despite being warned off by both of their best friends? “Y-you didn’t drink?” he asked stupidly. Kiyoshi nodded and Jay just stared at him. “Then…” he paused, curiosity getting the better of him. “Why did you kiss me?”

Kiyoshi laughed and shook his head as he weaved into the street, heading in the direction of the cinema. “I kissed you because I wanted to,” he said, his eyes not leaving the road. “I know I probably shouldn’t have, all things considered, I just wanted to.” He paused and then pulled over to the side of the road, stopping the car once more. He turned in his seat, fixing his dark gaze on Jay.

“I-I’m not trying to make you a fling or anything, Jay, so please don’t think that was what it was about. I’m not wanting to just get into your pants or make you fall for me only to leave you in the dust when I go home. There’s…there’s something about you that I can’t explain and when I’m around you, I can barely resist the urge to kiss you, to hold you.” He looked away, leaving Jay to stare at him in shock, unable to think of anything to say.

“I like you,” he continued. “More than I should considering I only just met you, but I do. I don’t want to lead you on, I don’t want to hurt you. I just…I don’t know, Jay. I can’t stop myself from wanting you.”

Jay couldn’t think of anything to say at that moment and he didn’t want to think anymore. He knew that he was setting himself up for heart ache, because though he liked Kiyoshi more than he should – they had just met like Kiyoshi had said and it was too soon to feel so strongly – the man was leaving in a few days. He was setting himself up for a bigger downfall than he’d ever had in his life, but the words the man had spoken, the way he had looked at Jay when he said them, he didn’t care anymore. Even if it was only for a few days, he wanted to be happy.

“Kiyo,” he began and sighed. “I…I like you too. Well, you know I do. And, well, I know it won’t last, and I understand that. But…” he didn’t bother finishing what he was going to say, mostly because he wasn’t sure what it was he wanted to say. Instead he simply undid his seat belt, moving across the seat of the car and putting his hand on Kiyoshi’s face. “It’s so soon, so sudden, but…I…” Again he stopped mid sentence. Though this time he didn’t bother trying to think of more words to say.

He simply closed the distance between them and placed his lips on Kiyoshi’s, kissing him deeply and passionately, demanding a response from the older man and getting it. He sighed against the man’s lips as Kiyoshi kissed him back, leaning into him when he felt strong arms wrapping around him, holding him close.

He was going to be heart broken once Kiyoshi left, he knew he was, but for as long as he could, he was going to take what he could get while it was given to him.

**

“So, are you going to tell me about it, or do I have to sit here with you and pretend nothing happened?”

Kiyoshi looked up from the book he was reading when Harper spoke, giving his friend a quizzical look. He hadn’t even known that his friend was home, let alone was in the living room with him. He glanced over at the clock on the wall, not even having realized that so much time had already passed. Last he remembered, Harper had been going into work. He’d been sat in the same place for over eight hours, book in hand.

He hadn’t been reading the whole time though. No, his mind hadn’t really been on the book at all simply because he had been consumed with thoughts of a certain dark eyed man who was for all intents and purposes forbidden to him. Kiyoshi knew that he never should have kissed Jay at Harper’s party. He knew that he never should have told Jay that he liked him and that he couldn’t help but want him. He should have just kept him thoughts, hands and lips to himself.

It was just so hard. Jay was so damn sweet and he was gorgeous and there was something about the way his eyes lit up every time Kiyoshi was around that made the blond unable to leave him alone. It had only been four days and he knew that he’d gotten in way over his head with Jay already. Harper was going to kill him.

“What are you talking about?” he asked. He had a feeling that with the scowl on his best friend’s face that he knew exactly what Harper was going to say to him.

“Jay,” Harper said simply. “I know you did something with him, Kiyo, and I want to know just how far things are with you two, because you might not have believed me when I told you before, but if he gets attached to you, even if it is only in six days, he’s going to be completely devastated when you leave. I need to know how deep this is with you guys. So for the sake of my sanity and our friendship, don’t lie to me. What did you do?”

Kiyoshi sighed, running his fingers through his hair. “I kissed him, alright?” he said finally. “It wasn’t like I was planning this, Harp, it just happened. I like him, and yeah, it might seem like it’s too soon or whatever because it has only been a few days and I am leaving on Friday, but that doesn’t change the fact that I like him. If you’re expecting me to apologize for kissing him, though, get that one out of your head because it ain’t going to happen.” He knew that sometimes he could ramble on just as badly as his friend could and he had the knowledge that they were best friends to help them dig through the meanings of what they were saying.

He didn’t want to fight with Harper, and he didn’t want his friend mad at him for doing what he’d done, but he couldn’t take it back and truth be told, he didn’t want to. Kiyoshi looked at Harper, watching his friend as he flopped onto the sofa and shook his head.

“Kiyo,” he began slowly, looking up. “Listen, I told you already, if it was different, then I’d tell you to go for him, but it’s not. You don’t know what it’s like to see him when he gets hurt. You don’t know how hard it is to be so helpless because you know that there’s absolutely nothing you can do to make it better for him.”

Kiyoshi felt a bit of anger boiling inside him at those words. “Why are you so damn sure I’m going to hurt him?” he demanded to know. “I’m not trying to make him a fling, Harp. I’m not trying to get him to fall for me so that when I go home I’ll be laughing.” He groaned inwardly, his hand coming to rest on his chest, running his fingers over his scar through his shirt. It was force of habit for him to do that now, every time he was stressed out.

“I guess it never occurred to you, or anyone else that this won’t be easy on me either, huh?” he said as he stood and headed out of the living room. As much as he had been told that when he left Jay was going to be hurt, no one had ever taken into consideration that he wasn’t exactly getting off easy with it either. Knowing that he cared about Jay as much as he did, knowing that he was leaving was putting a pain in his body that he hadn’t felt in a long time. “It’s going to be just as hard for me to. But then, you’re so worried about him that thought never crossed your mind at all.”

He went into the kitchen, leaning against the counter with his head lowered. He hated when he and Harper got into fights, and he hated that his friend was upset with him. He hated that he was going to be leaving and most of all, he hated that he was going to be leaving Jay. Maybe he should have went with his first initial reaction when Harper had asked him to come to L.A for this party, and just stayed home. Never having met Jay before, it wouldn’t have changed his life the way it was now. They would have both been better off if he’d never come here.

“Kiyo.”

He felt his friend’s hand on his shoulder but refused to turn to look at Harper. “It’s hard, Harp,” he whispered sadly. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before in my life and it’s such a mess. I don’t know what to do. I can’t just not see him for the rest of the time I’m here.”

“You’re right,” Harper agreed. “You can’t. I’m sorry, Kiyo. I’m just so used to Jay getting hurt by jerks that I didn’t even think about how it was going to be for you. You really like him don’t you?”

Kiyoshi nodded and sighed again. “I really do,” he said honestly. “I don’t know why, or what it is about him that makes me feel this way, but I do.” There was more to it than simply liking Jay, though, and he knew it. Somehow in the past three days, Kiyoshi had fallen hard and fast for the man. He was in love with Jay and he hadn’t even realized that it had happened. And that scared the living hell out of him. Finally he looked at Harper, seeing compassion in his friend’s dark eyes.

“Yeah, he’s got that way about him sometimes. Can’t explain it, but you can’t keep away from him, right?” Kiyoshi nodded again and Harper grinned. “Well, I’m not going to tell you to stay away from him or to not romance him or whatever it is you’re doing, because it’s obvious that you won’t listen to me anyway. Just do me a favour okay?”

“What’s that?”

“Don’t do anything more than kiss him. Seriously, if you have to be around him and if you have to be involved with him, don’t take things any further than they already are. You’re both in this too deep already. Don’t make it any worse.”

Kiyoshi nodded but said nothing. He wasn’t going to make Harper any promises. Especially when he wasn’t even sure he’d be able to keep them. “I’ll try,” he said. And that was about as much of a commitment that Harper was going to get from him.

“We’re in for a hell of a rough ride come Friday.”

**

As soon as he walked into his apartment, Jay knew that he was in trouble. Ryder was sat on the sofa, her arms folded over her chest, glaring in his direction. She didn’t look happy at all and he had a funny feeling that he knew what she was going to say. He’d already dealt with his cousin ragging on him about the fact that he had been kissing Kiyoshi, he really didn’t need to hear it from his best friend either.

“What are you doing, Jay? Did we not agree that you weren’t going to be doing this? Didn’t you say that you weren’t going to get involved with him because he was going to be leaving in a few days?” She ran her fingers through her hair, standing and started pacing the room. Jay simply moved out of her way, flopping on the sofa where she’d just been sitting.

He knew that both Harper and Ryder were unimpressed with the fact that he and Kiyoshi had kissed and really, he knew that he shouldn’t have done anything with the man, but he wasn’t sorry that he had.

“I said I wasn’t going to fall for him, Ry,” Jay said, trying to remember exactly what it was he had said to his friend that day. He had said that he wasn’t going to fall for Kiyoshi, and that he knew that it was pointless for him to like the guy considering that he was only in LA for a visit.

“But you did fall for him Jay!” Ryder said as she continued to pace the room. “Don’t you tell me that you haven’t, because I know you and I know that look and you’re practically head over heels for him. I love you, but god, why do you do this to yourself? Every damn time you see a hot guy, you start lusting for them and then when they give you what you want, you’re heart broken when they leave you!”

Jay just stared at his friend, shock and hurt evident on his face. “What are you trying to say?” he asked her. “Are you trying to say that I ask for this? That I ask to get hurt?” He wasn’t sure, but that was definitely what it seemed like his friend was implying. “I like Kiyoshi, Ryder. I didn’t ask to like him, I didn’t ask to fall for him. I just did. I can’t help the way I feel about him.”

Ryder stopped pacing and just shook her head. “Just like you couldn’t help the way you felt about the last million guys you dated and who left you, right? I’m sorry Jay, but you attach yourself to people too damn easily. You get too clingy and you smother them. It’s going to be the same thing now.”

Jay couldn’t think of a single thing to say to her. He could feel tears welling up in his eyes and he had to swallow hard against the lump that had suddenly formed in his throat. In all the time he had known the girl, Ryder had never said anything like that to him, and she had never made him feel like he was the one to blame for being hurt. He didn’t think that he smothered people, or was clingy to them. He really didn’t think that he was a bad boyfriend or whatever it was that he could call himself just because he liked to show that he cared about the person he was with.

Standing, he turned his gaze to his friend, not bothering to mask the sadness on his face. “Thanks, Ry,” he said softly. “Thanks for making me feel completely useless. Nice to know how you really think of me.” He moved to walk out of the room, ignoring the girl when she called out to him. He just wanted to be as far away from her as he could get.

“Jay, wait. Please that didn’t come out the way I wanted it to. Please.”

He continued to ignore her, going into his room and shutting the door, locking it behind him. Sitting on his bed, he stared at the wall in front of him, unshed tears causing his eyes to go fuzzy. Did he really act the way that Ryder had said he did? Did he really get too clingy and make the guys he was with feel smothered? Was that the reason they left him?

Jay leaned back on his bed, grabbing his pillow and hugging it to his chest, the tears now falling from his eyes unchecked. Maybe she was right. Maybe every time he got hurt in a relationship – if he could even call them that – was his own fault. He simply couldn’t figure out a way to change the fact that he wanted to be loved and be able to love in return and he didn’t think he needed to. Or at least, up until the moment Ryder had said what she’d said he hadn’t thought that.

Hours later, Jay turned and opened his eyes slowly, not even having realized he’d fallen asleep. His eyes felt dry and sore, like he’d spent most of the time crying and he knew that it had to be true – his pillow was actually wet. It was dark in the room, and quiet in the entire house. He got off his bed, opening the door and looked out into the hall. Ryder’s bedroom door was open, but the room was dark so he guessed she wasn’t home.

Sighing heavily, Jay went to the kitchen and found a note propped against the vase on the table, telling him that Ryder had gone to visit her sister in San Francisco and that Harper was giving her a ride. They would be back the next day. Though he hated that they had gotten into the argument, Jay was glad that at least for one night he wouldn’t have to deal with her or his cousin. Though, it sort of did make him wonder what Kiyoshi was doing. Had he gone with them? He was supposed to be spending time with Harper after all.

Going into the living room, Jay noticed that there was a lamp on and it was casting a shadow over a form sat on the chair, book in hand. His eyes widened when he realized that Kiyoshi was actually sitting in his house.

“Kiyo?” he asked almost stupidly. “W-what are you doing here?”

The blond looked up and smiled at him, putting the book aside. “Ryder called me,” he said. “She said you were upset and that she didn’t want you to be alone.” He stood and walked over to where Jay was, reaching out and cupping the younger man’s chin in his hand, tilting his face up so he could look into his eyes.

“She told me about your fight,” Kiyoshi continued. “Are you okay, baby?”

Maybe it was the gentle way that Kiyoshi was looking at him, or maybe it was the soft way he spoke the word ‘baby’ that did it, but tears filled Jay’s eyes again and he put his arms around Kiyoshi’s waist, his face buried in the man’s chest.

“I-I don’t know,” he whispered sadly. “I don’t know what to do. I’m so confused, Kiyo.” He could feel Kiyoshi’s hands holding him close, his fingers carding through his hair.

“About what?”

Jay looked up at Kiyoshi then, his eyes completely unwavering from the dark gaze of the other man. “About how I feel about you,” he said softly. “It’s so soon, Kiyoshi, but I’ve never felt like this before, I swear I haven’t. I don’t know why, or when, or how, but I…” he broke off and buried his face in Kiyoshi’s chest again, listening to the man’s heart beating. “I-I think I’m in love with you.”

Kiyoshi didn’t say anything, he simply leaned Jay forward again, looking at him with a small smile on his lips. Then he leaned forward and brushed his lips over Jay’s gently and the younger man was lost in the feeling of it all. It was with that gentle kiss that he realized the complete truth. He didn’t just think he was in love with Kiyoshi, he knew that he was.

He loved him, and in two days, he was going to lose him.

**

[Jess]

chapterFOUR

Kiyoshi felt like his heart was going to break and he hated that feeling more than he’d ever be able to say. It was crazy that he had fallen in love with Jay in such a short period of time, but as his friend from back in Japan used to say, love really didn’t care about such trivial things as time. He had always told Charlie that she was crazy for saying that, because it took more than a mere glance to fall, but now he believed her. How could he not when he felt so strongly for the man who was currently lying in his arms? Granted, he hadn’t exactly told Jay that he felt that way about him. He didn’t know why he hadn’t said it, he just couldn’t.

He had been more than surprised when Ryder had come to Harper’s earlier that day to ask him if he would mind staying with Jay while she went to San Francisco to visit with her sister. Kiyoshi had known that Harper was driving the girl up there, and he had been going to go along with them. But then Ryder had told him of the fight she’d had with Jay and said that she had left the house with her friend not talking to her and she was worried about him. Of course, he’d said that he would because really, he would have rathered stayed with the other guy as opposed to going on a four hour car ride to someone’s house whom he didn’t know.

Before they’d left though, both Harper and Ryder had asked him to please be careful and to not do anything that would make this even harder on them both. Kiyoshi suspected that Harper must have told the girl that Jay wasn’t the only person who was going to be hurt in this whole situation and he guessed that she respected that.

“Will I ever see you again?” Jay asked, his voice soft in the otherwise silent room. They had been laying on the bed, just holding each other, Jay’s head resting on Kiyoshi’s chest as he drew circles on his chest with his fingers. “After you leave, will I ever see you again?”

Kiyoshi swallowed hard, lifting Jay’s face so that he could tilt his own forward enough to capture the man’s lips with his own. “You will,” he promised. “I don’t know when, but we’ll make it happen.” He knew without a shadow of a doubt that he would do everything in his power to be able to see Jay again. Maybe he’d even send him a plane ticket to come to Japan to stay with him for a while. Somehow or the other, they would be able to be together.

“Good,” Jay whispered. He shifted a bit so that he was more comfortably able to kiss Kiyoshi. “Because I don’t think I’d be able to handle it if I thought I wouldn’t see you again. Knowing I will makes it easier, I guess.”

Kiyoshi nodded, bringing his hand up and tangling it in Jay’s dark hair again, holding him closer as they kissed. He could feel Jay’s hands moving to his waist, sliding under the t-shirt he wore and he sighed against his lips. His hands were cool against his rapidly heating flesh and he felt his mind going blank.

“God,” Jay muttered against Kiyoshi’s lips as he pulled him into a seated position on the bed. “Your lips taste so damn good …”

Kiyoshi moved his hands to Jay’s waist, pulling his lips from the younger man’s only long enough to take the t-shirt off him, letting that drop to the floor as well. He tilted his head up a moment later, capturing Jay’s lips with his own once more when Jay lowered his head. He was addicted to the way it felt to kiss the younger man and no matter how often they did this; he couldn’t grow tired of it.

He pulled Jay closer as they kissed, running his hands over Jay’s bare back. His skin was so soft, so warm. “Jay…” A moment later he froze when Jay’s hands moved from clutching at his shirt at his shoulders to his chest, reaching for the top button of the white button down. “Wait…” He hadn’t made a conscious decision for things to go so far, but he would be damned if he would lie and say he didn’t want this. The last thing he wanted was for Jay to think that he didn’t mean any more to him than a quick roll in the sheets.

Jay paused, giving him a small smile as he kissed him gently. Then he dropped to his knees in front of him, his hands still on the front of the shirt. “This is crazy isn’t it?” he whispered softly. “We barely know each other and you’re leaving in a few days to go back. This is crazy, but I can’t stop wanting it. I can’t stop wanting you…”

Kiyoshi groaned inwardly, his fingers resting under Jay’s chin as he lifted the man’s face so that he could look into his dark eyes. Those eyes had captured him the moment he’d met Jay and he knew he could get lost in the dark depths if he wasn’t careful. Thing was, he didn’t want to be careful. That was the last thing he wanted to be. Jay had hit the nail on the head though: this was crazy, but he couldn’t stop wanting it either.

“Are you sure about this?” he asked softly, still looking into the man’s eyes. “Are you really sure this is what you want?”

Jay chewed on his lower lip for a minute then nodded. “I’m sure. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”

Those words were the ones that Kiyoshi had wanted to hear and the moment Jay finished speaking, he lowered his head, brushing his lips over Jay’s. The kiss was much more gentle than the previous ones of the night, but it held more passion than any he’d ever shared with anyone before. He sighed against Jay’s lips when the man’s hands went back to the buttons of his shirt, undoing them before sliding his hands inside the parted material. Kiyoshi felt his fingers dancing against his skin, grazing over the scar on his chest. Jay had been the first person he’d ever seen who didn’t seem repulsed by the scar, and for that Kiyoshi was endeared to him.

After a few moments, Jay rose once more, running his fingers over Kiyoshi’s face, smiling down at him. If it hadn’t already been, Kiyoshi’s heart would have been Jay’s in that moment. Only four days and he knew he’d never want to feel like this about anyone ever again. He never wanted anyone to make him feel the way that Jay made him feel. He didn’t think it would be possible anyway.

He looked up at Jay with hooded eyes, his desire for the other man clear on his features. Now that it had come to this point, he knew that – really – there was no turning back and he had made up his mind that he was going to show Jay what it was like to be made love to. He was going to show him that sexual acts weren’t supposed to be only about one person that pleasure could be gained from being gentle, taking things slow. If nothing else, if only for this one night, Jay was going to know what it was like to be worshipped like he deserved to be.

He moved his hands to Jay’s waist, pulling him a bit closer, kissing his flat stomach. He could feel it when Jay sucked in his belly, heard his voice hitching just that little bit. “You’re so beautiful,” he muttered, titling his head slightly and kissing another area of Jay’s stomach. “Your skin tastes so good.”

Kiyoshi tugged Jay slightly closer to him, so that the man was at the ‘v’ his legs created. Still kissing his tanned belly, Kiyoshi could hear Jay’s soft moan – though it was actually low, it was loud in his ears – and he became determined to make him moan louder. Allowing his fingers to trail over Jay’s side, up and down slowly, he continued to kiss each and every part of the man’s body that he could reach.

He licked Jay’s skin just below his navel before swirling his tongue around the sexy as hell indent. Turning his head just a little, he ran his lips over Jay’s stomach just above the waist band of his jeans, his hands moving to Jay’s waist. Pulling back, he looked up at Jay, watching the man’s beautiful face as he moved his fingers to the button of the pants, releasing it from the hold.

Hands back to Jay’s sides again, he gripped the material, letting his fingers slide inside both the jeans and the band of his boxers. Leaning closer to Jay again, he resumed his slow trail of kisses on his skin. Tonight was going to be a night Jay would never forget – he would make sure of that.

**

He tried to think of a time when he’d been treated so gently, tried to remember when he’d been able to just relax and let what would happen, happen. Let the other guy he was with take over and do what he would, but the sad truth was, he couldn’t because it had never happened before. Jay was used to doing all the work right up to the act itself. He wasn’t used to this, but he liked it. A lot.

“K-Kiyo…” he honestly couldn’t think as to what else it was he had been intending on saying because his mind had suddenly drawn a complete blank. Kiyoshi was slowly lowering his jeans down his hips, pressing his lips against his skin as it was revealed. It was beginning to make his knees quake and he moaned softly at the contact.

His breath was torn from him in a sharp moan a moment later when his clothing was lowered even more and he felt the cool air of his bedroom against his heated flesh. Kiyoshi had moved his jeans to the point where they were nearly at his ankles now, but thankfully that seemed to be enough for him right now. He truly didn’t think he would be able to move his legs enough to get them all the way off because he was shaking so much.

Jay could feel Kiyoshi’s warm lips grazing his leg as he made his way upward from his knee, across his torso and down along his other leg. “Oh god…” he moaned again, completely aware that his breathing was beginning to become increasingly ragged. “Kiyo…”

Kiyoshi looked up at him again, his hands resting on Jay’s hips. Though they were still, his thumbs were grazing his skin, making him feel like he was on fire from the inside out. The look of passion in Kiyoshi’s dark eyes making him feel more wanted than he’d ever been in his life. “Hold onto me,” he heard the man whisper just before his lips were on his stomach again, licking just under his navel.

As he did Kiyoshi’s bidding, resting his hands lightly on his shoulder’s, Jay understood completely what was about to happen and he sucked in his breath in anticipation. This was definitely going to be a night he would remember for always.

His hands tightened on Kiyoshi’s shoulders when he felt the full wash of the man’s tongue against his erection, a moan escaping his lips. He couldn’t remember if he’d ever told the man that he’d never had this done to him – he was always the one who’d performed orally – but it didn’t matter anymore. His mind was ceasing to worry about anything but how it felt to have Kiyoshi’s mouth against him.

“Oh god…” Once more his hands tightened on the other man’s shoulders. He glanced down, watching almost in wonder as Kiyoshi took him completely in his mouth, licking and sucking at his hardened flesh expertly. It was obvious the man knew what he was doing and he knew it very well.

Eyes drifting shut, Jay moaned again, each one growing in volume as the moments passed. He felt Kiyoshi moaning as well, and he knew then that the man was getting as much pleasure out of this as Jay was. “Oh god…Kiyo…yes…” he hissed through clenched teeth as he moved his hand, tangling it in Kiyoshi’s blond hair, urging him to go faster, harder. “Fuck yes…”

It could have been minutes or maybe mere seconds, but it was the most pleasure he’d ever experienced in his life. No one had ever made him feel this good in one act and he knew that no one ever would again. Jay could feel his body tighten and he knew that he wasn’t going to be able to last much longer.

“Kiyo…I…I can’t…I…” he groaned even as his hands clenched more around Kiyoshi’s shoulder and hair.

Instead of stopping as he had expected the man to do, Kiyoshi only sped up his movements, mouthing him even faster, forming a suction around him that left him almost mindless. His lungs were practically screaming for a reprieve as he fought to take a proper breath, but unable to do so. It was the best feeling he’d ever had.

“Kiyo…oh gods…fuck…oh…” He clung to Kiyoshi as his body tensed even more and he felt himself succumb to the most powerful orgasm he’d ever had in his life. He slumped against Kiyoshi, his body quaking as aftershocks went through him, still feeling the other man’s lips on him as he drained him completely.

He felt weak all over and he knew that there was no way in hell he’d ever be able to stand on his own. The sexy blond had made him feel incredible and if that was the only thing they did for the rest of the night, it was enough for him to remember it forever.

“You’re trembling,” Kiyoshi whispered as he placed a gentle kiss to Jay’s belly again. “Are you okay baby?” He looked up at Jay with concern in his dark eyes, still holding him steady.

Jay felt a shiver go through him when Kiyoshi called him ‘baby’, and he nodded slowly. Lowering his head, he captured the man’s lips with his own, kissing him deeply and moaning in pleasure when Kiyoshi kissed him back, massaging his tongue with his own. Even his kiss left Jay quaking with desire. It shouldn’t have been possible to feel this damn good with someone he barely knew, but it did.

“I feel absolutely wonderful,” he promised as he pushed at Kiyoshi’s shoulders, so that he was lying on his back. Then he kicked off his jeans and boxers the rest of the way, climbing onto the bed beside the man he was quickly beginning to adore, leaning down to kiss him again. “I feel great and it’s all because of you.”

**

Kiyoshi felt Jay’s hands moving to his shirt again as the younger man straddled his waist, and began to undo the buttons. This time he let him, his eyes closing as Jay mirrored his actions of before, kissing his skin as it was exposed to him. Once the shirt was undone completely, he pushed the material aside and he felt Jay’s fingers slowly tracing along the scar on his chest.

“I hate that thing,” he muttered aloud as he opened his eyes and saw Jay looking at the scar intently. “I hate it.”

Jay shook his head, leaning forward and placing his lips against the scar, kissing down the entire length of it. “I don’t,” he whispered. “That scar just means that you’re here with me now. If you didn’t have it…”

Kiyoshi knew what he was trying to say and he smiled a bit. If he didn’t have that scar, then he knew that he would be dead now. It was a scary thought to be sure, because he truly felt that his life would have been so incomplete if he’d never known Jay.

His eyes closed again as he felt Jay’s lips working along his torso, dropping random kisses every where, his hand moving to the button of his jeans, working it loose. A soft moan escaped him as he felt Jay’s hand slide inside his jeans and boxers. Warm fingers wrapped around his length and he moaned louder.

“Jay…” he couldn’t think of what he wanted to say, couldn’t think of anything to add. All he knew was that it felt amazing to be touched by Jay like that and he wanted so much more.

“Kiyo…” Jay whispered, moving back to kissing his lips. “I-I want to make love to you.”

He moaned at those words, deepening the kiss he was sharing with Jay. He nodded once, wanting this. He’d only ever been the submissive partner a few times in his life, but he wanted it with Jay. He wanted to feel the man inside him.

“I’m yours,” he whispered.

Jay smiled at him, his hands moving to Kiyoshi’s jeans, lowering them completely. He lifted his hips to help, and soon they had hit the floor. He sat up slightly, removing the shirt from his body as Jay reached to the night stand for a tube of some clear liquid. He recognized the bottle and almost shuddered in anticipation.

Kiyoshi moaned when he saw Jay coating his fingers with the lubrication and then felt his fingers probing at his entrance. He lifted his hips, moaning as a finger slid inside his body and Jay leaned forward, kissing him almost hungrily. He kissed him back, telling him without words how he felt.

“Mmm…Jay…gods…” They had barely even gotten started and already he was unable to make coherent sentences run together. Jay was making him insane with the way he was touching him and he needed, wanted more. “Gods…baby…”

Jay continued to move his fingers inside Kiyoshi and the blond couldn’t stop the arching of his back, the need to get closer, to have more nearly consuming him. He hadn’t felt this way in a long time, being in this position and it made him wonder if it was because he hadn’t been doing this with the right lover.

Finally, he could feel Jay’s fingers moving from his body and nudging his legs open. He went with it willingly; wanting to be joined with Jay more now than he’d ever wanted anything in his life. He felt the man’s length at his entrance and he took a calming breath, relaxing his body.

Jay took his slow, sweet time entering him and it was all he could do not to push against him, to take him completely inside him in one fell swoop. Finally, finally he was inside and Jay paused, giving him time to get used to that feeling. Kiyoshi didn’t want to wait though, the emotions he felt so strong now that he had to feel Jay moving. He nodded his head once, reaching up and wrapping his hand around Jay’s neck, pulling him down so that he could kiss him.

“Oh…Jay…fuck…” he moaned when Jay began to move, pulling out and then thrusting back into him gently. “Fuck…”

He lifted his hips, moving with Jay, meeting his every stroke, every thrust. He couldn’t stop the moans that escaped him, growing louder in volume when Jay angled himself to touch that one place inside him that caused him to arch off the bed completely. Jay moaned as well, his hands on Kiyoshi’s hips, aiding the pleasure. He went for Kiyoshi’s neck, kissing and sucking at his skin as his hand moved between their bodies, wrapping around Kiyoshi’s length and stroking him in time with the movements of his hips.

“Oh fuck, Kiyo…” Jay moaned against his skin. “God, you feel so damn good.”

He felt Jay quicken the pace, both with his thrusts, as well as with his hand, hitting that spot inside Kiyoshi again and he moaned. Gods, he felt so damn good inside him. He had waited for this, wanted this and he wanted it to last, but he knew that he wasn’t going to be able to.

“Jay…yes…I…oh god, baby!” he moaned louder than ever as his orgasm built inside him, and he swore he saw stars.

Jay hissed a little as Kiyoshi’s muscles tightened around him and he moved his hips faster, his moans coming quicker and quicker. “Oh fuck…Kiyo…” he groaned. “Oh god…”

Kiyoshi could feel his lover’s powerful orgasm and he clung to him desperately, holding Jay to him. Slowly Jay ceased to move, collapsing on his chest, breathing heavy and erratic. After a few minutes he moved from his position on top of Kiyoshi, collapsing beside him. Kiyoshi put his arms around him, holding him close and kissing Jay’s sweaty brow.

Kiyoshi smiled against Jay’s forehead when the man kissed his chest again, whispering softly that he loved him. He felt his heart swell and he tried to say something, anything in return to him, but he couldn’t. Why couldn’t he tell the man that he felt the same way? Why was it so damn hard, especially after what they’d just shared?

What was wrong with him?

**