Hola, Chilean Ministry of Foreign Affaris! This be once again Ricardo Armando Patiño Aroca, Foreign Minister of la Rrrrrrrrrrrrrepublica de Ecuador!
I hope you received my message yesterday- I tried to contact you about the tragic warlust occuring in my beloved Ecuador. I see your offices are closed, such that I am leaving this message to urgently request that you equally urgently respond to my previous query. As mentioned, I have been advised that the situation in Ecuador is dire for the Correa regime and thus I cannot return to Quito as I had planned to this evening.
I am travelling alone as you know, staying at the San Alfonso del Mar resort in Algarabbo. With the changes in plans concerning the political situation, I decided to make my way to Santiago to the Ecuadorian embassy there. Being a man of the people, which is consistent with my Marxist ideology, I determined to take the limousine of the working class - the autobus - to Santiago.
An unfortunate incident occurred when at a stop along our mighty voyage, I went to indulge in the tobacco. A band of degenerate miscreants - excuse, me of exploited proletariats - promptly endeavored to procure from me all my bags, wherein - and above all of most despair for me - my various items of importance, such as wallet, mobile phone, the i communication machine etc., were enclosed.
I heroically followed the rabid thieves, but was unable to acquire them in my hands. Unfortunately, at the same time, the bus to Santiago departed from the station. I was left with a few measly pesos in the pocket of my pantalones and am ergo de facto destitute. Please note: My last pesos are spent with this phone call.
I have tried to contact the Ecuadorian embassy in Santiago, but in line with my pro-proletariat reforms of the foreign embassies, they only work 30 minutes a day and the office is currently closed. Hence, I phoned the operator who was kind enough to forward me the number of the Chilean foreign ministry, but alas, I openly endeavour to communicate with your foreign ministry and I only receive the answering machine.
Long story short as los americanos say, if you could please contact me as soon as possible. I am stranded in Villa Alemana, Chile somewhere on the way to Santiago. Since I have no mediums for communication, as the aforementioned items have been lifted from my person, I will wait by this same payphone for the kindness of your return voice. I would endeavour to contact you via email, as there is an internet cafe nearby, however the government emails of Ecuador have been shut down due to the ongoing violence. Moreover, my own personal firstname.lastname@example.org emaill account has had its password changed, most likely yet another atrocity committed by the bandidos in Ecuador. Alas, I no longer have even the measly pesos to buy 30 seconds of internet time. Yet I will remain positive, as is consistent with my character.
Humbly waiting by the phone for your acknowledgment of my existence and God Bless Ecuador in this time of suffering,
Ricardo Armando Patiño Aroca, Foreign Minister of Ecuador