Hola y bienvenidos a el Ministerio de Exteriores de Chile!

Serving Chile and her government's foreign diplomacy needs since 1941, the Foreign Ministry handles all foreign contact with governments as directed by the President and foreign minister, this guy:



Alfredo Moreno

Contact him, or President Sebastian Pinera, here.

Hola, ministro de relaciones exteriores Alfredo Moreno and my other Chilean friends!





I be Ricardo Armando Patiño Aroca, current foreign minister of la Republica de Ecuador and i make contract with you through these intimate channels because of a particular chaos that has emerged in one Ecuador.



As I am certain your foreign ministers are aware of, I am currently on vacation in Chile, in the San Alfonso Del Mar Resort, which is home to, as I am also certain you know (but let me function for a moment as the touristry minister for Chile, and repeat the data that is already dear to your hearts), the world's largest artificial swimming pool. Photos i took from my electronic camera-phone are enclosed in my correspondence, I was so impressed of its magnificence. In fact, I am quite of double certainty that you know that I be here in the beautiful Chile, because I had an exciting and dynamic conversation last night with one of your employees - Fellipe - who happened to be dancing at one of the resort's gay clubs. (photo of Felipe included below)



FELIPE


Now, as I am also once again assured that the government of Chile knows, heterogeneous violence has erupted as of this morning in Ecuador. But let me notify you from an internal perspective, that this is not mere minor and mundane civil unrest, as though some cocoa-farmers were proclaiming the end of the world: although, as a Marxist, their proletariat concerns are of the utmost important to me.

No, the situation is much graver. Whereas I receive now only sporadic communications because of the situation unfolding in our compassionate Ecuador, I have nevertheless been notified by those in the country that yes, the situation is in fact one that threatens the political dimension of La Republica.

Hence, my concern. I have been advised by my comrades in government to not return at the moment to Ecuador, but rather to remain here in Chile, despite the fact that I was destined to depart for Quito this evening.

I therefore humbly request from you that I may extend my stay - preferably under suitable diplomatic conditions, i.e., as though this were a state visit -. since any potential return to Ecuador, in the form of my physical body, has been communicated to me as an act symmetrical with the parameters of imminent danger.

Let me underscore that I endeavour to work with the progressive Chilean authorities on the current crisis in Ecuador, divulging all I know of the situation as it develops, thus aiding in the quelling of this potentially abyssic disorder.

Yours sincerely,
Ricardo Armando Patiño Aroc

Hola, Chilean Ministry of Foreign Affaris! This be once again Ricardo Armando Patiño Aroca, Foreign Minister of la Rrrrrrrrrrrrrepublica de Ecuador!

I hope you received my message yesterday- I tried to contact you about the tragic warlust occuring in my beloved Ecuador. I see your offices are closed, such that I am leaving this message to urgently request that you equally urgently respond to my previous query. As mentioned, I have been advised that the situation in Ecuador is dire for the Correa regime and thus I cannot return to Quito as I had planned to this evening.

I am travelling alone as you know, staying at the San Alfonso del Mar resort in Algarabbo. With the changes in plans concerning the political situation, I decided to make my way to Santiago to the Ecuadorian embassy there. Being a man of the people, which is consistent with my Marxist ideology, I determined to take the limousine of the working class - the autobus - to Santiago.

An unfortunate incident occurred when at a stop along our mighty voyage, I went to indulge in the tobacco. A band of degenerate miscreants - excuse, me of exploited proletariats - promptly endeavored to procure from me all my bags, wherein - and above all of most despair for me - my various items of importance, such as wallet, mobile phone, the i communication machine etc., were enclosed.

I heroically followed the rabid thieves, but was unable to acquire them in my hands. Unfortunately, at the same time, the bus to Santiago departed from the station. I was left with a few measly pesos in the pocket of my pantalones and am ergo de facto destitute. Please note: My last pesos are spent with this phone call.




I have tried to contact the Ecuadorian embassy in Santiago, but in line with my pro-proletariat reforms of the foreign embassies, they only work 30 minutes a day and the office is currently closed. Hence, I phoned the operator who was kind enough to forward me the number of the Chilean foreign ministry, but alas, I openly endeavour to communicate with your foreign ministry and I only receive the answering machine.

Long story short as los americanos say, if you could please contact me as soon as possible. I am stranded in Villa Alemana, Chile somewhere on the way to Santiago. Since I have no mediums for communication, as the aforementioned items have been lifted from my person, I will wait by this same payphone for the kindness of your return voice. I would endeavour to contact you via email, as there is an internet cafe nearby, however the government emails of Ecuador have been shut down due to the ongoing violence. Moreover, my own personal sexmaster2395823749832473897@yahoo.com emaill account has had its password changed, most likely yet another atrocity committed by the bandidos in Ecuador. Alas, I no longer have even the measly pesos to buy 30 seconds of internet time. Yet I will remain positive, as is consistent with my character.

Humbly waiting by the phone for your acknowledgment of my existence and God Bless Ecuador in this time of suffering,
Yours,
Ricardo Armando Patiño Aroca, Foreign Minister of Ecuador

To: Sebastian Pinera, President of Chile
From: Antonio Patriota, Minister of External Relations

Greetings,

President Rousseff wishes to extend invitations to all UNASUR nations to meet in Brasilia for an emergency summit pertaining to the reports we are receiving from the ongoing situation in Ecuador. As you may remember from the 2010 South American Summit, our organization amended the Constitutive Treaty whereby we must take action against member-states whose political processes are not respected. We believe such has already taken place in Ecuador or will sometime in the near future. We will try extending an invitation to the Ecuadorian leadership to help us understand better the situation.

If you cannot attend personally, then sending your foreign minister would be appreciated.

Antonio Patriota
Minister of External Relations of Brazil

Unaware of the Brazilian calls for a meeting of men, Ecuadorian Foreign Minister Ricardo Armando Patiño Aroca, the highest ranking Ecuadorian minister not caught in the infernos of coup, sleeps diligently by a pay phone in Villa Alemana, Chile, waiting for it to ring so that he may leap to his motherland's defence.

(Lmfao.)

At around 5:30 in the morning a pair of Gendarmes from the Chilean Gendarmerie arrive in an SUV and pick up Mr. Aroc, sending him to the Santiago aeroperto where a few executive jets await along with President Sebastian Pinera himself, along with several additional ministers.



"I apologize in advance, Minister. Our state department was understandably busy with the entire situation and was unaware of your stay in Chile until we finally checked our public lines, as we do once every two weeks after the ministry staff draws straws."

"We're headed for Brasilia, where hopefully your ambassador there will be able to accommodate you and help us bring an end to the violence in your nation."